Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Debilitating

Kimora Lee Simmons says that when you are in a rut, you shouldn’t talk to people. You should give the impression that you are always in a great mood, so you should only be in public when you are in a great mood. I try to subscribe to that. And it’s not that I’m in a bad mood…I’m just in a blah mood. It’s kind of muggy, hazy, cloudy outside. And I just love to write.

I read my horoscope today. It said:

When it comes to love and romance, your body is apt to turn to jelly today, and you may find yourself becoming so emotional that you can't even function, Donna. This is called love, and even though it can be heavenly, it can also be quite debilitating.

That’s a Cancer for you. Here's an equation for today: Take 1 of Donna's mind divided by 20 different things. And you'll have an estimate of my fuzzy concentration.

So how does one combat the jelly-like state love puts us in? I’ve tried silence. Not talking to a person. But that just gets me closer that impenetratable shell that old lovers had such a hard time getting through. I don’t want to do that. Nix the silence.

Talking about it causes too much drudging up of other emotions that have nothing to do with the original situation. Because everything will always come back to the idea that I never expect anyone to be extraordinary for me. I never expect to be surprised. I always expect that all of this will be too much. Nix talking about, I’d rather let it just be.

And then Isaac Hayes just happens to be in my CD player…and I find my mind wandering within the lyrics “Oh, you hurt me/you gave it to me/you put it on me momma/when you said….goodbye.” And all of the sudden, I feel his pain. I’m sad too.

One thing I’ve always noticed about myself is the way I sponge up other people’s emotions. My mood can change with the flick of a TV remote, or a missed phone call. If someone else is upset or stressed, it will most likely affect me. Absorbing them makes me understand this human condition more. It also gets me closer to being open myself. One day my written word will match up with my oral words, and I will feel open and relaxed.

I have a pen and I have paper, and because I write better than I talk I can make emotions out of words and craft sentences to make me feel better. I can write myself out of a debilitating funk. I can also write myself into one. Somebody asked me the other day why I blog so much. I didn’t have an answer then, but I do now. Because I love to write. And all of these pent-up, ravaging emotions have no other place to go. Either they turn me into jelly, or they end up on MySpace.

Today, I can decide to get lost in the cloudy, hazy, smoggy mess outside my window. I can go outside and breathe in the COTA bus fumes, I can walk up and down Broad Street until I’m sweaty and I can watch my already frizzy hair balloon with humidity. Or I can choose to follow the thin sunrays that shine between the city mess. And I can try to find something pretty out of this stagnant situation I’m in. Those are the only two options.

Song For Today: Ain’t No Way by Aretha Franklin

4 Comments:

At 11:09 AM, Blogger GC (God's Child) said...

the first sentence I liked. I thought--hey, sometimes you need to time to revive your creativity and don't need a whole lot of other ppls thoughts. But then Simmons disintegrated into vainglorious posturing. I think it's great to put your best foot forward but sometimes you need a little help from your friends. I think it's okay to be vulnerable in the presence of ppl you can trust.

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger Miz JJ said...

Everybody has those days. And you should write a lot. You have a lot to say and we like reading it!

 
At 12:31 PM, Blogger princessdominique said...

Donna you're not alone I just came out of a funk. It gets better and better.

 
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