The Pink Ghetto

Earth, Wind and Fiya!

2006-08-03T11:02:00.000-05:00

Before you die, you should see Earth, Wind & Fire perform. And I'll leave the rest of the review for AllHipHop.com...

The show was amazing, and I think I realized that White people just may like EW&F more than Black people. You know how how when somebody's "song" comes on, they do they throw their hands up and do like a backwards circle jig? Well, there were far more Whites doing that then Blacks.

FYI--August 2nd is now officially Earth, Wind & Fire Day in Columbus. Just one more perk from having a Black mayor. What will you do next year to commemorate this special occasion?

While you chew on that, here are some pictures of the night! Enjoy!!

Before EW&F came out, I was looking all cute in my seat.

Thanks to Rhyan's job, we got some good VIP seats. Real plush on my booty.

ME and Rhyan cold chillin in the VIP section

Rhyan before she started getting all wild and crazy at the show

2006-08-02T22:58:00.000-05:00

Can you make those guys out? That's Verdine White, Ralph Johnson and THE Philip Bailey

Verdine White is currently my hair idol! Do you think that's his real hair? That was the question of the night...

"Don't be scared of the juices and berries!" That's what that look means...

This guy is one of the "new" members of the group. He was kinda cute, some of the time...

2006-08-02T22:55:00.000-05:00

More pics of Verdine White! When a 50+ man can rock leopard pants, more ruffles than Price and hair down to his calf, that is surely camera worthy!

The whole line up oce again. We tried to get a solo shot of Philip Bailey, but the bouncers almost tackled us!

(Fill in the blank) Must Die!!!

2006-07-31T09:45:00.000-05:00

Shout outs to The Usual Suspects crew…I know you guys hate me for not coming out. But I had to take care of some unfinished business (shout outs to my unfinished business). I heard people were spilling out of Bodega’s, the deejays were on fire, people were beefin’, and celebrities were in the house. I wasn’t there, so you guys are going to have to fill in the blanks.

How awesome is the concept behind the movie John Tucker Must Die? I mean, I won’t be going to the movie theater to see it, but I will be anxiously awaiting its TNT or TBS television debut. It’s nice to know I’m not the only girl who has been two-timed (or in some cases 5,6 or 7 timed) by a boy. I used to date this guy that had at least five revolving girls that I knew of. Let alone the ones I didn’t know. If we could have got on some common accord, and “taught this guy a lesson” what would he have learned, really? Boys that like to date multiple girls can never be cured of that, I think. Because it’s not the boy with the issue, it’s the kind of girls the boy is attracted to. Of course, women can say…well if we change, the men with change. But face it, there will always be girls who will be with a man regardless of his “prior engagements,” there will always be girls who don’t care about other loves in his life. I used to live by the creed, “I don’t care about the other girls, just be good to me.” I date multiple boys, and I can’t say any of them ever get mad at me for being with the other. I also don’t lie about it either, which might be John Tucker’s problem…

So if you could fill in the blank up there, who do you know should “die” and what would you do to “kill him?”

There are tons of things going on this week. I don’t ask much from you guys, but please go out and support some of the local talent in Columbus.

Tuesday

Black Pearl Poetry will be celebrating its ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! Yeah! Shout outs to Ed Mabrey for a successful year! My favorite deejay, Krate Digga will be spinning (a House and Reggae set, so I hear). A SHE Slam with all women poets still has some slots open. Ladies, there is $200, diamonds and other prizes on the line…so I say get your words together and spit SOMETHING. Slam poet Patricia Smith will be in the building as well. As well, The Pink Ghetto. Tickets are well worth the $7 admission. You’ll have to be very important to get into VIP at this point…The place will be stacked around 8pm, remember this is the Brownstone people so get there early…

Wednesday

Writer’s Block Poetry will be having a send off for their Slam team as well. (Two teams in Columbus means the city is getting bigger and deffer). I love the Columbus Music Hall on Parsons too. Tickets are $5. There are fresh baked cookies and the bartender is hot!

I scored some hot seats and a hot date for the Earth, Wind & Fire concert! If you check the Ticketmaster site today...they are havins a special on seats, yo! $18 lawn seats are whatsup...What’s your favorite EW&F song?

Birthday Weekend Recap

2006-07-24T10:01:00.000-05:00

After the nonstop partying from this weekend, I swear I need some chicken noodle soup and a soda on the side (let it rain, and cool it out). Business first, pictures are coming! Actually I have one set that I will upload this evening, and a second set that I’m sure are coming swiftly.

Of the things that I can remember, here are some high lights from my weekend. For those of you who were there and swore I acted crazy, you can fill in the blanks.

Thursday
I swatted a plot to ruin my birthday by attending the Common/The Roots concert. Common was one song away from me flashing him Mardi Gras style. I’ve always known that Common was a good-looking man. But how sexy he is…man, I was sleeping on that! Expect comments about me stealing his sperm and having his babies for the remainder of the year. Look out for the full review on AllHipHop.com!

Friday
If you were at Cove Lounge Friday night, you saw the VIP section rockin’ like never before. Krate Digga brought in my 25th birthday like no other deejay could have! Big, big shout outs to him! There were tons of people there, and please blame the liquor if I didn’t remember you, or called you a name that wasn’t your name, or licked your face and called you sexy, or knocked your drink over or any of the things drunk (yet hot) girls do when they turn 25.

For all the people who promised to buy me a drink and couldn’t because I maxed out at three shots and two mixed drinks, you’ll just have to owe me one next year (or next time you see me out). After waking up Saturday morning and making myself not get out the bed because I was scared I would throw up, I’ve come to a couple conclusions.

1. I can’t forsee an occasion in the near future, however downing consecutive Patron shots is not the most gut-friendly thing in the world.

2. Inviting all the hottest boys I know to the same event wasn’t as panic inducing as my friends thought it would be. I did manage to come with and leave with the same person.

3. Always follow heavy drinking with heavy eating. How I forgot to do this, I don’t know.

Saturday
Did the family thing at Buca di Beppo. I successfully swatted an uncomfortable conversation with my Dad who told me to let him know when thee was something “Daddy friendly” on my blog for him to read. As he waited for a response, I stuffed my mouth with fried mozzarella.

