Friday, March 17, 2006

My Personal Trainer Mounted Me

…but we’ll get to that in a second. So I met with my personal trainer last night for my first free session. He was a cutie, kinda brown, kinda short, but buff. But that didn’t matter. We talked about health, fitness, diet and all that stuff. He told me I was on track and he thinks I can make all of my fitness goals. He took my BMI, which was way higher than I expected it to be. I am more cushiony than I thought. Off to the workout…

Six minutes at my target heart rate. That was nothing. I probably could have gone another 15 minutes or so. Was this guy being soft on me because I was a girl (a thick girl at that?). I lifted some weights, using way heavier weights than I would have chosen for myself. Dude promised me that he wasn’t trying to make me look like Dexter Jackson, but trying to get me some definition. He said I didn’t have to work out until failure…I’m thinking I was going to get wheeled out of there in a stretcher. He laughed…we moved on to drills.

I was good at first. We did squats, lunges, jumping jacks…and then my head got a little woozy. Now anyone who knows me knows that I’m always a little spaced out for one reason or another anyways. But I tried to push through because 1. Dude was a hottie and I didn’t want to collapse and embarrass myself and 2. Because I didn’t want him to think I was a punk because I am a thick chick. So I’m pushing and pushing and jumping and lunging and he asks me “are you okay,” and I’m sweating and panting and I say, “yeah!” And he says, “you look a little flush, you need to take a break,” and I say “I’m good, let’s go!” and he grabs my hand and tells me “you’re really cool, I think your blood-sugar level has dropped, sit down” so I sit down and that’s the end of my workout.

In total, I did about 12 minutes, which is wack but the personal trainer told me there’s nothing I can do if my blood sugar level drops and that I need to eat more. I tell him, “you know, I can go all night, let’s go again.” I always have to flirt with somebody. Then he asks me, “well, have you ever been stretched out before?” And I laugh and say, “not professionally.” So he puts me on this stretching table and asks me what feels tight. At this point, I think this guy is trying to bone. But I tell him my hamstrings and he gets on top of me and puts my legs over my head. He says,” wow, you are pretty flexible,” and I say “I bet I have to put my legs over my head more than you do.” So then he has me breathing in and out and pressing against him and he’s pushing on me. If I had a penis I would have pitched a tent, but since women can be unnoticeably turned on, I just kept saying “wow, this feels good,” and he would say “yeah, makes you want to fall asleep, huh?”

He didn’t ask me out or for my number or anything like that. He did try to get me to buy 16 more sessions with him. That’s not really in the baller budget, but I wonder how I can get a boy to stretch me out like that on a regular basis.

Tonight I’ll be going to Whole Foods in Dublin to get some whole foods and not processed crap.

I’ll be doing my hair this evening and avoiding the drunken foolery on the road. I don’t care what the rhyme or reason is…everybody PLEASE be safe and drive slow tonight.

I really do want to go to the movies this weekend…so I am going to try to catch V for Vendetta and Chappelle’s Block Party. Wish me luck!

Song For Today: St. Patrick’s Day by John Mayer


At 11:23 AM, Blogger Ms. Pretty Green Eyes said...

I think I may be apart of the drunken foolery on the road tonight. Well, that is, unless Jessica manages to take the keys from me. First Applebees happy hour and then later on some more drinks and more drinks and more drinks. I have alot to celebrate tonight considering the stupid ass sign that has obviously been plastered on my forehead for the last month and a half has just been removed. Long story. But I am sure after a few drinks I will tell all.

At 12:56 PM, Blogger GC (God's Child) said...

Oh my gosh what a racy post.
Stay safe this weekend and enjoy those movies. I might wind up seeing V for Vendetta myself. Lemme know about block party.

At 1:38 PM, Anonymous belladawn said...

Donna that is so damn funny! i dont know what the hell u was doin over @ bally's! :-) thats the kanye west work out plan there...

yes drive SLOW homies!

call me about seeing the chappelle movie.

At 1:52 PM, Blogger Paula D. said...

Hilarious! I thought you had been working out for like 30 minutes.....the 12 minutes made me bust out laughing!

At 2:14 PM, Blogger Miz JJ said...

Now that is what I call a workout! Lol.

At 5:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I had a penis I would have pitched a tent.."

that was too funny! but it's good that he didn't push you after he saw you lose energy!

Happy St. Paddy's Day. yay John!

At 1:59 PM, Blogger Slow Metamorphosis said...

Wow didnt you have a great session! lol...I am so mad at you for flirting with that trainer girl but its hard not to when they are so darned cute and you can see the muscles rippling. Can black folk really get flushed?

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