Monday, February 13, 2006

The Attack of Valentine's Day: Don't Fall in Love

“Please baby don’t
Don’t fall in love with me
Please baby don’t
You know my history
Baby I’m just trying to warn you
Please baby don’t
Don’t fall in love with me”

Please Baby Don’t by Sergio Mendes featuring John Legend

There are huge advantages to falling in love with me. For one, you get what I like to call a “boy boot camp”. This is where you learn all idiosyncrasies of women, from someone who isn’t going to leave you. You can phuck up, I always understand. In turn, you are 99 percent guaranteed to fall for a chick within a month (sometimes during) the time you decide to stop phuckin with me. I used to think this was just a coincidence, now I know it as science.Whatever I do to boys, it is too intense, too crazy and atmospheric for them to handle. I don’t know what it is, and I’m kind of done figuring it out.

So then Valentine’s Day comes around, which has women all across America trying to figure out what is wrong with them and why they don’t have boys hurling singing stuffed monkeys and fat laden chocolate at their doorsteps. It’s all in vain. I’d rather have a boy go all out for me on March 2 than a secular holiday. I’ve had men shower me with thousands of dollars worth of crap that I could care less about. I’ve had men write beautiful ballads and poems and create drawings and artwork for me that meant the world to them. I’ve had men forget all about this “holiday” and everything was business as usual. None of this matters, because none of them niggas are around now.

So everyone gets excited about Valentine’s Day and wants to talk about love. The Bible say’s it is patient and kind, forgiving and faithful. But mankind is none of those things. So people are trying to live up to promises that do not exist. Even the people I love, like my family and friends, that I have no romantic interest in..I’m not patient and kind with them. So how am I going to be that way with my man?

Back to what I do to boys. So I’ve noticed this pattern with my exes, that appreciate me more after they are gone, but don’t want me back. That lament me with how great and fun I am, but don’t want to ever see me. That complain about their current flames, yet don’t want me back. I don’t know if these kind of situations are normal, but it’s definitely not flattering. And I’ve decided that I’m kind of done with the whole, falling in love, it’s spring and life is beautiful feeling that I’ve been doing to death for the past 10 years. It leads to the same situation:

-Donna falls for boy
-Boy can’t get enough of Donna
-Donna keeps it real with boy
-Boy is allowed to keep it real to the point where he feels he can tell Donna he doesn’t like her, but still wants to be around
-Donna allows for these awkward relationships

I am getting dangerously close to becoming a bitter broad over all of this. So while it’s good for humanity and all, and black love is great, no longer will I be seeking to fall in love with anybody, anytime soon. It feels great in the beginning, but then I spend all Fall wondering who is going to love me in the Winter. So like the doctor says: an ounce of prevention spares a pound of pain (or something like that).

Love is not about the thrill of the fall. It’s about the fact that you can decide to make a crazy individual feel like a normal person. That their craziness isn’t that crazy at all. Love is about the fact that I can’t pay my bills all by myself, and I can trust you to get my oil changed in my car and if I make too much salmon for dinner tonight, it will spoil, so I want to share it with you. Love isn’t about beauty and wonderment. It’s about the ugliness that all humans face and the fact that no one wants to go through it alone. It’s about the fact that the only thing that comforts me about dying is the fact that there will be some lineage of women and men who will have some of me running through them. Real beauty comes from strength in character, a face weathered from adversity and doing the right thing. I just want to do the right thing and have somebody by my side to inspire me to do it.

So to answer the question, "why do fools fall in love" I think they do because people will always be attracted to novelty and their own prowness to ever be more sensible about sharing themselves with some else. People are so wrapped up in their own attractiveness to understand that the only reason why people ever like you is because they've forgiven you for the crazy, inconsistent person you are behind all the beauty. And that's all I want.


At 12:18 PM, Blogger GC (God's Child) said...

good post
good post
What's happening on March 2?

At 1:12 PM, Blogger DM said...

March 2, nothing it's just a regular day.

At 2:23 PM, Blogger GC (God's Child) said...

and so is february 14
and that's what's really good

At 5:36 PM, Blogger Anita said...


Don't let all the hype of this made up holiday wear you out. And definitely do not let past let downs make you bitter. Ain't worth it.

You do have a pretty realistic view of the whole love thing, which is good. It ain't about the fallin', it's the landin' that counts.

I'd love to give you some great advice that would really help you out; however, I'm still findin' my way too. A great resource that I've found is a site called It's a Jewish site with lots of information, etc. and their dating articles are real, no-nonsense, practical advice about the process of finding love and making it work. Ain't nobody talkin' about horoscopes, great moves in bed or how to tell if he's really into you.

Rather than romantic illusions (which too many of us get caught up in), offers practical guidelines for creating the love you want, either in a couple or as a single. What I really dig is their concept that choosing the right partner is like choosing the right house, car, college, job -- you do the research, ask the right questions, and make your decisions based on facts rather than emotions.

Love and marriage, just like all other major events in your life, are best approached using sound business practices. It ain't romantic, but it's true.

Happy love your damn self day, my sista!


At 7:11 PM, Blogger Tracie said...

hi donna i really love reading your blog but this entry kind of bummed me out. i use to kind of sulk around valentines day because it seemed to highlight the fact that i didn't have "someone special" but now i come to realize that i have tons of special people in my life that love me including the crazy,real, and passionate sides of me, and they show me almost everyday, instead of saving it for one day. besides my momma sent me a blanket and some chocolates and i could not be more pleased, besides ohio dudes are... let's say a special breed i.e. flaky.

At 10:05 AM, Anonymous Jamila said...

Hey Donna! Just thought I would stop by.. I enjoyed your post its got alot of truth in it.. When I think of love and relationships I think of my parents.. basically because they started with nothing and worked hard to build what they have. No it wasnt always roses and candy but they are still together.. Love aint supposed to be sweet all the time.. its supposed to be work.. I dont think people understand that..NE way I hope you enjoy your day!

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