Friday, May 26, 2006

All Weekend Long

1. I was able to find a banging dress and sexy red shirt for this weekend’s festivities. I spent a grand total of $54.

2. I was happy that I no longer have to shop in the big girl’s department…not that there is anything wrong with plus size clothes…but it feels good not have to buy them anymore.

3. This means that I don’t have to do a lot of worrying about a store not having my size…for the first time since high school!

4. I am going to be about the town All Weekend Long, so if you want to meet me and tell me how much you love my blog…or how stupid I am…this weekend is the time to do it.
5. I get off of work an hour early today!

6. This gives me an extra hour to get my “Maintenance Day” started.

7. “Maintenance Day” is an essential precursor to any sexual or summer activity or any other activity involving people being close to you, touching you and/or you feeling and looking glowing and feminine.

8. “Maintenance Day” includes, but is not limited to: full body salt scrub, head to toe hair removal, removal of excess cuticles and skin from feet and hands, application of polish to toes and fingernails, facial including steaming and mask, application of bronzer (for the summer tanned feel), deep conditioning of my hair, along with the trial of a new hairstyle.

9. Yes, I do this at least once a month from Memorial Day until Labor Day and any other time when someone will be extremely close to me.

10. Have fun this weekend, don’t OD on BBQ, don’t drive drunk and saying hi to me as a fan of my blog may land you a free drink!

Just in time for the holiday weekend…More Boy Rules

Rule 12: The Importance of Dating
I theorize that many of the Waiting To Exhale, women spewing venom at potential mates are women who don’t date enough. Because once someone has dated their fair share of men, they begin to hone in on exactly what they want. For example:

When I started house hunting, I was excited at the possibility of seeing different homes…the next weekend I went out, my realtor and I had eliminated a style of home I didn’t like. Eventually I knew I wanted a certain kind of condo…and that’s all I need to look for. I didn’t have the energy nor time to consider cape cods, ranches, etc., because it wasn’t my taste.

I think if women were more open to dating (not meeting a guy and sleeping with him before you sit down with him and see where his head is at), then you can begin to eliminate character traits you don’t like…which will eventually lead to you focusing your interest one type of man. I’ve dated tons of men, and there are certain kinds I just don’t entertain anymore. Sure, it’s fun to take a test drive, but I’m not bringing that puppy home.

Rule 13: Sex For Shits and Giggles
“Lying is the most fun a girl can have with her clothes on,” says Natalie Portman’s character in Closer. I’d rather lie all night long than have sex with someone just because I have nothing better to do.

If you are in a committed relationship and you are your honey are bored…throw him on his back and ride him like a cowboy whenever you want.

If you are single with a cell phone full of losers and horny…buy a vibrator.

When you have sex with someone, you should always assume that the worst-case scenario will happen. Do you want to face those scenarios with that person? AIDS, pregnancy and STDs can be life changing. But so can a girlfriend you don’t know about who barges in. Or his momma. Or he may purposefully try to get your pregnant. Or introduce you to his peeps the next day. Or he laughs like the Joker. Or any other commitment-type situation that you didn’t bargain for when you tried to just get your rocks off.

Rule 14: Hard Dick and Bubble Gum
Don’t have sex for money, dinners out, Coach purses or your cell phone bills. Prostitutes have sex for money. If you’re going to be a prostitute, whore for big-ticket items like real estate, career advancement and stock options. Don’t have sex for hard dick and bubble gum.

Don’t even run in the same kind of circle with boys who want to trick girls off. You are an item to them. Your time, effort, personality, charm and beauty is worth more than any expensive restaurant, I don’t care how expensive it is.

I’ve had boys buy me really expensive and outlandish things. Once, I had a boy that bought me at least one designer purse a month. I wasn’t into designer purses…I gave them to my friends. I thought he was fiscally irresponsible.

Boys who like you will do things to impress you. And I’m not saying don’t accept gifts…but you must stress that his character and personality far outweigh anything he can buy.

Song For Today: Doin’ It by LL Cool J


At 7:39 PM, Anonymous Hair Removal Queen said...

Great post. Really liked your hair removal maintenance discussion. That's something we don't seem to want to talk about. Thanks for giving it some attention.

bikini hair removal

At 12:21 PM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

you're so right in all three of these. I think it just takes time to get to a point where you're like "uh uh. can't do that, won't do that, don't need to do that", etc....

At 8:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a great story. Waiting for more. »


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