Tuesday, April 04, 2006

My First Sex Talk

Could be an organ donor
The way I give up my heart
---Happy Valentine’s Day, Andre 3000

The other day, I called my mom when I got off of work. This isn’t the abnormal part of the story. I often call my mom when I get off of work. Well after trading pleasantries and evil coworker rants, she says, “There’s something I should have talked to you and your sister about a long time ago?” My mind began to wonder…is my dad really my uncle? Am I adopted?

“Okay,” I said reluctantly, considering that I could dodge this conversation, hang up and blame it on bad cell phone reception.

“It’s the nine month rule,” says a woman, who never in my long legged life, has ever said anything about sex to me outside of what happened on The Young and the Restless or the Flavor of Love. The only sex talk I had with her growing up was on prom night, even though I was going with a platonic friend. “You be careful and watch yourself” was all she said.

“Excuse me?” I had to ask for clarification. Because I just knew she wasn’t talking about what I thought she was talking about.

“Well, I don’t know who you are intimate with, but it seems like you talk to a lot of guys,” my mom said. Things look that lucrative on the outside, but a nigga is dry as a well, was what I was thinking.

“I just have lots of male friends,” I said.

She goes on to tell me that, from experience, she knows that one can have a more meaningful relationship when they wait nine months before they get physical. Telling a man upfront, my mom philosophizes, can weed out the booty hounds from the for real, genuine, upstanding, brothers. She doesn’t think I date enough of those kinds.

“You really can’t know somebody for nine months, until they show you all of their ugliness and stop putting on heirs.”


“And if they turn out to be a jerk, then you haven’t given up anything in the process.”


“Your body is precious and like MTV says, when you sleep with somebody, you’re sleeping with everybody they slept with.”


After about 20 or so minutes of this conversation, me and my mommy hung up, and I called my best friend PTosh.

I asked her how long she waited to sleep with her husband when they first started dating. She gave me a respectable answer. Then she asked, “Well, what counts as sex?”

“So how long should I wait?” I asked her knowing that she knows me better than my mom, knows my weaknesses and my will power.

“Really…like a year,” she says, I gasp. “Ultimately, until marriage.” OMG, I think I’m going to faint.

After much discussion and debate, we decided:

1. Oral sex and intercourse are the same in many ways and different in many ways.

2. My mom is right.

3. But after one has dipped her toes in the fountain of man, one must modify the nine month rule.

“Nine months is a long time!” PTosh says in her normally, excited voice. “But you would cut out a lot of crap!”

So the question for the day is: how long should one wait to have sex with someone? A set period of time or as soon as they get the urge? And if a woman decides to wait, say, nine months, should she tell her potential…or just let him wait for an undisclosed amount of time?

Song For Today: Obstacles by Eric Roberson

Tonight: Ladies night ($2 admission) at Black Pearl Poetry...Sorority girls get a special sumthin from the host!

Birthday shout outs: GO Krate Digga! It's your birthday! Get busy! Get busy!


At 9:53 AM, Anonymous belladawn said...

mommy is off the hook!
i do believe that if ur going 2b in a relationship w/somebody u should AT LEAST wait 1 month. now people have called me prudish 4 that! but now that mommy told u that it makes me feel fast!

At 10:27 AM, Blogger DM said...

Yeah, I couldn't believe my ears!

People expect sex now like it's HBO On Demand...

At 11:55 AM, Blogger BBB_0202020 said...

o.k. well I have been celibate for almost 2 years and let me say this. PLus of this is that I don't have bitterness or resentment with myself for sleepng the guys that pass thru my life. Downsde- men disappear qucker (but ths is probably a good thing) and dry draws, lol.

And plus I have waited so damn long I fgure it better be damned special when I unleash the beast!

uummm...I think I might do a celibacy post...

lol@ yours mom's post 21 birds and the bees convo, see u 2nte?

At 12:00 PM, Blogger DM said...

Two years! Oye vay! Maybe I need to find something else to concentrate on besides doin it.

Yeah, we are on for the BStone tonight...

At 12:14 PM, Blogger BBB_0202020 said...

yeah well i think about doing it all the time, just havent met a worthy candidate. When I think i have found one they always screw and make me doubt giving it up, I think being celibate has honed my bullshyt detector!

At 12:39 PM, Blogger DM said...

Never thought about it like that...I haven't tweaked my bullshit detector in a while.

Speaking od celibacy, when are we going to have a fun party?

At 1:30 PM, Blogger BBB_0202020 said...

Me and Afrika were just talking about that...we have to discuss ths. we were thinkng n the near future

At 9:40 AM, Blogger Toya said...

Girl, I met my husband on a Wednesday (at Happy Hour at the club, when I should have been in Bible study) and gave it up on Saturday. Yeah, I was "loose wit it" but hey ... it worked for us.

At 11:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would like to take a moment to thank everyone that reads donna's blog who has come out to the night for coming out!
I appreciate all of you and am working hard at doing more to make th ladies night of poetry alot more fun for you all.
ed mabrey

At 5:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

that's a good question - but i think each person has to decide for themselves,what's right.

if i could develop a 'bull-shyt' detector, like tigerkiss, it'd come in real handy - as i'm pretty easy (read trusting), if i actually had some prospects! ;-)

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