After much debating and Christmas socks, breezed through the Brownstone which looked like the secret meeting of sugar daddies and PYTs. Even though I ate 10 kinds of pastas at Buca, settled at Steak N’ Shake for an awesome, late-night brownie sundae.

Sunday
The feeding frenzy continues! I went to the Ribfest with my mom, my sister, Jessica and Afrika and ate beef brisket, a huge ass smoothie and half of a funnel cake. I also tried not to flirt with hot boys in front of my mom, since she met my number one and liked him lots. According to PTosh, I’m just a big flirt…it’s harmless.

I met a couple people who knew me solely based on my blog, which made me feel part good/part creeped the eff out about what they really thought about me from meeting me in person.

Thanks to everybody who gave me birthday shout outs and everybody who came out to the birthday events. Once again, look out for pictures coming this evening!

FAQ: The Birthday Edition

2006-07-20T09:58:00.000-05:00

Q. Are you feeling any older?
A. Heck yeah! I feel like I’ve grown about six feet since last year. I have never been so emotionally, financially and spiritually taxed in my life. But I’ve gotten to know myself in a way that I never thought I would. When Beyonce talks about being her own best friend in Me, Myself and I, I now understand what she means. I’ve found out that I am witty, charming, intelligent, wordly and very, very, girly. And I just love it…I don’t know about you.

Q. When are you going to settle down?
A. I am settled down, compared to how I was acting this time last year. No more getting drunk in public. No more casual sex. I worry first about my image, second about my budget, third about my waistline anytime I go anywhere.

Q. How did you make it to 25 without having any kids?
A. The pull out method

Q. What’s the best birthday present you’ve ever received?
A. Well, last year on my birthday, I bought myself my first John Mayer CD. And one year later, I’ve probably got more John Mayer CDs than John Mayer. Not only do I have every studio produced and live CD (real versions, not copies), some of them, I have two copies of! Yes, I am John Mayer’s Stan and damn proud of it!

Q. What are you looking forward to in the next year?
A. Finishing my book of short stories, losing 30 more pounds, growing hair like Diana Ross, going to see the Cleveland Cavs play this Fall (if I’m still invited), going on vacation with my parents and sister, my new house, seeing my Godbaby turn four. Not having a tight ass (being uptight) at the advice of a good friend of mine who knows how spazzy I can be (I listen, I swear). Seeing all of my talented friends’ hard work turn into some big money and doing some PR work for them!

Q. What have you learned since your last birthday?
A. My angles when taking pictures, that I can ask anybody anything I want, I can’t eat the following foods: cabbage, yellow peppers, anything with pork, calamari or milk. I love sushi. I’m racist (mostly against other black people), I’m sexist (against WNBA players), I can date a white boy, I can date several boys at once and be in total control of the whole situation. I just can’t help being a girl. My favorite deejay is Krate Digga, my favorite wine is Moscato, my favorite vegetable is asparagus. I look best in pink. Kanye West just might be gay. Method Man definitely isn’t. Bailar by J Rawls just might be one of my favorite songs.

Q. Where’s the party at?
A. If you don’t know by now! Tonight after the SOLD OUT Roots/Common show, I’ll be at the Carlile Club awaiting my birthday poem from Wali.

Tomorrow I’ll be at Cove. You don’t want to know what I had to do to Michael Kors to get my fabulous dress. And thanks to working out four times a week, I’ll be able to free-tit it in my dress for the first time EVER. If that’s not incentive enough to come to my party, I don’t know what is!

Song For Today: Golden by Jill Scott (my new personal anthem)

Other July 20 babies:
Rockabilly singer Sleepy LaBeef is 71.
Actress Diana Rigg (The Avengers ) is 68.
Bassist John Lodge of the Moody Blues is 63.
Country singer T.G. Sheppard is 62.
Singer Kim Carnes is 60.
Guitarist Carlos Santana is 59.
Drummer Paul Cook of the Sex Pistols is 50.
Actress Donna Dixon (Bosom Buddies ) is 49.
Country singer Radney Foster is 47.
Singer Chris Cornell of Audioslave (and Soundgarden) is 42.
Guitarist Stone Gossard of Pearl Jam is 40.
Actor Reed Diamond (Homicide: Life on the Street ) is 39.
Actor Josh Holloway (Lost ) is 37.
Singer Vitamin C is 37.
Actor Simon Rex is 32.
Actor Charlie Korsmo (Can't Hardly Wait,Hook ) is 28.
Actor John Francis Daley (Freaks and Geeks ) is 21.
Actress Billi Bruno (According to Jim ) is 10.

Wants & Needs: The Birthday Edition

2006-07-14T12:10:00.000-05:00

Less than a week until my big birthday bash. No doubt I’ve been on top of the necessary preparations to make sure everybody has a ball, including me. Shout outs to Niel and Jurist Public Relations for the lush little shindig I attended yesterday. Everybody was all pretty and grown up. It was a black person’s heaven.

So below is a list of all the things I want for my own birthday. Some are rational, some are ridiculous. All are within somebody’s price range.

1. MAC Lipgloss It’s been a year since I’ve bought a tube of MAC Lipgloss. Sure, Loreal is a fine brand, but nothing is as sexy and buttery as a MAC glossed lip.

2. A Mortgage Payment Sure, that’s a big gift to ask for. This isn’t a required list so…if you can’t give me at least $800, then I won’t hold that against you. This is about what I want, not what is feasible.

3. CoCo Chanel Mademoiselle and DKNY Be Delicious I think by the time a woman is 25, she should have a signature smell. When I enter someone’s presence, they should be able to smell my distinguishable, pleasant scent. Now, that used to be CoCoMango body oil…but I need to step it up a little.

4. Aveda Be Curly Because this is the only way I will be able to wear my hair curly without making it drier than hot snatch.

5. Warm Spirit Vetiver and Bella Body Butter A Maintenance Day must! Nothing smells and feels better on a woman than this stuff. It makes me even more touchable.

