Wednesday, May 10, 2006

What's That Smell?

I had to hip my girl to some game last night. She’s dating a guy…with a few questionable recreational activities, and she wanted to know if she was in for a problem. “He smokes weed,” she said. “And I don’t smoke weed, so I don’t know how comfortable I am with that.”

“Well, is he a casual weed smoker or a weed head,” I asked, assuming she knew the distinction. “Umm, what’s the difference?” she questioned me back. Of course there’s a difference. It may not be noticeable, but there’s a difference. The man who’s been working at a job for 30 years could be a casual weed smoker or a weed head…either way it could be a problem for wifey at home. And it’s not that weed head cause significantly huge problems (I’ve done extensive research on the issue). It’s just that they do little, seemingly unnecessary things to enhance their love of marijuana…some folks just can’t handle it.

How To Know You’re Dating a Weed Head (this goes for men and women)

1. This person knows more about marijuana than they do about their family history. Anyone with more than a casual database of knowledge about marijuana is a weed head. If you can tell me about the humidity that it grows best in and the medical advantages of its usage…you are a weed head.

2. This person will tithe to their weed man. Meaning, this person takes their first 10 percent gross of any money they receive to buy weed.

3. This person owns more than one device to smoke week out of. A pipe is fine. Some blunts are cool. A pipe, Cuban cigars and hydrological system that extracts THC directly into your bloodstream all in one residence is a sign of a weed head.

4. This person smokes before going to work or as they wake up every morning/afternoon.

5. This person has traveled to another country that allows marijuana usage. If your new girlfriend just happened to visit Amsterdam, that’s cool. If the only reason she went is to smoke weed freely in public…she’s a weed head.

6. This person has lost a job/got kicked out of someone’s house/been arrested or had any other life altering event occur because of marijuana. It seems nearly impossible for a casual smoker to be arrested for smoking weed…a hint that this person isn’t a casual smoker.

7. This person refuses to stop smoking even though they have a debilitating disease, a new job, an infant or at their family/significant other’s request. “I can stop if I wanted to. It’s not like it’s dangerous,” is a usual quote from a weed head.

8. Regardless of what city, state, township or municipality this person is in…they can always find a weed man. If you and your sweetie are lost is Hanganigga, Arkansas and he can make friends and find a spot for you to hang a smoke weed…he’s a weed head.

9. This person has attempted to or currently does grow marijuana.

10. This person, this person’s possessions and this person’s residence smells like a combination of marijuana, patchouli incense, Febreeze and Cool Breese or some other type of over-bearing cologne/perfume always.

11. This person has recipes to cook/eat marijuana.

12. For a good time, this person tries to convince non-marijuana smoking people to smoke, just to see their reaction.

13. You’ve seen this person with at least a brick of marijuana, and you’re pretty sure they aren’t a drug dealer. If this person works at a bank, a pretty legit office and/or has a degree and has large amounts of marijuana…they are a weed head.

If this person has dreadlocks, they are a weed head. Not to say that every person with locs are weed heads, but if the person in question has locs, they are. However…

Any white person with locs is a weed head. Not to discriminate or anything. I don’t make the rules, I just report them.

I’ve dated weed heads, and they are cool peoples. I know a man who is a college professor and a weed head like no other. I’m not saying don’t date a weed head…I just think people should know what they are getting into before they begin dating seriously. Be on the look out!


At 11:56 AM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

yea I'm in love with a weed head but I can't take that smell 24/7. I have to love him from a distance.

At 12:24 PM, Blogger Miz JJ said...

Lol. I know a lot of weed heads. I think you can enjoy it in moderation. I hate people who go to excess with anything.

At 12:43 PM, Blogger GC (God's Child) said...

I would rather date a weed head than a cigarette smoker. Weed smells better.

At 5:28 PM, Blogger BBB_0202020 said...


At 11:08 PM, Blogger Ms. Pretty Green Eyes said...

I love it. I love it. #12 is hu-lar-e-ous.

At 10:21 AM, Blogger chris said...

Can't date a weed head. I want to know that I'm talking to him and not the weed.

At 12:12 AM, Blogger GoddessNoir said...

Ha, some guy I just met told me he couldn't date me because I didn't smoke weed, I swear, cross my heart, that just happened the other day so this id def. funy.

At 2:32 PM, Blogger The Very Reverend Ace Clemmons, Jr. said...

"Ha, some guy I just met told me he couldn't date me because I didn't smoke weed, I swear, cross my heart, that just happened the other day so this id def. funy."

Thats because weed heads also have a certain amount of guilt about how unproductive (typically) they are when on weed. That becomes more pronounced when *you* dont want to sit on the couch for four hours, eat doritos and watch vintage Ren & Stimpy.

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