Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Waiting to Exhale...Or Scream...Or Cum

The Pink Ghetto’s male correspondent, Ernest, was a little concerned after I half-assed claimed celibacy last week. Some advice soon followed...

There is a big trend these days with more and more people trying to abstain from sex and/or become celibate. Most who are doing it are in their late teens to mid/late twenties. Now this trend has been linked to a lot of things such as:

-concerns for STDs such as AIDS

-the rapid growth of the 'outer' gay and lesbian community. This means those who do not claim to be gay or lesbian in their lifestyle but are having same sex sexual affairs and chalking it up to either curiosity or experimentation. (A lot of gay and lesbian folks call these types of people "tourists" since they are not ascribing to a lifestyle choice but one of sexual fulfillment)

-the increase in youth in religious beliefs. (supporting a faith)

-the increased maturity and rapid emotional and physical (and therefore sexual) growth in youth in this current generation. This leads to self awareness faster, quicker and seemingly more meaningful relationships sooner, and therefore sex happens sooner or seems to carry more emotional content for those having it, so therefore when the relationship (and subsequently the sex) ends, the emotional letdown which comes over as heartbreak leads to a more introspective person earlier in the maturation process.

Now all of this is fine and good on quite a few levels. One of the problems however, is that once you are no longer a virgin, you can't go back. No matter how great or horrible the experience was, you have had sex with someone and that knowledge is key in future relationships and how you will act.

In discussions such as these, it is always important to gauge where you are in your life and what role if any does sex play in it.

-You’ve had sex
-You liked sex
-You want more sex
-You want to wait till it is 'right' the next time

Some of those things are wise and some of them you simply will never ever know for sure.

Example- Put your self in this situation. You, for whatever reason, decide to become celibate. Years go by and you are tempted, but you wait. After some time, you even give up masturbation just to make sure you are fully ready for that special someone.

You meet them, and things go well. This person respects your wishes and the two of you grow in every way but sexually. You finally decide to go all the way in your now fully committed relationship.

You have your big night of re-releasing your virginity.
And it sucks.
It is horrible and you are unsure if it will ever get better.
Or you can flip this scenario and say your partner does not enjoy themselves one bit with you.
You can't do it for them in the bedroom.

Now what?

This is but one thing to think on when determining your true desires to hold off on something you like. If you hold out due to social views of promiscuity, then you are a fool who is moved by only social standards and have no view of yourself that is not spoon-fed to you.

If you hold out because you are unable to or find yourself mixing sex with emotions to begin with, then removing sex won't fix the problem, though it will appear to do so simply because while not focusing on sex in your life you will find other things to fill in that gap and therefore grow as a person, which is what you should have been doing in the first place.

In the end, we all should be virgins until marriage and then it has to be great since there is nothing to compare it with. But once you have laid down with someone, even if you do not want to remember, your body has recorded everything that happened, every place that was touched, all of it, and it never, ever forgets. (if you don't think so then ask anyone who has been raped or molested if they have sensitive zones on their body now.)

If you have had sex and choose to stop having it for a period of time, be frank with yourself as to WHY you feel the need to pause that part of your life. It is no different than eliminating a food, a vice, drug, alcohol, sports, anything else. You must know why you need to stay away from this thing in order to truly gain a grasp and be in CONTROL of the thing you wish to hold off on.

Notes from the editor...

Tonight: Black Pearl Poetry with Krate Digga on the boards...this guy gets around the club scene more than 2Pac, if you haven't noticed. AKAs and Alphas get something special, so show up in droves.


At 9:27 AM, Blogger Horny Old Guy said...

It all makes sense to me...I think. I can't see any reason to give up masturbation though. It's normal, healthy and fun and I don't see any drawbacks at all. It seems to me that would be like giving up drinking water. Cheers!

At 11:22 AM, Blogger GC (God's Child) said...

all I have to say is, if after waiting one finds that things are less than one expected/hoped--hey practice makes perfect--keep right on doin' it.

At 12:33 PM, Blogger Miz JJ said...

Being celibate has many benefits, but sex just feels so good. What can I say...the mind is willing, but the flesh is weak.

At 4:48 PM, Blogger BBB_0202020 said...

Well, I will say that another reason to abstain is because when you look at the boys that had sex with you and you realze that they din't deserve it and hell that they are not around anymore. My thing is now that I havent even met someone worth consdering, oohhh the toil of a single woman but I feel as long as I stay a free thinking person and stay in touch with my sexuality I will be alrite until I meet him.

p.s. how funny is it that you just found that pic, lololol

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