6. A Body Like Beyonce Now, this is what you can do to help me get a body like Beyonce. DON’T go out to dinner with me when I call. DON’T ask me to go to breakfast or brunch. SUGGEST we make a salad or go get salads. DON’T invite me over if your dinner includes red meat, pork dairy, processed flour and sugar. DON’T buy me any drinks besides wine. ENCOURAGE me to go to the gym, even though I just got off work and I’m tired and hungry.

7. A Family Vacation Back in the day, my family used to go somewhere every summer. Well, I’ve been using my PR skills to “encourage” my parents to take me and my sister on a trip, sometime in August. We’ve narrowed it down to either Savannah or a cruise in the winter. I know I’ll be 25 and all…but I want to go on a vacation like I’m 10 again.

8. Subscription to Playboy No I’m not gay. Since that’s cleared up…so I read through the current issue with the taut, yet old Stacey Dash showing her goodies. And I forgot how intelligent and highbrow Playboy is. Besides the naked women, Playboy probably has the best articles and writers in magazine writing. Alex Haley used to write for Playboy, did you know that?

9. iPod Nano Okay, so I have a functional MP3 player. It serves its purpose, keeping me motivated while I work out. But dammit, I want an iPod Nano. Just because I do, okay!

10. One Song From Everybody What a perfect compliment to an iPod. So, you may not know me. You may read my blog and live in Bubble Fuck, Egypt. Or the Hilltop in Columbus. But you love me and want to get me something for my birthday. Well, this will be your cyber-equivalent to pinning a dollar on my shirt. Send me a dollar and a song suggestion and I’ll buy it on iTunes (and I’ll shout you out in a fabulous way)

Simply go to Pay Pal’s website. Hopefully you have a PayPal account, if not, then sign up for one. Click on the Send Money tab at the top of the screen. Type in my email address donnamarbury@hotmail.com, $1.00 (or more if you are feeling generous) and the song I should buy in the description. How easy is that!

So Far, So Good

2006-07-13T08:51:00.000-05:00

7 a.m. Wake up dazed after having a vivid, yet non-sexual dream about a boy I used to date. Laid in the bed for about five minutes and continued to be rebuffed by the fact that Matt Lauer is STILL on vacation from the Today Show.

8 a.m. Decided to eat breakfast at home even though I have to be at work at 8:30. But did it anyway. Started to think about the signs that you may be entering a real relationship.

Sign 1: The freak train passes you by. The myth of the freak train is true. When you settle down, the freakiest, helicopter ride will proposition you (why I just referred to a boy as a helicopter ride, I don’t know). The mistake I made with my last relationship is that once we got serious, nobody cared. Niggas knew it was flimsy, and I’d be back on the market soon.

Sign 2: You avoid your weaknesses. I like the little extra attention I get when I’m almost taken. But sometimes the mind is strong, but the body is weak. So I’m actually trying to distance myself from certain stops on the freak train, so I don’t end up on the West side when I want to be out East (did I take my metaphor too far?). So now I’ll talk to a boy online, instead of on the phone. There are some guys that I just can’t hear their voice without making some sort of action to see them.

Sign 3: I know I have to think about all of these things to expunge the dream about my ex I had last night. So actively dealing with debt (as The Champ likes to call it) without letting guilt and horniness ruin my life is a top priority. If not for the relationship, but for myself.

Sign 4: Hope that my confession lets the Number One boy know that I haven’t bestowed on him some ridiculous savior quality. He is not the cure. But because of his personality, I am trying to be a better person.

8:30 a.m. Still sitting on the freeway. People are driving like Hurricane Andrew hit Columbus last night and we are crawling through the wreckage. Thought fondly about the premiere of Project Runway last night, and a polite way to ask Michael Kors if I could kidnap his sperm. Even though I’m fly, he’s gay and I doubt he would have to sex to impregnate me. Especially for this

Also thought about ways to add the following phrases into my vocabulary without sounding gay:

Make It Work

You’re In

You’re Out

Meka Leka Hi, Meka Hiney Ho

9 a.m. Began to regret the pasta primevera and tuna melt I ate from Shane’s yesterday. Especially after seeing Beyonce looking svelte and fabulous in her new video.

Thought about when I was at the gym yesterday, and how the older I get, the more I am turned off by game. A boy came up to me and said “You look good when you sweat. I’ve been watching you for a while, we should talk outside of the gym.” At this point, even though I heard him clearly, I pointed at my MP3 player and shrugged as if it were impossible for me to remove it from my ear and “hear” what he had to say. I just can’t help being a bitch.

9:30 a.m. Began to feel really confident about the outfit I’m wearing to Niel’s birthday soiree this evening. Began to feel really guilty about all the people I need to call back including:

My friend from high school

My friend from college

My best friend in Toledo

My best friends in Columbus

My sister

A boy that I “like” (I kinda like him a little more than I like the average person. Not more than I like all of my other acquaintances. A lot less than I like him to differentiate him between a boy that I LIKE and just a person I am fond of) (That wasn’t much clarity, I know)

But then I said phuck it, it’s only 9:30 and if people would just come to my birthday party, they could get all access Donna. If you didn’t receive the Evite, let me know and I'll add you! Unless you are one of my four nemesis (who I know read my blog) in that case go phuck yourself next weekend, all weekend.

10 a.m. Gained a small amount of pleasure from a voicemail and email I received from this prick I used to date who sasses me pretty badly for not returning his calls last week. The pleasure is gained from the guilt he will feel once I tell him that MY GRANDMOTHER DIED and despite his efforts for mourning booty, I just didn’t have time to talk to him. One small step for being a bitch, one giant step toward getting this guy to leave me the hell alone forever.

Song For Today: If It Isn’t Love, by New Edition

12 Play

2006-07-10T14:01:00.000-05:00

1. I ate like a horse-cow-pig hybrid last week. Luckily, I didn’t gain any weight. Thank you, good ol’stress. At one meal, I ate macaroni and cheese, pasta salad and spaghetti. You would think I was getting ready to run a marathon.

2. I will never see Dwele perform again. Okay, never is a strong term but…I am so not excited about Dwele anymore. If you caught last week’s Art, you can expound with me, but I just felt like he gave an uninspired performance. And he didn't sing anything off of Subject! What the deuce? That should have been the Eric “Never Let’s Me Down” Roberson and Rashad show.

