Friday, June 02, 2006

Everything’s Breaking

I’m making a list of all of the things and people that need my attention right now.

The air conditioner in my apartment isn’t working. The drain in the bathroom is slow. The window in my car won’t roll down. My clothes don’t fit, I need new ones bad. One best friend needs help with a portfolio. Another, I haven’t talked to in weeks. My grandmother’s sick. My uncle’s sick. I don’t want to get sick, so I have to make it to the gym. I have to call my sister back. I have to finish this report at work. I have to check up with my clients. I haven’t been listening to any of the CDs I’m supposed to review. I haven’t heard from any publicist about pending interviews. I haven’t done the dishes. My hair needs a trim. I’m still waiting on a closing date for my house. I can’t pack until I get a closing date. I can’t schedule time off until I get a closing date. Should I get new carpet when I move in? Should I paint? Should I take this new job offer? Can I make it to Wali’s party Saturday at the Brownstone? Should I stay in and do my hair?

Relaxation is in the distance. I know that this is mounting because of all of the major moves that are pending in my life. I know that if I weren’t so competent, I wouldn’t be need to do so many things. So much is competing for my time, money and talents. I just have to stay focused and hope that the people who love me understand my scatterbrainyness. I hope the people who I carve out time for truly appreciate what their time means to me.

You thought I forgot about the Ultimate Guide To Boys? Don’t worry, there are plenty of rules left. Make sure you utilize one of these things on your weekend excursions.

Rule 15: Flirting
Every woman should know how to flirt. Flirting is knowing how to make a man feel like a man. It’s kind of like kissing up to your dad, but in a totally different context.

Flirting is not:

Showing a boy your thong

Tying a cherry stem with your tongue

Making you knees touch your elbows on the dance floor

Or touching any intimate part of a boy in a non-intimate environment

You should be able to flirt with someone without saying a word. You should also be able to flirt with someone without being overtly sexual. It’s all about expressing yourself, being observant and complimenting his qualities. For example:

A hot boy offers to buy you a drink…you should smile brightly and say something like “you are so generous!” You should remind him throughout the night how smitten you were by his generosity.

Or if a hot boy knows an awful lot about politics, even if you’re not into politics, you should compliment him…”you are so astute to current events! That’s impressive! Somebody has to know what’s going on with our hard earned tax dollars!”

If you want a boy to like you for more than your body, then you have to set the bar. If you want to be complimented, you must compliment boys too! If you meet a boy who doesn’t have anything to say besides bedroom chatter, ditch him. I’ve interviewed and met some of the hottest men and countless other boys that one could consider attractive based solely on their looks. And I’ve flirted with them all without considering their looks.

If you meet a boy, and you think he is hot, tell him. And leave it at that. Don’t let an initial conversation escalate into something sexual

Rule 16: Trade Up
Like I said before, dating is a lot like house hunting…you keep doing it until you tailor your choices to the one you ultimately want to commit to. So when you cease dating a boy for whatever reason, don’t ever revert back to a type of boy you wouldn’t consider normally, just because you are sad or bored.

Always seek better and better boys. You should only date a boy who would make your high school nemesis or ex boyfriend jealous if they saw how good the chemistry was. The last boy you dated should cringe because he knows you are currently dating a better boy than him. The boy you are dating now should know that he is the best of the best. Your time is limited. If you are dating an okay boy, and a better one comes along…ditch him for the better boy. Duh!

If two boys call you to take you out, always go with the better boy. Who has time for mediocre…you always deserve the best. Don’t draft Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan.

If an old suitor wants you back, only accept him if he has demonstrated meaningful change in his character. Not because he’s sad, he misses you or he bought you a puppy. Only if he recognizes that he can be a better person with your assistance. Anything else and you’re just settling.

Rule 17: Dumping Boys
You should probably dump most of the boys you date. Not because you are a ruthless, heartless bitch. But because, you won’t be compatible with many of the people you are attracted to. Why waste your time?

Dumping should consist of a simple statement: I don’t think we’re compatible.

Next week: I’m going to open up the Pink Ghetto mailbag and answer all those questions you have aching inside of you that only I can answer. So, if you’d like to test my haughty knowledge, make sure you drop me a comment or shoot me an email. I’ll be glad to answer anything.

Song For Today: Come and Get Me by Jay-Z


At 11:18 AM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

ooh let me forward #15 to the dumb cow who felt it necessary this AM in staff meeting to blow a kiss across the room at another co-worker then proceed to ask him is her booty big enough for him?

At 7:07 PM, Blogger ptosh said...

thanks for you time, I do appreciate it!!


At 7:50 AM, Blogger Paula D. said...

Good post! Girl, a lot of women need to be reading this! If I see one more thong hanging out of some jeans I will scream! That ish is not sexy!!!!

At 9:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i think you points are right on - proper flirting (to attract a worthy mate) is not about how 'sexy', 'hot' or 'cute' you are - that only gets guys looking for a one thing. i'll remember these tips for future reference.

At 2:55 PM, Blogger Slow Metamorphosis said...

aww relax - relate - release girl.

At 9:57 PM, Blogger BBB_0202020 said...

i havent flirted in a while...havent felt like it in a while...i gotta get my mojo back


Post a Comment

<< Home