Friday, September 09, 2005

Why Won't You Answer Me?

Women talk too much. It’s a fact of life. While men seem to be more internal with their thoughts, women have to run shit by the hairdresser, the dog groomer, the cashier at Wendy’s and their momma. It’s just the nature of who we are; we take lots of input before making decisions. As a woman, you may wish that men talked more...but men wished we talked less. It's kind of like the cirlce of life, it keeps shit interesting.

And once we grasp on to a man, the questions are endless: ‘what do you want for dinner?,’ ‘how was your day?,’ you tired? sick?, scared?’ It never ends. And while many of these questions pertinent to the flow of everyday…many of them, you shouldn’t run by your man.

After conducting a non-scientific study at the Cove and the Brownstone over the weekend, below is a list of questions that a woman should never ask a man. Why? Because A. you don’t really want to know what he thinks because you really want to ask your best girl friend and she isn’t around or B. it’s none of your damn business.

1. How much money do you make? When you ask this question, you’re just begging to be the subject of a Kanye West song. It’s tacky to ask anyone this question, regardless of sex, and if a man provides you with this information without you asking, he’s probably a jerk anyway.
Alternative: What do you do for a living? Because he’ll be happy to talk about his skills and education, or his future plans. Plus, while you're online conducting a background check and a thourough Googling, you can type in his job title on to find out what he makes anyway, and you’ve got two answers instead of one!

2. Can I borrow some money? This question is the play cousin to the question above, because it makes a wallet out of a man, which all men hate. I had several brothas tell me this weekend that women ask them to pay their rent. Ladies, do we not have more tact than that? If you don’t have the doe for rent, you don’t need to be dating anyway…you need your ass a part time job!
Alternative: Tell your guy you’ll be living with your mom for a couple of months, and you will only be able to talk to him after curfew because you don’t have any money. If he doesn’t lend you some dollars after that, he never wanted to be with you that much anyways.

3. Do you think I’m a hoe? Now, I am guilty of this one, being a woman that has lead a rather active and glamorous life. Looking for some reassurance, I asked a man did I meet the requirements of being loose (you know…doing hoe activities with how tendencies, hoes are your friends, hoes are your enemies). Well, his response was, and I quote: “that’s like saying I’m not an artist, but I make most of my money doing art.”
Alternative: There is no alternative. You should never let any man pass judgment on the decisions you’ve made in your life. Trust me, he isn’t sitting around wishing he didn’t bone that no-name at the Alpha party in college, so why should you?!

4. Do you like this outfit? Men don’t care what you wear. Most of the holler I get is when I’m in some thugged out fatigue, or a tee and some jeans. Every now and then you’ll meet a man who likes creative outfits…but as far as whether you should wear pants or a skirt, your man doesn’t care.
Alternative: Get a camera phone, snaps some pics of yourself and send them to your girl. And, if you have a man that insists on wearing the same colors as you, drop him faster than J.L. King drops a woman's phone number.

5. When do you want to go? Go where? Anywhere! Because men are not good timekeepers, only when it comes to sports. If he knew when he wanted to be there, you’d be there by then! I have a friend who can turn 20 minutes into an hour, if you’re not careful. You have to ask men early what they need to get ready, then you have to set it out for them, then you have to allot time for them to be late in order to be on time. I grew up with my daddy, trust me, this one is true.
Alternative: Do you want to get there at __p.m.? Because, if you state a specific time, it gives a man a goal to work toward. He’ll think he’s planning his own day, but really you’ve already done it (this is a Queen Esther-type tactic, I suggest you pick up a Bible every now and then).

The general rule is: when in doubt, ask your girl. That's what they're there for. She's probably spent most of her time studying your man's sorry ass anyways, so she'll know the answer.


At 1:50 PM, Anonymous belladawn said...

so when do the ladies compile a list about these scrubby guys?

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