3. I’ve learned not to listen to house music when you are 20 minutes away from being late to a job interview and you have to stop by Kinko’s to print out your resume. House music in the wrong environment is panic inducing and stressful.

4. I’m considering carrying a surrogate baby for Beyonce and Jay-Z. Especially after seeing Fade To Black for the first time.

5. Khia doesn’t have anything going for her, but boy did she hire an awesome PR team. Ms. My Neck and Back is in every major hip hop publication (and Janet’s new CD) giving soundbites like a mugg.

6. Boys that can cook are the new hotness. I’m dating a boy who may, quite possibly cook better than me. My excuses before have been healthy eating and lack of proper cooking tools. But damn if this boy didn’t fry me some shrimp that made me lose my religion. A nigga can cook…some of ya’ll know that.

7. Speaking of the boy, it has been very interesting to see what interests I have picked up from him already. Some of them include: John Coltrane, Busta Rhymes, Alchemist, Cherry Limeade (a drink, not a rapper) and the color blue.

8. You have to believe that I’m trying really hard for my birthday to not become a fiasco. Really I am.

9. Who goes to the Spice/Sugar Bar? I used to frequent those places, but I haven’t recently. What’s your impression of the atmosphere?

10. Where’s a place in Columbus, besides Bucca di Peppo, where a large group of people can tastefully eat?

11. My grandmother had the greatest soundtrack at her funeral. Gladys Knight, Al Green, Frank Sinatra, The Spinners. Of course, some gospel…but now I see where my great taste in music comes from.

12. In the course of an hour, my 16-year old cousin called me: lame, dumb, stupid and laughed at me not with me while trying to teach me how to snap dance. Am I getting old?

It's Cold To Be July

2006-07-06T21:59:00.000-05:00

I don't love you. But I miss you.

There are no more knots in my hair. It took me an hour to get them out. Next time I wear my hair, what I like to call "ultra curly" I have to remember to wash the gel out before I go to bed.

I want to go out and have a drink. I tried going out yesterday, but I was so uncomfortable being around other people. I felt like I had "my grandmother just died" written all over my face. I went home after about a half hour. Actually I did what I always do when Im stressed out. I drove through Upper Arlington. But instead of turning off the music and listening to the nighttime, I listened to Room for Squares. I cried when 3x5 came on, like I always do. I always cry on that song. Everytime for different reasons.

The most I could love you, would never be love.

Ive been eating like crazy. Ive been working out like crazy. Ive been crying like crazy. Ive been sleeping like an infant. Ive been laughing little. This isnt like me at all.

I almost cried in Kinko's. It took them 20 minutes to print three, one-page documents off my CD.

I bought a Roots shirt online, even though it wasn't in my budget.

My goals for today: to answer the phone everytime I could. Don't ignore any calls. I can't let seclusion be too comfortable. To not be offended. To not be suspicious. To be light.

I was sexy to the people who wanted sexy. I was unaffected to the people who expect unaffected. I was happy so other people wouldn't worry. I was Donna only to me.

Today was such a pretty day. I didn't spend much time outside. I might go out tonight, but its cold to be July. I could just watch Family Guy. Or The Chappelle Show. And go to sleep.

I detect insincerity in some people close to me. I dont want to buy a house right now. Life is being played out around me. I'm deciding to be hands off.

Goals for tomorrow: to go to step class, to be on time, to be pretty and seem happy, to not sleep so much or worry about things I have no control over. To worry about the things I do have control over. To decide something.

Song For Today: Today by Zero 7

Finals Week

2006-07-05T11:54:00.000-05:00

You ever show up to class, and your professor surprise you with a pop quiz. Did you remember to bring extra number two pencils? Do you always have your notes handy? Do you always remember to practice with homework?

Well this week, not even knowing I was in class, I was challenged in several areas of my life. There were no notes. There were no friends to cheat off of. Just me and trying to figure out what my reaction would be to some of lifes most stressful situations.

My grandmother died Sunday. And though this was no surprise to the family, it was a shock to my emotions. I went through a range of emotions, out of the order that Im supposed to experience. Acceptance was first, then fear, then all of the bad things I ever thought about my grandmother swirled around my head like an unflushed toilet. Guilt for not knowing her better. Guilt for not being entirely upfront. Guilt from keeping the real, adult version me a secret from her. Then the idea of death, of completion. One day, I told myself, I will be done with life. What Im doing nowthis is it. That person I walked past on the street, I may have left the only impression I had a chance to make.

Who knows what time table we have. Who knows when Ill be making these arrangements for my own parents, maybe ever my sister, or my spouse. Or my kids. Fuck the way I reacted, how am I supposed to react? What are the answers on this exam that I stepped into? Are the mistakes I made really mistakes, or are they the way things were supposed to happen?

Life is no Choose Your Own Adventure book. We cannot preview corridors or decisions by flipping days like pages. Lifes pencils have no erasures. The only thing we can do is color in the dots with our choices and hope we dont end up with Fs at the end. So far his week, either Ive passed this test with flying colors, or Ive failed miserably. Either way, I sit a little taller, feel a little older and am proud that I used wisdom instead of textbook knowledge to make decisions.

Song For Today: Save Us by Raphael Saadiq

Boom Weekend!

2006-06-30T10:05:00.000-05:00

So I’m trying not to do anything stupid like eat a whole bunch of croutons in my salad or run across a loaf of French bread so I can be as svelte as possible for the weekend. I’ve lost three pounds this week, and I’m no-carbing it today. Why should you care? Because you best believe I will be stepping out and looking hot all weekend. I hope to lose at least five more pounds by Wednesday with all the running around I will be doing. Unless you are grilling up some asparagus and tilapia, don’t invite me to your cookout. I seen Beyonce on BET Tuesday and I’m focused, man!

Tonight
Dwele! Eric Roberson! Rashad! Middle Child! SugaRay! Yo’ momma! The Southern Theater hasn’t seen this many black people since…okay I won’t make a racial joke here. Just know it is going down in a major, huge way! If you haven’t heard or don’t know about the show, you suck. Hit up Wali for those limited, super cheap tickets at 614-774-2710. Hit up the Cove for the afterparty.

