Thursday, July 06, 2006

It's Cold To Be July

I don't love you. But I miss you.

There are no more knots in my hair. It took me an hour to get them out. Next time I wear my hair, what I like to call "ultra curly" I have to remember to wash the gel out before I go to bed.

I want to go out and have a drink. I tried going out yesterday, but I was so uncomfortable being around other people. I felt like I had "my grandmother just died" written all over my face. I went home after about a half hour. Actually I did what I always do when Im stressed out. I drove through Upper Arlington. But instead of turning off the music and listening to the nighttime, I listened to Room for Squares. I cried when 3x5 came on, like I always do. I always cry on that song. Everytime for different reasons.

The most I could love you, would never be love.

Ive been eating like crazy. Ive been working out like crazy. Ive been crying like crazy. Ive been sleeping like an infant. Ive been laughing little. This isnt like me at all.

I almost cried in Kinko's. It took them 20 minutes to print three, one-page documents off my CD.

I bought a Roots shirt online, even though it wasn't in my budget.

My goals for today: to answer the phone everytime I could. Don't ignore any calls. I can't let seclusion be too comfortable. To not be offended. To not be suspicious. To be light.

I was sexy to the people who wanted sexy. I was unaffected to the people who expect unaffected. I was happy so other people wouldn't worry. I was Donna only to me.

Today was such a pretty day. I didn't spend much time outside. I might go out tonight, but its cold to be July. I could just watch Family Guy. Or The Chappelle Show. And go to sleep.

I detect insincerity in some people close to me. I dont want to buy a house right now. Life is being played out around me. I'm deciding to be hands off.

Goals for tomorrow: to go to step class, to be on time, to be pretty and seem happy, to not sleep so much or worry about things I have no control over. To worry about the things I do have control over. To decide something.

Song For Today: Today by Zero 7

5 Comments:

At 2:14 PM, Blogger Anita said...

Ohhh, girl I feel you. One of those blue funk periods. Just came thru a short one myself. The thing is, it's just fine to be there. Most people won't tell you that. And our society definitely does not (usually) support that. Go 'head and do you anyway.

We can't all be "up" all the time. And please, for your sake, don't worry about being what other people need you to be. Just be Donna. And phuck anybody who ain't with the program.

Be blue 'til you ain't blue no more. Only you will know when that time comes. Now this doesn't mean wallow in it or get stuck, just ride whatever wave you are on now. And when that bad boy starts to swell again and you begin to rise, ride that motherphucker 'til you can kiss the sky.

Sending good vibrations your way...

Anita

 
At 2:15 PM, Blogger Anita said...

Ohhh, girl I feel you. One of those blue funk periods. Just came thru a short one myself. The thing is, it's just fine to be there. Most people won't tell you that. And our society definitely does not (usually) support that. Go 'head and do you anyway.

We can't all be "up" all the time. And please, for your sake, don't worry about being what other people need you to be. Just be Donna. And phuck anybody who ain't with the program.

Be blue 'til you ain't blue no more. Only you will know when that time comes. Now this doesn't mean wallow in it or get stuck, just ride whatever wave you are on now. And when that bad boy starts to swell again and you begin to rise, ride that motherphucker 'til you can kiss the sky.

Sending good vibrations your way...

Anita

 
At 9:16 PM, Blogger BBB_0202020 said...

i hope you feel better soon!

 
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