Tuesday, May 23, 2006


American Idol’s down to the Final Two. Who will win?

I predict Taylor. I can’t see Katherine making any sellable, contemporary music. She should sing for the Disney Channel or something. But competing with what’s out there now? I just don’t see it. Taylor is my Michael McDonald-fantasy…though that’s not a particularly freaky fantasy…I just like funky, white boys, OK!

I don’t get Shakira. Is it just me, or does she look like a messy, unkept Beyonce?

More Rules!

Rule 9: Sex on the First Night
Or the first week, or whatever. Basically, this is about sex before having some type of meaningful connection with someone. And meaningful isn’t being able to dance to Between The Sheets on the crowded Cove dance floor without bumping into anyone else. I’m the furthest from prude, I’m not judging you.

You either have to decide that you want to have casual sex with people or you don’t. You shouldn’t have casual sex if you can’t deal with emotional unattachment. There’s nothing wrong with being either kind of person, but you can’t be both.

Know yourself enough to know that you cannot handle the emotional burden of potentially having a one-night stand, and don’t do it. This is extremely important and something you should notify all of your girls about before you even set foot in a place that sells alcohol by the glass. Either you are a person who occasionally gets caught up in the moment and has premature sex…or you should never have it. Decide beforehand what kind of person you are and stick to that.

If you are a hit’em and quit’em type of girl, that doesn’t mean that you should go spreading your eggs like the Easter bunny. My advice has always been that if you are going to have unattached sex, that still isn’t a reason to not get to know the other person. There should be some type of friendship before you have sex. It may not be the strongest friendship in the world, but you should know the person outside of just wanting to jump their bones. If a boy wants to have sex with you this Saturday, he’ll want to have sex the next Saturday. He can wait another week.

Don’t ever have sex with someone you just met that night. Now, I know I said I wasn’t judging you before…but in a world of kidnappings, rapes and murders, that shit just ain’t safe. Always take out enough time to Google someone before spreading your legs. That’s the least you could do for yourself.

Rule 10: Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Don’t go anywhere looking for a boy. You are way too fabulous for that. Go out to network, meet people, have fun, rub up on a couple penises on the dance floor. But don’t go out with the intentions of finding a boy.

Life is too short to limit your experiences to either being single or attached. I may go out and not get any numbers, but I met two new graphic designers, someone who can do natural hair and a mortgage broker. I may talk to a hot guy about Hip Hop all night, and he may become a resource for my next story.

If a boy becomes interested in talking to you when you go out…don’t go on full out attack. Let him offer to buy you a drink. Talk to him about anything besides your body, your clothes, his boxers or anything like that. Ask him about work, school, music, art, culture, current events…all the things that you supposedly want to talk about with a boy anyways.

Don’t end up with your ass in the air before you realize that the only culture he knows about is hyphy. Don’t get upset that you went out with your friends and didn’t get any numbers. That used to get me down, until I started to realize that I was always meeting tons of people. I just wanted some ignorant nigga to holla at me.

Rule 11: Where to Find Boys
So you say fuck it…you are cute, independent and you have a huge social circle. You want to find a boy. Fact: The only kind of guys who hit on girls exclusively at clubs are boys trying to have premature sex with you…let that marinate…deal with it.

So you need to put yourself in an environment that you would want your boy to go with you. Your boy should already be there. If you like art and culture…go to the Gallery Hop, a poetry night (though you have to be careful of poets), an African drumming/dance class, something like that. If you like political savvy fellows, meet some lobbyists and go to happy hour with them. You get where this is going? You have to step outside of your usual circle in order to be around the type of person you want to meet. If you continue to hang in the same circle, of course your options will seem limited. But they never are!

GO OUT BY YOURSELF! Sit alone, and take in the experience for yourself. You may learn something. Somebody may approach you, they may not. It’s okay. Part of being independent is being comfortable by yourself. If you can’t stand to be alone with you, what makes you think a boy wants to be alone with you?

Tonight: Black Pearl Poetry with a mystery slam…TiVo Idol and come out to support live people!

Song For Today: Being A Girl by Van Hunt. I just can’t help myself!


At 9:54 AM, Blogger Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

u can find us (men) in the libraries and in the parks coaching our little league baseball teams and AAU basketball teams. And dont talk about material, for the only real material ios what one can create with their mind and how they value family

At 10:26 AM, Anonymous kiesha said...

I thought I was the only one who saw the B/Shakira resemblance. I once glanced at a magazine cover and thought it was B, a double take revealed that it was Shakira. This post is just more proof that I probably need to relocate. The only black men I see in the library in Philly are old, homeless, or both! Or they're teenagers working on science projects :/

At 6:22 PM, Blogger Paula D. said...

If you can’t stand to be alone with you, what makes you think a boy wants to be alone with you?

This is true!!!

At 8:27 AM, Blogger Toya said...

I love Shakira - then again, I'm a bellydancer and have used her music in performances.

At 9:55 AM, Anonymous dyoung said...

this is a good list, especially when you consider that the majority of it could be applied to us as well.

At 12:10 PM, Blogger GC (God's Child) said...

what is hyphy?

@ Keisha,
don't come to NYC--there's no men in the library black or otherwise.

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