Tuesday, January 10, 2006

I'd Be Sweet Cheeks


I’ve fought over Flavor Flav. Well, maybe not William Drayton, Jr., former (or current) hype man for Public Enemy, but some guy that couldn’t be worth a dime if he had 10 pennies stuck to his ass. You know the type. The type of guy who gets some kind of rise out of hoarding women, and have women compete for his affection. The kind of guy who has Kleenex boxes full of women in their cell phones, and depending on his mood and “flavor” can call anybody he wants. The kind that can cater his flattering techniques to the chick he wants to bone…and knows that girls will go down to the wire for that. Ya'll can say what you want...but Flav is living out every man's fantasy. He is either describing the life of some men, or the life some men wish they had the balls to lead...that's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

After watching Flav’s reality show, Flavor of Love, in its second week, I started to see too many damn similarities between the show and some stuff that has gone on in my life. I’ve been the girl vying for a man’s attention, as he courts other cuties. I’ve been the jealous type that would attack the chick before checking my man. I’ve turned men into idols, making their importance in my life way more important than what it was. I’ve been Oyster, Hoops and New York. At least these chicks got some TV time and some doe.


Flav is having a ball in a house full of bitches (matter of fact, I’m just gonna call him “Bitches” from now on because he has so many bitches (did you see Boondocks Sunday? (Here I go again with the multiple parenthesis))) who are flaunting their assets in order to get a sliver of his time. Before he was famous, I bet no woman ever gave him the time of day. A lot of Black men have that Mike Jones mentality…I’m not here to point fingers, just stating the obvious. It may be because niggas, historically, have never had any money. It could be that women are goldiggers and men work overtime to save them. It could the whole Hip Hop, machismo, show-your-dick-with-a-big-chain theory. I don’t know, this ain’t Sociology class.

The show is tacky. It has that American Pimp feel to it. Maybe Bitches and his bitches wear too many bright colors, I don’t know. For some reason, The Bachelor (even though it was tacky) just didn’t leave as bad a taste in my mouth. We all knew that when Blacks got a hold of the idea of several chicks going after one man, it would have some implications of being craptacular to it. It was inevitable.

I just want to know who will be the first woman to turn the tables. I know one…a Columbus cutie, with a budding journalism career, invites to all the hottest events in Ohio and abroad…a Saturn SL2…and nobody to share it with. Who wants to back my show!?

So Bitches and his bitches are putting on TV what us women do everyday: turn ourselves into collections of asses and titties to be attractive to a man who isn’t really good for much. All women don’t do it. But I know I have. I just wasn’t as smart as Peaches to get paid for it. I know what it does to Hip Hop, especially with Bitches being from a group like Public Enemy who were politicial and radical. People are so quick to throw out the word "minstrel" nowadays, I think people should take it easy on Flav. He's not desecrating a whole race or culture...just himself.

8 Comments:

At 12:10 PM, Blogger GC (God's Child) said...

Dear Donna,
I know that as a journalist, you feel obliged to report on all the goings-on for your audience. Yes, it is your duty to go above and beyond and GET THAT STORY. But Donna, you don't have to suffer through bad tv. It's alright. We understand. I don't have a tv, and I will probably never catch an episode but if you had changed the channel out of disgust, I would have taken your word for it that I wasn't missing anything. So please, don't punish yourself anymore.
Much Love,
GC

 
At 12:33 PM, Anonymous belladawn said...

great post... though back n the day, i never thought people would look at Flavor as like.. a sex symbol?!

 
At 2:33 PM, Blogger Daddy's Girl said...

Hey who r u and what did u do do Donni?! I kno that the woman that taught me the meaning to "CLEVER" isn't going out like that. You taught me that even if a chick's booty is bigga, I can pull her nigga, but I shouldn't want him. We don't chase. Stop that!

I think the Flav show is his way of getting over his Strange Love.

 
At 4:18 PM, Blogger DM said...

@ God's Child: I'm a TV head, and I'll watch anything at least once. I am a double VH1 head, so if there is nothing on, I'll watch VH1. The show isn't any worse than any other reality TV to me...now if you don't like reality TV at all, than you'll probably hate it.

@Dawn: Everybody is sexy to somebody in their own way, I guess. Flav isn't my cup of tea...(if he popped up, I'd probably throw all my tea out!) But chicks are desparate for men and fame, so what can you do!

@Laina: Awww, girl! I'm not saying I've done it all the time, but I've chased a man before.

Flav is still sick over the big, white chick, I'm sure of that...see, you can never trust the rebound chicks!

 
At 9:26 AM, Blogger Funky D said...

Well, as the token whiteguyhiphopfan here, I think the show is amazing, even better than Celebrity Fit Club 3 (which I am also watching religiously)!

 
At 9:38 AM, Blogger DM said...

Hey D! I'm glad I'm not the only one hooked on Celebreality!!!

 
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