Saturday
I’m Gallery Hopping, who wants to go with me?

DJ O (I know the secret behind your nickname, still) Sharp will be doing damage at the Cove.

Sunday
You think I spend too much time, bigging up the Cove? Well, if any other place in Columbus has doing it like them, I’d be there. How about those apples. Two words: Kid Capri . Four more words: At Cove Sunday Night. What more can I say?

Monday
The new night at the Carlise Club will be jumping, trust me. Krate Digga, DJ Blek, all the people you know and love. And of couse, svelte Donna will be there…in the event that I successfully avoided my aunt’s famous potato salad.

Yeah, Red, White & Boom, of course. I think something’s going on at the Red Zone…but I don’t currently have that flyer in front of me. So one of you good people in the Ghetto can update us.

Tuesday
Black Pearl Poetry will be in effect

25-cent wings and Reggae Karaoke at Sunset Negril

I’m lucky enough to have Wednesday off too, but that’s nearly a week away. I don’t know I’ll be doing then! So check into The Pink Ghetto all weekend for updates on events, and pictures of the parties! OK, I successfully have carpal tunnel from all this typing, so you should come out sometime this weekend because A) you are a city tripper like me B) you need to buy me a drink to restrengthen my wrist and C) what else do you have to do! Holla, holla, holla!

I Think I Wanna Have Your Baby

2006-06-29T15:29:00.000-05:00

I'd have Michael Kors' baby and he could pay me in clothes, shoes and accessories for child support.

I'd still have Michael Ealy's baby and he could pay me in child support by acting like Tea Cake from Their Eyes Were Watching God every weekend he picked the baby up for visitation.

I'd have a baby with Tyrese to prevent him from releasing his potentially-God awful rap CD under the name Black Ty.

I'd have Andre 3000's baby and he could pay me in child support by doing a Jay-Z-style-perform-all-of-Aquemini-concert.

I'd have T.I.'s baby and hope for sympathy hunger pains so that he can gain some weight.

I'd have Johnny Gill's baby to dispel all of those gay rumors. Even though gay men have babies all the time. But he'd have to promise not to be gay, and then Id have his baby.

I think about having Van Hunt'sbaby every time my phone rings (Being A Girl is my ringtone).

I'd have Dwele's baby and he could pay me in child support by wearing his hair in an afroat the concert on Friday and at every photo shoot from hereon out.

I'd seriously consider having 50 Cent's baby if he paid me in child support by never rapping again.

Even though they are potentially crack addicted and gay, respectively...I'd go on Maury and have to have a paternity test after crushing lemons with D'Angelo and Maxwell and whoever was the daddy could pay me in child support by releasing a CD every June for the next 15 years.

Rules For The Weekend

2006-06-29T08:40:00.000-05:00

You smell that? This is the season for loose women. They are out doing all the things for boys that you aren't. So assuming that you aren't a loose woman, you should be concerned. Here are some rules for the weekend, to make sure your head is in the game.

Some women are morally responsible, educated and enlightened throughout the year. But then when the summer hits, their clothes come off and their legs stay open. And boys know that summer hoes will be out in full throttle this weekend. So be careful. Stay alert. And make sure you save all your extra specialties* for the summer. Now is not the time to let yourself go. If you boy likes the hot girls, make sure you are the hottest thing on his arm, every time you step out. Make him proud other boys are wagging their tongues at you. Remember the Maintenance Day and keep it holy.

*extra specialties include but are not limited to: lingerie, all those sex positions you read in the Karma Sutra and never tried, honey love, monkey love, spontaneous love, ect.

Rule 23: Hoes Into Housewives
If you are a hoe, don’t go after upstanding boys. You bring down the national curve, rock the boat, make boys not want to date women of your race and overall make it much harder for a good woman to attract a good boy.

Hoes need love too. So if you are a hoe, stay within the social circle most like your lifestyle. Date hoe boys. Argue with hoe girls. But don’t go after boys out of your league, regardless of your promiscuity-status. You are not Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Nobody is going to save you from being a hoe.

The only way a hoe turns into a housewife is through her own introspective journey of change. If you subscribe to the Trade Up rule, then you should know that after any significant relationship, one must reevaluate her strengths and weaknesses and prepare to go up a notch to a better boy. Don’t expect to have a better boy if you haven’t made yourself better.

Don’t ruin a good man by being a hoe.

Rule 24: Oh, She’s Just A Friend
We’re not talking about the random chicks or his sports buddies. We’re talking about that hot tamale, that former flame that still in your boy’s life. His best friend. The one he would probably fuck if they weren’t so “platonic.” She’s just as cute as you (if not cuter), and probably makes her self more accessible.

So the challenge is: how do you keep her ta-tas off your man, yet keep her from not hating you?

Because this is not the girl you want to hate you. This is a delicate, delicate bitch. Her opinion may way heavy. And she will be the first shoulder for him to lean on once things start going sour. When dealing with any boy who has an abundance of other women around him (mother, sisters, friends), the first thing is the most important. You must develop your look.

Not the purse matching the shoes look. The look in your eye of confidence that you can clearly display, “Bitch, I got this.” Practice in the mirror. Emote it with a smile. Now try a scowl. Don’t ever let any woman do for your boy what you can do for him. Now say that with your face.

When I was in college, my roommate’s boyfriend had a friend, we’ll cal her Lori. And Lori was always having problems with other men. She was always having car trouble. My roommate didn’t mind, she thought Lori was no threat. I tried to warn her until…

One day my roommate was calling all around, looking for her man. She called Lori, and there he was. Eating his favorite post-coital meal, tuna casserole, with her.

This chic will test the waters. She’ll need a ride at 4 a.m. She’ll need help with a clogged drain while dripping wet from a steamy bath. She wants you to know that the only reason why she hasn’t fucked your man is to fuck with you. We know how women can be.

But don’t play into the pettiness. Be nice to her. Learn all you can about her. Shop with her on occasions. But make sure she has clearly seen a look in your eye that lets her know you will fuck her up if she does anything to jeopardizes your relationship.

