Wednesday, October 12, 2005

My Love is King

Thanks to everyone for all the love and support. Feeling better about your life usually takes a little humility, a couple smacks in the head and some usage of all that wisdom I have stored up.

I went to a poetry night last night…I always know when I am around good art because it inspires me to create myself. So the first poet up was a recovering crack addict and talked about not being around for his father. It was simple, but real. And repentance was kind of the tone of the evening. So then I began thinking…what I am in such grievance for? I have a wonderful daddy, who has had a wonderful relationship with my wonderful mommy. They are perfect, but they are real. And I love being around them, because they are fun and witty. I have to appreciate that. Especially since my daddy or mommy lived in the same hood where crack heads were being made. They found each other and made wonderful women out of me and my sister.

And though shit is challenging, it’s not bad when it’s bad. One woman read about attacking mountains of racism and sexism with spoons…she feels like she’s getting nowhere. I think attacking those monsters work for me on a personal level. I want to be the best African-American woman I can be…a walking testimony to anyone who believes in the hood rat credo. Being hood is reppin’ where you from, being a rat is not cool.

By the way, I don’t hate wavy light-skins. Most of my close friends are light, and though most are natural and not exactly wavy, all of them make me feel great about myself. But a nigga got issues and I think other girls are pretty. And then, I understand that I’m transitioning through a lot of self image shit I learned as a kid, so I know when I need to step my game up and when I need to ignore shit (or at least I’m learning).

And being single is great. And being childless is great. There are a lot of things I want that I’m not ready for. I’ve never really been thrown into a situation where I was forced to have to handle life-altering situations because of fuck ups. My fuck ups have been monumental on the inside, but pretty smooth on the outside.

I ain’t got shit to complain about, really. My writing is doing its thing. I’ve got all the time in the world to do what I have to do. I’m lazy, but more focused than a lot of people I know. I’m learning the importance of setting short-term goals in all areas of my life…I wanted my Diana Ross hair after a year of being natural. I wanted Vibe after a year of reporting. I wanted marriage and a baby without a damn man. I’m pumping my breaks. I’m good. Thanks for the love, once again.

3 Comments:

At 2:33 PM, Anonymous belladawn said...

IM SO HAPPY UR IN A GOOD MOOD! I BET MOMMY CALLED U & GOT U RIGHT... IT DOES INDEED TAKE WORK, BUT UR ON THE RIGHT PATH..ITS JUST LIKE WHEN I TELL PEOPLE THE STORY OF MICHAEL JORDAN WHEN HE PLAYED 4 THE BULLS, HE WAS THE FIRST 1 IN THE GYM, & THE LAST 1 OUT. HE WAS THE BEST, BUT HE STILL TRIED THE HARDEST, & EVENTUALLY HIS HARD WORK PAID OFF! & HE PLAYED IN HIGH SCHOOL & WAS CUT FROM HIS TEAM, WHEN ALOT OF PEOPLE R SCOUTED OUTTA HIGH SCHOOL. BUT LOOK WHERE HIS HARD WORK GOT HIM..NOT 2 QUOTE SOUTHERN RAPPERS, BUT IT TAKES GRINDIN 2B A KING...

 
At 3:18 PM, Blogger Lena said...

I could have sworn that I returned the favor and commented on yesterday's blog, but I guess not. Anyway, I was feeling alot of what you were saying yesterday and I'm glad that this entry finds you feeling better. I love poetry. I too have been guilty of wanting things that I'm not ready for. I'm glad you pumped your brakes. We all need to do that sometimes...chill and put things into perspective. And yeah, I agree with ya, your writing is doing it's thing!

Peace

 
At 7:27 PM, Blogger Midlife Crisis said...

Life is filled with ups and downs. We bitch and rant one day and then we're filled with gratitude the next.

Cool beans.

 

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