Thursday, October 06, 2005

Dear Summer,

Here are some of the things I’ve learned as summer ends and a new season begins:

  1. Flying is like anal sex. It feels okay if you relax, but you don’t want your ass in the air longer than necessary.
  2. I like Indian food, thanks to Cinnamon.
  3. Just because somebody lusts after you, it doesn’t mean the person likes you.
  4. I have to live by the beach at some point in my life.
  5. Surgery, regardless of how minor, is a bitch.
  6. Knowing that you’re HIV-negative opens the door to a wealth of personal knowledge.
  7. I ain’t no hollaback girl.
  8. R. Kelly is a crazy mo-fo.
  9. Way crazier than Bobby and Whitney.
  10. John Legend is a great performer.
  11. I want to have kids really, really bad. I knew this because when I the possibility came about that I may not be able to have kids, it made it harder for me to picture my future.
  12. Natural hair takes just about the same time to maintenance as relaxed hair. But when you don’t have time to do your fro (or locs) your shit still looks hot.
  13. I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. I went through some challenging things this summer, but I made it out alive!
  14. Blogging is helping me to achieve my definitive goal in writing: writing the way I talk.
  15. Being in for real love helps me be more independent.
  16. Being in for real love helps me learn more about me.
  17. Distance in relationships is cool.
  18. Part of growing up is knowing that people’s interests and views change, but you still have to respect that (even if you don’t understand it).
  19. Sushi is nasty. Sake is sexy.
  20. Red wine is the bomb.
  21. Cosmos are sexy.
  22. There’s no love and loyalty in journalism.
  23. George Bush doesn't care about black people.
  24. Chicago is great.
  25. I can eat a jar of peanut butter (with no jelly) in like two weeks.
  26. I love house music.
  27. I love soft pop music.
  28. Reading (anything) makes you better writer.
  29. PR isn’t as glamorous as it looks. My job is to make other people’s ideas happen. Ten percent of that is schmoozing.
  30. But if feels good to give yourself completely to something you believe in.
  31. You know, it’s hard out here for a pimp.
  32. A journalist is just like the rest of us...except she’s more tenacious, lazier, sloppier, got better hair, and does her best work in the comfort of the herd (from The Huffington Post)li>
  33. I only eat red meat when somebody else cooks it. I eat fish and turkey everyday.
  34. Having sex on rose petals makes me feel pretty.
  35. Making love with your eyes open makes me feel beautiful.


At 2:10 PM, Blogger Zeake said...

I greet you here on the bank of the James River in the year of our lord, one thousand seven hundred and twelve. First , I shall thank you, the gentlemen of the of the colony of Virginia, for bringing me here. I am here to help you solve some of your problems with slaves. Your invitation reached me in my modest plantation in the West Indies where I have experimented with some of the newest and still the oldest method for control of slaves. Ancient Rome would envy us if my program is implemented. As our boat sailed south on the James River, named for our illustrious KING JAMES, whose BIBLE we CHERISH, I saw enough to know that our problem is not unique. While Rome used cords or wood as crosses for standing human bodies along the old highways in great numbers, you are here using the tree and the rope on occasion.

I caught the whiff of a dead slave hanging from a tree a couple of miles back. You are losing valuable stock by hangings, you are having uprisings, slaves are running away, your crops are sometimes left in the fields too long for maximum profit, you suffer occasional fires, your animals are killed, Gentleman,...You know what your problems are; I do not need to elaborate. I am not here to enumerate your problems, I am here to introduce you to a method of solving them.

In my bag, I have a fool proof method for controlling your slaves. I guarantee everyone of you that if installed it will control the slaves for at least three hundred years. My method is simple, any member of your family or any OVERSEER can use it.

I have outlined a number of differences among the slaves, and I take these differences and make them bigger. I use FEAR, DISTRUST, and ENVY for control purposes. These methods have worked on my modest plantation in the West Indies, and it will work throughout the SOUTH. Take this simple little list of differences and think about them. On the top of my list is "AGE" but it is only there because it starts with an "A"; The second is"COLOR" or shade; there is INTELLIGENCE, SIZE, SEX, SIZE OF PLANTATION, ATTITUDE of owner, whether the slaves live in the valley, on a hill, east or west, north, south, have fine or coarse hair, or is tall or short. Now that you have a list of differences, I shall give you an outline of action- but before that, I shall assure you that DISTRUST IS STRONGER THAN TRUST, AND ENVY IS STRONGER THAN ADULATION, RESPECT OR ADMIRATION.

The black slave, after receiving this indoctrination, shall carry on and will become self-refueling and self-generating for hundreds of years, maybe thousands.

Don't forget you must pitch the old black VS. the young black males, and the young black male against the old black male. You must use the dark skinned slaves VS. the light skin slaves. You must use the female VS the male, and the male VS, the female. You must always have your servants and OVERSEERS distrust all blacks, but it is necessary that your slaves trust and depend on us.

Gentlemen, these kits are your keys to control, use them. Never miss an opportunity. My plan is guaranteed, and the good thing about this plan is that if used intensely for one year the slave will remain perpetually distrustful.

The letter above is one of the major problems of the African-American race today. And with this knowledge we as a race can and will over come. So with this letter still in your mind I ask that you enlighten someone else and send this letter to as many brothers and sisters. We as a race must start somewhere in learning our problems what better place than the document that started the destruction of our MOST POWERFUL RACE!!!

Go Back To Political Directory

At 2:17 PM, Blogger DM said...

Good ol' Willie Lynch and his peculiar ideologies...

At 6:29 PM, Anonymous belladawn said...

interesting summer...:)

At 11:39 AM, Blogger Funky D said...

Wow, I'm glad people have come up with 73 definitions of hollaback girl.

At 9:12 AM, Blogger lady_in_purple said...

Re: #12- Yep, natural hair definitely takes the same (or more) amount of time to maintain as relaxed/pressed hair. Recently i wore my hair natural for about two weeks (yay) but got tired of braiding it up every night so I resumed pressing it (boooo). But at least I have another hairstyle option:)

At 12:05 PM, Blogger Q_B said...

I agree with #23 going to have to buy that t-shirt that says that.

Going to try #34 and #35 at the same time.

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