Rule 25: Your Single Friends
Now, I’m single, so this is going to sound like a contradiction. But don’t take dating advice from your single friends. Because if they knew anything about relationships, they would be in one.

The difference between me and your single friends is that I’m way more smarter and way more perceptive about things than they are. Your single friends are crabby, jealous, unrealistic and lightweight when it comes to keeping boys happy. Hang out with them. Flirt in pairs. Double date. But if you are trying to get some insight on your boy’s mind, don’t talk to them.

Every woman should have a friend that is in a successful marriage to guide her on dating boys. Optional, but helpful, is a platonic, single male friend. The married friend is there to let you know that building a relationship is not always fun and fancy free. It takes work and strong commitment. You have to know yourself before you decide to want to be like her.

The male friend is to remind you of:

-The attitudes of men who are still single
-What you have to choose from in the circle you hang with
-How simple men’s worlds are. They rarely think about the complexities of dating.

Song For Today: No One Else In The Room by Nas feat. Maxwell

16 Things I Learned From The 2006 BET Awards

2006-06-28T08:49:00.000-05:00

1. Black people sometimes start on time. I tuned in around 8:08 and missed Beyonce! Thank God for YouTube…here’s a video of her performance.

2. T.I.’s too skinny to rap acapella.

3. Damon Wayans just may be gay.

4. Ice Cube wants to desperately to be gangsta again.

5. Chris Brown is fucking Debra Lee. I know the guy is popular. But he won like 15 out of 10 BET Awards! He was on the stage more than Damon Wayans. I have to reason that he’s fucking Debra Lee. There’s no way in the world I’m the only person in America who missed the Chris Brown trend.

6. If Furonda from America’s Next Top Model was pretty, she’d look like Rihanna.

7. OK, Monique. You’re fat. We get it.

8. Ne-Yo looks like a chewed up gummy bear in the face. But boy, can he write the hell out of a song! Jay-Z was a proud poppa!

9. Busta Rhymes is the shit! His performance was the best, hands down!

10. Prince is my little purple fantasy! I don’t care if he rocks the Halle Berry Strictly Business haircut and wears makeup and high heels. Prince could have me climbing the walls and feeding him grapes any day.

11. India.Arie has to be the most unsexy singer in black music today. During the Chaka Khan tribute, I thought Stevie Wonder blowing into the harmonica was sexier than her.

12. People actually name their kids names like Julissa.

13. Yolanda Adams sings songs that aren’t about Jesus. Imagine that! Unless she was singing Sweet Thang about our Lord and Savior.

14. Andre 3000 is the only man who can look sexy dressed like a slave.

15. Vivica Fox said she was trying to bring back old Hollywood glamour in her dress...but really she looked like a hoe in a doily.

16. If you don’t watch Keyshia Cole’s new show on BET, she will come to your house and personally tell you about her struggle. For humanity’s sake…please watch the damn show. Jeez, BET.

Song For Today: Run It by Chris Brown

Debilitating

2006-06-27T09:37:00.000-05:00

Kimora Lee Simmons says that when you are in a rut, you shouldn’t talk to people. You should give the impression that you are always in a great mood, so you should only be in public when you are in a great mood. I try to subscribe to that. And it’s not that I’m in a bad mood…I’m just in a blah mood. It’s kind of muggy, hazy, cloudy outside. And I just love to write.

I read my horoscope today. It said:

When it comes to love and romance, your body is apt to turn to jelly today, and you may find yourself becoming so emotional that you can't even function, Donna. This is called love, and even though it can be heavenly, it can also be quite debilitating.

That’s a Cancer for you. Here's an equation for today: Take 1 of Donna's mind divided by 20 different things. And you'll have an estimate of my fuzzy concentration.

So how does one combat the jelly-like state love puts us in? I’ve tried silence. Not talking to a person. But that just gets me closer that impenetratable shell that old lovers had such a hard time getting through. I don’t want to do that. Nix the silence.

Talking about it causes too much drudging up of other emotions that have nothing to do with the original situation. Because everything will always come back to the idea that I never expect anyone to be extraordinary for me. I never expect to be surprised. I always expect that all of this will be too much. Nix talking about, I’d rather let it just be.

And then Isaac Hayes just happens to be in my CD player…and I find my mind wandering within the lyrics “Oh, you hurt me/you gave it to me/you put it on me momma/when you said….goodbye.” And all of the sudden, I feel his pain. I’m sad too.

One thing I’ve always noticed about myself is the way I sponge up other people’s emotions. My mood can change with the flick of a TV remote, or a missed phone call. If someone else is upset or stressed, it will most likely affect me. Absorbing them makes me understand this human condition more. It also gets me closer to being open myself. One day my written word will match up with my oral words, and I will feel open and relaxed.

I have a pen and I have paper, and because I write better than I talk I can make emotions out of words and craft sentences to make me feel better. I can write myself out of a debilitating funk. I can also write myself into one. Somebody asked me the other day why I blog so much. I didn’t have an answer then, but I do now. Because I love to write. And all of these pent-up, ravaging emotions have no other place to go. Either they turn me into jelly, or they end up on MySpace.

Today, I can decide to get lost in the cloudy, hazy, smoggy mess outside my window. I can go outside and breathe in the COTA bus fumes, I can walk up and down Broad Street until I’m sweaty and I can watch my already frizzy hair balloon with humidity. Or I can choose to follow the thin sunrays that shine between the city mess. And I can try to find something pretty out of this stagnant situation I’m in. Those are the only two options.

Song For Today: Ain’t No Way by Aretha Franklin

This Weekend

2006-06-23T10:14:00.000-05:00

Yesterday: Montray and I went to see the opening for Tyrese’s new flick Waist Deep. It’s a combination of Belly and a Lifetime movie. Meagan Goode is kind of overdoing the pouty, sexy thing, if you ask me. Some of you Negroes might go see it, so I’ll leave “my review” at that.

Comfest: Last year, as Dawn will remember, Hurricane Katrina made an appearance at Comfest during Middle Child’s performance. Not only did it rain…but debris, high winds, lightning and hail had me running through Goodale Park looking for refuge. So as much as I’d like to paint my breasts and run around like a hippie at Comfest…I’m a little concerned about the weather. Nevertheless, Weightless Recording’s stellar hip hop lineup will be on the stage tonight. BHB, S.P.I.R.I.T. and Middle will be rocking the stage Saturday evening. For more performances, check out Comfest’s site. Let’s pray for good weather people.

