Friday, August 12, 2005

MTV: Closet Freaks and Geeks

We're not even going to babble around about this one...we're just going to give it to you straight. Andy Milonakis, you know the "kid" with the Dr. Seuss on crack show featured on MTV...he's 2 phuckin' 9. 29-years-old. I know you don't believe me, but trust me...even The Washington Post was frazzled by this fact. This is more outrageous than Free from 106 & Park being 37-years-old. Damn, can people act their age?

The media (and when I say the media, I mean these conglomerates that are trying to shape our minds around buying their products, goods and services) is trying to get us to buy into a lot of mindless dribble...especially our friends over at MTV. This channel hasn't played a music video in its entirety since Michael Jackson's Thriller, and people (including me) watching this pseudo-entertainment, passing it on as reality and cool.

Even before Mr. Milonakis was exposed as knocking on 30, his show seemed to be the epitome of idleness...everytime I caught myself watching it, I made myself do something...pick lint out of my carpet, scrub my toilet seat...something. The show makes me feel like Patrick from SpongeBob, regardless of how many drugs I'm's just no good. Someone once told me, this kid/woman/ambigous creature was supposed to fill the void for Dave Chapelle, who is having some "personal issues."

Andy Milonakis is for a particular crowd...I'm sure when MTV execs were shaping the show, the sexy, urbanistas with fros weren't their target demographic. But, what the hell were they thinking when they allowed Nick "Right-Wing" Cannon 30-minutes of nonsense? The gods must be crazy!

Nick Cannon's dribble is called "Wild 'N Out" which is supposed to be the way comedians loosen up before a performance. It is serving as a way for my stomach to loosen up as the show goes on. "Wild 'N Out" (which according to my BF P Tosh should be spelled like "Wylin" or maybe "Whylin") is a mix between Drew Carey's Whose Line Is It Anyway and Dance 360. Two teams compete in the silliest most amateur improv ever for "points" that lead to nowhere. In the two shows already taped, Nick Cannon's team, of course, wins.

One episode featured Cannon's fake Beyonce' fiance Christina "Dip It Low" Milian, who embarrassed herself more than when she slid around in car oil in her video. She seemed satisfied with being on television and going home with Nick Cannon afterwards (gag me with a stick!) The crowd was full of multi-cultural hip hoppers, including a token Asian chick that C-Walked everytime she laughed.

MTV does have good shows. And, I turned to the station after feeling abandoned by BET's lame attempts at documenting black life (which include film epics like "Player's Club, South Central and phuckin' Prison Song). I do give BET props for allowing everybody's Cousin Jeff to explore race and obesity through his program. However, the show airs on Sundays, between sleepy jazz and African kids with flies in their eyes.

Do you really want to watch a Pat"-esque person smearing peanut butter on their face and singing about a cat? Do you even want Nick Cannon on television at all? Don't you deserve better entertainment than this? Doesn't it all make you want to just take a washrag to your face...yuck!

Is MTV creating programming for the career-track weed head, or should they be putting together programs for hip, inqusitive, savvy young folk...I don't know? But until this bullshit being passed as talent eradicates the airwaves, I know I won't be watching.


At 11:18 AM, Anonymous the dawndiva said...

This article is so good & so funny. Mtv is something else? Has anybody ever caught the antics of Ben Magera, or The wildboys, I think I actually saw them pierce there butt cheeks 2gether. I think those show is a lil homo erotic 4 my tastes.
The Mind of Mencia is pretty funny, but PLEASE DAVE CHAPPELLE COME BACK!!!!!!

At 12:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bees on my head, but don't call me a bee head.

I love this show, but I had no idea he was so old. He even sounds like a kid, perhaps he hasn't gone through puberty yet.

Check out Hi-Jinks on Nick at Nite.

At 7:07 AM, Blogger Dani B. said...

I really don't think anything on MTV is meant to be viewed by anyone with a) more than 15 years of living under their belt or b) more than 15 brain cells working. Don't watch it. It kills the grey matter.
That being said, I'm still signing up to be on Date my Mom.

At 12:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, I ain't know that nigga was 29. Um... I think that's all I had to say. With that being said, I said that to say this... Well... I'd like to take a little time out to talk about how companies use television shows, songs, and even blog replies to advertise for their products. I talk about it in my book 79 Ways 2 Die, which is available at

At 11:18 AM, Blogger Midlife Crisis said...

Thank you for reminding me of what I'm NOT missing.

At 8:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot! » »


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