Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The Ultimate Guide To Boys-Introduction

Disclaimer: I am a writer who doesn’t believe in disclaimers at all and this is only the second one I’ve ever made, so listen up. The hazards of being friends with/having sex with/knowing/being interesting/being stupid around a writer is that you may be mentioned in their writing. So don’t write me/call me/run up on me complaining that I talked about you in the vaguest of terms on my site. My grandmother gets talked about. My parents get talked about. Everyone’s fair game.

Successfully dealing with boys has nothing to do with how many brothers you had or if your daddy was in your life as a child. It all has to do with being honest with yourself and knowing yourself. I know so many women who put such an importance on finding a man, keeping a man and dumping a man…life is so much more than that!

Boys are not that complex. Dating is really easy and fun. Once you are able to realize that, the rest is finding a purse to match your shirt…just go out and have a good time!

My Ultimate Guide to Boys is not just about boys. It’s about helping women find out who they before they start sharing it with other people. Some of these tips come from questions my friends ask me. Some of them come from observations from loser and winner boys. All of them are because I’m sick of seeing women dumbfounded about what to do with inaccessible boys…you ditch them!

**I don’t want to see any comments about how there is a difference between men and boys. Any person with male genitalia has always been a boy to me. That’s just what I call them.**

Over the next weeks, there will be several tips about dating, sex, flirting and overall interacting with boys. But let’s start out with the most controversial topic of all…

Rule 1: Size does matter
Size only matters to men with little dicks. The only thing women care about is whether it feels good. You could be poking me with a fetus-sized penis, but if I can feel it in my spine, I’m good. Men with little dicks are the cause of wars, poverty, unsportsman-like competitiveness, the rise of snarkiness, cheating, the demise of Hip Hop (need I go on?) because they feel inadequate and take it out on the world.

I won’t date a man with a little penis (and I can always tell) because I don’t have time for all the buttering up I have to do in order to make you feel like a big boy. Men with big dicks are arrogant, self-assured and don’t worry about competition from other men. Men with little dicks are always whining about being compared to someone else. The world would be a better place if little dicked men, stop worrying about dick size and just concentrate on pleasing women.

15 Comments:

At 9:13 AM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

hey you can definitely talk about me, lol. But anyways hell yea size does matter and I don't want no fetus sized nothing. Get the hell away with that little shit. And just b/c I'm short every short man always gotta say something. Your penis is small because you're 4'11" there is NO getting around that. I could atleast be taking a chance if a dude is 6 feet or so. And then I don't want no fat sloppy dude either. Their stomach get in the way and all that xtra fat around they nuts is gross as hell. DAYUM!

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger Diggz said...

I am laughing my mother funkin ass off right now!!!

I got new cd's for u 2.

Peep the midmonthmixer at columbusblack.com, you may find some fodder and field research to add to the guide.

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger Diggz said...

I am laughing my mother funkin ass off right now!!!

I got new cd's for u 2.

Peep the midmonthmixer at columbusblack.com, you may find some fodder and field research to add to the guide.

 
At 11:09 AM, Blogger Miz JJ said...

Nothing worse than a man with a little dick. Especially if he isn't working with any other skills.

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger DM said...

I just don't like complainy, not confident guys...I always assume those are the ones with small penises...

 
At 2:38 PM, Blogger The Very Reverend Ace Clemmons, Jr. said...

Hmmm. you've just described our Vice President. I would say President too, but i actually think he's Dickless.

 
At 2:39 PM, Blogger The Very Reverend Ace Clemmons, Jr. said...

oh.. and Brainless.

 
At 4:17 PM, Blogger Dynasty said...

I can't wait to read the rest of the rules....You hit the nail on the head (no pun intended)

 
At 5:53 PM, Anonymous belladawn said...

loooooooooooool!
lmoa!

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger Paula D. said...

Girl, I am laughing so hard over here! Ummmm....yeah....not down with the small penis.....

 
At 10:53 AM, Blogger chris said...

Nice post. i'm looking forward to reading more.

 
At 1:06 AM, Blogger BBB_0202020 said...

Lmao!!!!becuz once you have had a small penis you want to fight or have access to a tazor!

 
At 2:32 PM, Blogger Beauty said...

Hilarious Donna - find 'em, point 'em out and put them on blast. F'em!

Women of the world unite! Tell on those lil pp men!

 
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At 9:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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