Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Tyra Banks fool!

Don't fret you Top Model amatuer Miss Jay's. I haven't let Tyra Banks off the hook for her grievous maljudging in the past two weeks. Now, I looovvve Tyra. God knows I do. But I'd kill her dead if she messes up another season of America's Next Top Model! (I'm just playing Tyra, I can change!)

Now. A couple weeks ago I made my grand predictions of who I thought would be ANTM. My experience as judge includes five straight cycles (plus VH1 reairings and specials) of ANTM and debating with high degree of detail between each winner and loser. See, there has been only one real top model (just like there has been only 3 American Idols : Kelly Clarkson, Fantasia and runner up Clay Aiken, but that's for another post). Eva the Diva has been the only girl able to mix charisma, real-girl sass and looks to be able to work the high fashion and commerical model worlds. Of all of my girl crushes, I think Eva is the most down to earth without trying...yet I will by any CoverGirl lipgloss she touts (which is big becuase I don't wear anything besides MAC).

All the other chicks Tyra has picked have fullfilled some other hole in the fashion world like interesting tomboy turned femme (Adrian, Cycle 1), haute couture goddess (Yohanna, Cycle 2) and the urban light-skinned chick (Naima, Cycle 4). But none of these girls were top models. Now, I believe Tyra is eliminating the best models with the most interesting personalities (Lisa and Kim) for the most glamorest (like Trina spells it) looking girls: Bre and Nik.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to have seen another black girl win. But this year, a black girl just wasn't the best. Tyra annouced her retirement and is running her victory lap by reinstating a Tyra clone to take her place. Big hair, hoodish and curvy...Nik. Now, Nik has about as much personality as a Florida orange, so who knows how hood she is. All I know is that she went on a date with two British gentleman like she was going to the Cove or the Red Zone...with a tank and some jeans. Get a suit, nigga button up!

Bre is pushing the Omarosa boundaries of BBFIUFEOT (Black Bitches Fuckin It Up For Everybody On TV), but she has been stepping up her modeling game. But she STILL isn't a top damn model. I am heartbroken that Lisa is gone...she never took a bad photo. Tyra must have had her weave sewn in too tight if she thinks phuckin Jayla is a better model than Lisa, Kim, Mr. and Miss Jay...the scenery would look better by itself without Jayla in it.

Tonight's episode will leave us with the pivotal Final 3, and from there we'll have to spend another year reeling at Tyra's bad choicing skills. When she did it right, and it was between Eva and YaYa, Eva won not because she was the better model, but because she was the better person. A Model Citizen. Who do you like as a person who is left? None of those chicks.

New Predictions

America's Next Top Model: Nik. She gets the best assignments. She looks the most like Tyra. And though she shows no personality, trust me Tyra will try to mold her one, like she is doing with Naima.

Next To Go Home: Jayla. She just can't pull it off with the visual powerhouses left in the competition.

Poor Out Some Liquor For: Lisa and Kim. I place bets now that these two will top whoever is chosen this year!


At 4:49 PM, Anonymous Tara said...

I'm still laughing at your BBFITPFEOT.

But seriously. I can't believe Kim and Lisa went home before Jayla. Jayla hasn't had a good picture since episode 4 or earlier. I'm picking Nik to go all the way. But I really think Kim could've made it.

At 2:37 PM, Blogger Juli said...

As a fellow ANTM watcher/addict.. I must say that I agree with you 100%. I was HEARTBROKEN when they kicked Lisa to the curb!! I was yelling and everything. I can't BELIEVE they cut her!! SHe was awesome. So much personality and zeal for life!! Those remaining chicks are both wack. completely. I have no one to root for now. so whatever. :(

At 1:58 PM, Blogger lady_in_purple said...

bwahahaha @ BBFITPFEOT. Honorable mentions to Yaya (Cycle 3)and Keenyah (Cycle 4). They were both BEAUTIFUL and could have won minus the funky attitudes.

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