Friends…How Many Of Us Have Them?: Shout outs to my homie Original Superstars of Hip Hop show featuring Kool Moe Dee, Biz Markie, Slick Rick and Whodini at Cooper Stadium. Tickets start at $20! Who thinks Kool Moe Dee still rocks that leather suit?

Afterwards, she will be heading to the Cove, so everybody bring at least $5 for the Pin To Akilah’s Shirt and/or Buy Her A Drink Fund.

Other Weekend Happs: J. Rawls at the Brownstone tonight, Krate Digga at the Cove tonight, Easton Art Affair all weekend! See you on the flipside!

Song For Today: The Pleasure Principle by Janet Jackson. “You might think I’m crazy/But I’m serious” Somebody put that on a shirt for me, please!

I Miss Slip N Slide

2006-06-22T08:48:00.000-05:00

Is anybody yearning for a summer vacation? Jeez, 16 years of school is a habit hard to break. I’m still missing those three-month lulls in the year where I could eat Popsicles, and bust my knees on my Grandma’s Slip N Slide (the grass isn’t that lush in the hood) at any time of the day. It never gets late in the summer, regardless of what time you wake up. I remember waking up at noon on summer breaks, and still being able to play outside until past 9p.m. But alas adulthood settles in…you know that feeling you sucked your teeth at as a teenager, wishing you would be. I remember having long talks with my pre-adolescent friends about what we would do, when we were “grown.” Some of them included:

Going to bed when I wanted

Working multiple jobs so I wouldn’t be bored

Wearing makeup (well that part is fun)

Talking on the phone to the boy I was scared to talk on the phone to all night, whenever I wanted

Dying my hair

Red nail polish

Now that the feat is accomplished, mindless routine of adulthood is getting to me. Those never-ending days are now limited to getting in at least six hours of sleep for functionality at work the next day. I want a Popsicle. I want bruised Slip N Slide knees again. I want dandelion fuzz all in my hair. I want mudpies from lilacs and mosquito bites from being outside way too late and being way too sweaty. I don’t have to be that old school. I’d be happy with riding around with PTosh, listening to The Boy Is Mine by Brandy and Monica after happy hour at Applebee’s. I’d be happy with an afternoon perusing High Street, spending an hour in Singing Dog, and ending somewhere around the Pita Pit. But I can’t tell that to AEP, AT&T and Insight Communications. So I’ll keep my nostalgic ass at work.

CD Reviews: Check out my Avant review…this CD was alright.

Look Out For: My birthday celebration(s) are gonna be off the hook! Look out for the invites!

Question of the Day: What do you miss most from your summers as a kid?

Miss me? I’ve been posting more on The Pink Ghetto at MySpace.

I ♥ Rules!

2006-06-19T09:59:00.000-05:00

Rule 21: Sexuality and Marital Status

Don’t ever date a boy whose sexual preference and marital status is in question. You should be very clear that you are dating a heterosexual, single boy. Unfortunately, this rule is not obvious.

Finding out whether a boy is married should be as simple as an Internet search. However, if you don’t have access to a computer, there are some clues that you should look out for.

1. He never takes you back to his place.

2. If he does to you to his place, it looks like a Miami Vice bachelor pad with no photos (this is his hoe lair).

3. He doesn’t introduce you to any of his friends.

4. If he does introduce you to his friends, they are married and with similar gullible-looking random chicks like yourself.

5. He’s a trick (meaning he buys you stuff and takes you expensive, obscure places). I always assume that any man who is a trick is married.

6. He always suggests sex in crazy places (in his car, outside the restaurant, in a park) because his wife would never do that, and he probably doesn’t have a place for you to have sex at.

Don’t look for rings and stuff like that. Any real player will have those things covered up. Basically, someone not willing to be public with you is not worth your time.

As far as gay men, the flaming effeminate ones are not the ones you should worry about, unless you are Star Jones or Terry McMillan. The guys you should be concerned about are the seemingly upstanding and honest ones who, when you aren’t around, get more butt than ashtrays.

Once again, though it should be simple when a boy is into other boys, some women miss all of the obvious signs.

A boy is gay if:

1. He has more than a reasonable amount of lubrication in his possession. Some boys like the extra slip and slide of lube, and some girls need it. So in the bedroom anything goes. But if your boy carries lube with him in his wallet, in his car, in every room of his house, and won’t have sex without it, the gat dammit he’s gay.

2. He’s more sexy that you. This means, if he has more baby hair than you, more shoes and clothes and poses for pictures better than you. If he owns makeup of any kind, and puts anything on his lips besides Carmex, he's gay. You must know the difference between a boy who wants to take care of himself and gay. If he gets pedicures and invests in lotions and soaps, he is taking care of himself. If he waxes his eyebrows and polishes his nails, he is gay. I believe that women are often more physically sexy than boys…if a boy has too much cleavage showing, then he’s gay. (see: Kanye West)

3. Most importantly, if you’re boy wants anal sex more than 40 percent of the time you have sex, he is gay. Anal sex is a lot like birthday cake…if you have it every once in a while, it’s a treat. If you have it everyday, it kinda loses it’s meaning. Forty percent is high, and everything over that suggests that your boy enjoys anus more than vagina…that inherently is gay.

I suggest that women know at least one gay boy, not for the sake of shopping and finger nail polish, but to check up on boys that you date. Dating married and gay boys is not only embarrassing, but detrimental to your health. It’s know telling what a raging wife or pissed off gay boy would do if they found out you were sleeping with their man!

Rule 22: Kissing Boys and Boys Kissing You
You should never kiss a boy you just met in the club. Never. If you or any of your girls kiss boys they just meet in the club, you must question your ability to be openly intimate with people they don’t know. That’s just not safe.

You should always kiss a boy before, after and during sex. Some boys say they don’t like kissing…those are the same ones with intimacy issues.

Always require oral sex from boys you are having sex with. This is not debatable. Just like you should be giving oral sex to him.

