Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Single, Single, Single...Life!

I swear some of the stuff that happens to me as I scout men, and the things people say, you wouldn’t believe. But, I’m going to talk about a couple guys I’ve met (shout outs to Tray) and how…colorful my life as a single girl has been…

Jake, 28
This guy has a body like 50 Cent. And I’m not even all into those beef-eatin, just out of prison-looking guys. He wears three-piece suits. He has those ill 360 waves. I haven’t dated a guy with waves since…well they were never my type. But he’s fly, so we hook up. Come to find out he has about as much personality as a brown M&M. He’s never eaten a tomato, a watermelon, thinks Jamaican food and fondue is “exotic.” Only goes to Chipotle for the “beef and cheese” and is an out of the closest metrosexual. I’m fly…but this guy had more sexy than me! My boy DYoung says it’s never good for a man to outsexy a woman…well Jake was such a waste. I seen him last week and he asked why I haven’t called him…I told him I was too busy eating tomato soup.

Daron, 26
I used to be all about this guy…until he played me for this random chick I knew. It was cool, they made a connection and an almost cute couple. And I respected the fact that two black people could find love in a world full of chaos…but does he actually expect for us to still be friends? I don’t think so. I tried to find a nice way to say “the thought of you talking to me after you kissed all over her makes me want to throw up and I hate you” in a nice way, but I figured by ignoring his calls, he’d get the point. The nerve!

Elijah, 24
He was young. Yeah, I know I’m 24…but I haven’t dated anyone under 25 in a long while. And he was a Cancer. Now I am a blubbering, indecisive, rollercoaster. But I’m a woman, and it’s sexy. Those characteristics on a man…well, I won’t stand for them! After the first week, this guy whined to me about not being able to make a connection with anybody…he was about to say phuck it and move away from it all. After I didn’t text him quick enough the next week, he told me I wasn’t being serious and maybe it wouldn’t work out at all…finally, I had to tell him I couldn’t stick my tit in his mouth every hour of the day and we called it quits…

MySpace Mike, 26
MySpace Mike is a combination of guys who swear they know me in real life, but I never ever remember them. Or it’s the guy who thinks that just because he’s cyber friends with one of my cyber friends that I’m going to holla. If the first thing you ask me is:

“How far do you live from campus?”

“What kind of panties do you wear?”

“What’s your favorite position?”

There won’t be no holla back, boy.

Karl, 25
This is the guy that is my straight up platonic friend. But sometimes, when the moon hits my eye, or I scan the room quickly, he catches my eye. And sometimes he’s kind of hot. But I get squirmish just thinking about the what ifs…as hot as he is, he’s still like a brother…ewww!

Jacob, 24
This is the guy that I would pack my bags and roll with destiny for…if he wasn’t such as asshole. Last night I’m talking to him about the house buying stress and the going back to college stress and the starting the business stress and he says, “Sounds like you’re just being a woman.” What the phuck? He ruins lots of the tender feelings I have with stuff like that, so I don’t jones for him like I once did. Plus he’s moving 3,000 miles away, so I’ve already distanced myself…


Curtis, 28
Me and this guy have been having cheer sex for about a year or two...everytime I saw him he'd give me the eye and vice versa. Well, during the same week my mom gave me that nine-month rule talk...I told him about it. And we talked for hours about having a meaningful relationship and how beautiful it is loving one person. And when he left my house, he kissed my forehead and said he would call me when he got home...that was about a month ago. I haven't heard from him since! I guess just talking about the nine-month rule scared him away!

And the search continues…

Tonight: Black Pearl Poetry is having Ladies night (two dolla holla) with feature Mike McGhee and Krate Digga on the boards…

Song For Today: Aht Uh Mi Hed by Shuggie Otis

BTW: I'm posting this also on my MySpace page...I'm doing a little experiement to see if people like it over there better.


At 7:59 AM, Blogger Slow Metamorphosis said...

damn girl...men can really suck - but I guess I am idealic in believing that everyone has a prince and they will appear when you least expect it. but the point is you are doing the damn thing by yourself so work it out.

At 9:03 AM, Blogger Miz JJ said...

lmao@'I tried to find a nice way to say “the thought of you talking to me after you kissed all over her makes me want to throw up and I hate you” in a nice way, but I figured by ignoring his calls, he’d get the point.'
That is something I would do. Good luck finding a dude. Sounds like you have waaaay more options out that way.

At 10:31 AM, Blogger BBB_0202020 said...

Dang we could pics of Jakes body please next time, lol

At 10:45 AM, Blogger DM said...

@Slow: Men do suck...but I think they are funny too...my, the stories I could tell. This is the tame version...

@Mizz JJ: Options! I entertain way too many boys as I should...hopefully they'll recognize themselves and leave me alone!

@Tigerkiss: Please, the body is not worth the vanilla attitude...

At 10:06 AM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

your collection of dudes sounds about like mine. this was hilarious though: "I had to tell him I couldn’t stick my tit in his mouth every hour of the day and we called it quits…"

At 1:55 PM, Blogger GoddessNoir said...

ahhh, I'm totally going to steal this for a post, if you don't mind of course. It is funny doing the single girl thing.

At 7:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very cool design! Useful information. Go on! » »


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