Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I Need A PR Agent

Miscommunication is the root of all evil. And I decided to go into the communication field, probably as the hardest to read person I know (really). I'm so good at faking it. So good at doing it in the textbook way. Doing it so that I look unscathed. But not doing it so that I come off as real. I just realized today that I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I don't like the image I am portraying to the people close to me. I had somebody who is really close to me describe me and my actions last night, and they were so totally off on my intentions. Which led me to think, what I am showing people that have got them so confused?

I'm like Erykah Badu's Bag Lady: "Bag lady you gonna miss your bus/you can't hurry up/'cause you got too much stuff/when they see you commin'/niggas take off running/from you, it's true, yes they do." So why does this happen? Part of it is male immaturity, and bullshitting and all of that. But a huge chunk of it is me. And my inability to be real. But when I start being real, it scares niggas.

I met this guy a couple months ago. And when I met him, I felt like I knew exactly what was missing in my life. It was there, over the phone, in my face, at my access. He was an answer to all of these questions I had about myself. I don't want this to sound deeper than what it is, you know. It was exciting, but I didn't drop everything for this guy. I liked him, he liked me, everything was cool. And then the grind set in. The "supposed to's." All the shit we were supposed to be progressing toward, he didn't want to. He was indecisive. He told me half-truths, or I guess more like easy truths. Shit you don't have to prove when you aren't around.

Well, the point it...I'm so good at PR, it's scary. I can make anything appetizing. I can write positively about anything, anyone. Except myself. I can't sell myself, because I can learn and study everything and anybody, but myself. I don't think I should ahve to persuade people to like me, or be my friend. It comes naturally, right?

Song I'm supposed to be feeling right now: "Shake It Off," by Mariah Carey. Am I really supposed to this callous?

Song I am feeling right now: "St. Patrick's Day," by John Mayer. Nobody wants to be alone in the winter time.

Mood today: Introspective.

Check out this website about clues that a man is about to dump you...damn, I should have read this a couple weeks ago.


At 1:48 PM, Blogger Midlife Crisis said...

>"I don't think I should ahve to persuade people to like me, or be my friend. It comes naturally, right?"

That is right. Fortunately or unfortunately. People either feel you or they don't. We can't control that.

At 2:20 PM, Anonymous belladawn said...

the hardest thing 2 do sometimes is b real w/urself about things. & yes its true, people cant always handle some1 thats authentically real all the time. sometimes w/people we all trust sometimes w/a blind fate, & thats a risk 1 must take in love. thats the gift & the curse of love, there is no guarantees. im sorry that u got ur feelings hurt & ur heart broken. u dont have 2 feel bad about not bein so "real" all the time, because every1 u come n contact w/isnt deserving of knowing the "real" u. everybody has their bag lady days, take that from a gucci bag lady (smile). just know that 99.9% of the people u deal w/have their own issues 2. im not against lookin @ urself & analyzing, but u also have 2 look @ some of the people u surround urself with. how "real" r they? not saying u r a bad judge of character, but again, everybody has their own hang ups, & insecurities. u r a wonderful young lady, & mariah is right, its like a calgon commercial baby!

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