Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Runaway Bride


I think I may be pregnant. I'm having strange food cravings, morning sickness and I'm always tired. But instead of giving birth in nine months, it may be one. Or maybe I’m getting married at the end of May and moving off to New Mexico…sans parents, best friends and Godbabies. I feel like I’m doing all of those things, but I’m buying a house. And all of those commitment phobic situations I’ve listed above are nothing compared to 30 years with a dwelling…I want a pre-nup. I want to know that if after a year…if this house isn’t the one. If my furniture doesn’t look right, or the safari feel I’m going for doesn’t mesh…or the cathedral ceiling starts to crack…I can get out and get on with my life.

I’m buying a house. And there is no babydaddy to contribute to the groceries or husband out toiling for the mortgage. Just me and PMI…and taxes. I’m scared and excited all at once. A feeling like losing your virginity, except that you know, for a fact that for the next 30 years there will be a baby…something that you have to take care of and maintenance. Wouldn’t this change your mind about having sex?

I was proposed to once. Right after high school. I said no. And even though I was madly in love with my high school boyfriend, I knew what kind of woman I would be. I am a serial monogamist. I find temporary beauty in many. The longest relationship I’ve ever had without cheating was about a year and a half. And once the loving feeling was gone, no matter how hard we both tried to rekindle it, we couldn’t. Even when I meet a guy and I can check off 99 percent of his excellent qualities, that looming one percent will always haunt me. Something better is always abound. The last guy I was serious about…I used to think ‘maybe this is as good as it gets.’ I’m kind of glad I cheated on him, though…

I’m buying this house, and it is way out of my league. It’s like dating a football player. Not for some team a girl wouldn’t recognize. But like a multi-Super Bowl winning-Dallas Cowboys-in-their-prime quarterback. Like the kind of guy your closest friends even know is out of your league. This house is so out of my league, it’s ridiculous. I’m not bragging. Because I feel real insecure about all of this. Yes, I can afford it. Yes, I do deserve it. And it’s perfect. But…

What if Elle Magazine calls and wants me on their staff or…

What if my next boyfriend moves to Los Angeles or…

What if I stumble upon a Manhattan condo for the same price as this Columbus house…

The what ifs are looming as hours count down to me putting in my first offer. I know I won’t run away. I will say yes. I will except the ring…I mean the deed. In the last couple months, I’ve made the following considerations.

1. I’d rather have a new bedroom suite than a bottle of wine every week.

2. I’d rather have clothes that are too big for me and spend my money on a fence for my new backyard.

3. Talking about taxes and painting techniques with my realtor is more fun than getting ready to go out to the club.

4. I’m the second of my friends to buy a house.

5. Of all of my degree clad friends, with great jobs…the one with the house doesn’t have a degree (they should all being shuddering at this point)

6. Owning a house is not about whether you can afford it…it’s about whether you can commit to it.

7. House hunting is too much like dating…and living in an apartment is like having a one-night stand, every day for a whole year.

I’m ready for commitment…whether I’m ready or not. Being a bachelorette has its perks…and I will still have all of those perks in the comfort of my garage and walk-in closet and upstairs washer and dryer.

Song For Today: Getting Married by Nas
"Say hello to the man, goodbye to the gigolo/It was difficult for me to find a chick I want"

12 Comments:

At 1:28 PM, Blogger Slow Metamorphosis said...

This is so amazing. I am SO proud of you! I know you are nervous but you have been prepping for this for awhile now so jump in girl. CONGRATS!

 
At 3:03 PM, Blogger the prisoner's wife said...

congrats! buying a house is huge! soon the nervous energy will disolve & break way to sheer & utter happiness. get ready to turn your music up as loud as you want!

btw: i love that Nas song! (i've even written about him on my blog)

 
At 3:15 PM, Blogger GC (God's Child) said...

re
What if Elle Magazine calls and wants me on their staff or…

What if my next boyfriend moves to Los Angeles or…

What if I stumble upon a Manhattan condo for the same price as this Columbus house…


SUBLET
SELL
Never gonna happen--not even in Brooklyn these days.

 
At 3:18 PM, Anonymous Twobuzy2 said...

Everything will work out for the good, although it is understandable to be nervous. I bought my 1st house 3 1/2 years ago when I was 24, a single parent, degreeless and making next to nothing. Now I am married and on the lookout for house #2. My only suggestion would be to try to pay a little extra each month, because when the city raises taxes and your escrow is low, they will raise your mortgage payment to compensate.

 
At 3:28 PM, Blogger DM said...

@Slow Met: This is amazing. To think I didn't really plan for this at the beginning of the year, and now I'm ready to move in!

@Prisoner's Wife: Thanks for stopping by! I hope the jittery feeling will pass soon...you'll have to school me more on Nas.

@God's Child: Yeah, that Manhattan condo is kind of like that freak train that men think will pass them by once they get married...NEVER gonna happen!

@TwoBuzy: Thanks so much for the tips...call or email me so you can give me some more!

 
At 2:42 PM, Blogger Anita said...

go 'head BAC and do the grown up thing! yes, it's scary; no, you don't know how it's going to turn out -- isn't that what all the best stuff in life is about? embrace the now, fully and completely, and when change comes (as it always does)embrace that too. you are fully capable. a friend of mine had wanted to leave Columbus for years (10 to be exact) and move back to South Carolina, her home state. could never make it happen. she finally embraced life here, bought a house she absolutely loved, landed a FAABULOUS gig, and within 18 months was transferred by her job, no less, to the Carolinas. just the way things work out sometimes.

just let a sista know when to come to the house warming and the girlfriend nights.

enjoy!

 
At 11:00 PM, Anonymous dyoung said...

wow...congrats and shit. reading shit like this just lets me know that i need to get my shit together

 
At 11:53 PM, Blogger BBB_0202020 said...

i can't wait to see you house and hopefully i will be next in gettng a mortgage, but mines would be a condo i am not able to do yard or hell house maintenace i need maintance on call, lol. or better yet a man that good around the house would be so much better.

 
At 12:32 PM, Blogger The Humanity Critic said...

Similar to what people have already been saying, I'm proud of you as well. You will be just fine.

 
At 12:18 PM, Blogger GoddessNoir said...

Girl, thigs will be fine. If any of those things happen, sublet, rent it out. Remember Whitely on A Different World, Relax, Relate, Release. Hugs, and lots of love, I'm SO happy for you!

 
At 7:15 PM, Blogger notyouraverage.... said...

as so many of the others have said - yes it is a big committment - but no, you are not going to be restricted by it and can always rent it, sublet it - ch-ching, if need be! good for you!

 
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