If you are uncomfortable with any part of intimacy with a boy, or a boy is uncomfortable with you, neither of you should be having sex with each other.

Bonus Rule: This one is from my dad, given to me yesterday as I was ignoring a phone call from one of my exes:

Donna: Oh, that was just (boy that I used to date that I talk to occasionally).

My Dad: He sure does call you a lot, you must be seeing him again?

Donna: No, he knows the deal, we’re just friends.

My Dad: Men don’t have friends, they just have women that they want to sleep with or they want to sleep with again.

Donna: Well, he knows nothing is going on with me and him, so we are just friends.

My Dad: One day you are going to listen to your dad. I don’t have a women friends. So (boy that I used to date that I talk to occasionally) either is trying to sleep with you or wants to sleep with you again.

Donna: So any boy that I talk to is either trying to sleep with me or you assume I have slept with?

My Dad: Yes.

Donna: Daddy, you are walking the line like Johnny Cash.

Song For Today: Daydreamin' by Aretha Franklin

Still Pending

2006-06-15T10:16:00.000-05:00

No updates or status changes as of yet, Ms. Marbury.

That has been the quote of the week. Everything is on the cusp of movement, but not just movement, not just yet.

The house. Still pending.

The interviews. Still pending.

The six pounds I hoped to lose by the end of the month. Still pending.

I’ve been at the starting line, fully prepared and cocked to run for about three weeks now. Or to rewrite that in a way that is not so flattering to me: I have been antsy, anxious and impatient about things that I know take time for about three weeks now. Sam Cooke's A Change Is Gonna Come playing between every phone call and sandwiched between every email. Luckily I’ve had some sweet diversions while I wait. But even in strengthening relationships, someone as anxious as me must put on the breaks and not rush. I'm even sending still pending notices to myself.

If you can’t find anything to do his weekend, I will personally plan a weekend of cheap fun for you. There’s so much to do, it’s bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S (I know that was last year’s witty phrase, but I’m old school sue me.)

Tonight: Nicolay and The 3rd at Cove. $5 before 11p.m. Come show your face, I know I am.

Friday: DAWNSTAR at CBR’s in the Brewery District.

Saturday: Juneteenth at Franklin Park…plus, my boy J. Dave will be doing it big for his birthday celebration at Cove. Anybody who wants to get in free has to holla at me before Friday morning. Please, don’t call me while I’m in the middle of flirting with my hot boy to tell me that you are outside and they want you to pay $20 to get in. I warned you in advance…

Sunday: The tail end of the Worthington Arts Festival, check it out.

CD Review: Check out my review of Rihanna's new one in the Columbus Dispatch today.

Song For Today: Country Livin’ (The World I Know) by Esthero

Lindsay Lohan and Bengal Tigers

2006-06-14T08:33:00.000-05:00

Boy, was I rattled yesterday. Not only did I get sick from leftover calamari Caesar salad, but also I left my purse at work. I was sans lipgloss and money for the remainder of the evening. Despite not feeling well, my girl Jessica and me hauled ass to Black Pearl Poetry at the Brownstone. Scott Woods, wordsmith and poet, made a surprise visit along with several members of the Writer’s Block Poetry team. It was great to see both of Columbus’ poetry teams being able to rock it in the same venue.

Afterwards, Jessica and me went to a little family owned spot called Fritzy’s for some breakfast and giggles. I went to sleep around 12:30, and ended up having a dream that I was kidnapped by Lindsay Lohan in my parents’ house, where she had a huge party (of course) and made me strip on my parents’ kitchen table the whole time. Finally, she got drunk enough to pass out and I escaped, only to be met by a Bengal Tiger (“oh shit, a Bengal Tiger” is what I said in my dream) that I had to fight off to get into my car.

Shout outs to Dwyane Wade who finally gave me a 40 point game and a win with Miami. Trust me, I have way more invested in this game than just general interest ;)

While rummaging through my CD collection this morning, looking for my Musiq collection, I found this CD I made in college.

Half/Crazy by Musiq (What a great compromise song!)

China Love by Janet Jackson (This may be my favorite Janet song, if we exclude The Velvet Rope…that is my absolute favorite Janet CD!)

If You Leave Her Destiny’s Child feat. Next (My sister loves this song...you think Beyonce would do a song with these cats nowadays?)

I Got A Man by Eve (One of about three Eve songs I love.)

I Need A Girl, Part 1, P. Diddy feat. Mario Winans (Do people really make love listening to Biggie?)

I’ll Do Anything/I’m Sorry by Ginuwine (My favorite Ginuwine song…probably because of the Visions sample)

Mary by Scarface (What rapper doesn’t have a love song disguised as a weed song?)

Movies by Ashanti (OK, so shoot me for once being an Ashanti fan. This and Rescue Me are hot!)

Just Like Daddy by 2Pac (I could do without the thug 2Pac, but I loved sexy 2Pac!)

Emotional by Carl Thomas (I think every man has felt this way about a girl…a perfect break up song.)

Two Wrongs Wyclef feat. Claudette Oritz (Wyclef makes the best love songs. Sure it’s kind of a 911 knock off, but it’s still beautiful)

G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T. by Changing Faces (R.Kelly is a nut. This song is clearly written from his wife’s perspective.)

I Need A Girl Part 2 by P.Diddy feat. Loon and Usher (OK, I used to have a huge crush on Loon. I met his chocolatey self before and we instantly clicked. I could have hit that, but being a reporter, that kind of stuff isn’t ethical)

Camay by Ghostface feat. Raekwon and Cappadonna (The Champ will be excited to see this one! This song is…dare I say…beautiful and raw)

Hot in Herre by Nelly (It doesn’t really fit with the loose theme of the CD, but what they hey. Big ups to Rashad who was poppin’ Cristal in the video!)

Satisfy You by P. Diddy feat. R. Kelly (OK, so I had some kind of non-sexual crush on Diddy, obviously. Diddy in his post-J.Lo phase was so delicate and fragile. This song is hot, don’t front.)

Hot Boys (Remix) by Missy feat. Lil’ Mo, Nas, Eve, Q-Tip (Man, me and PTosh used to roll around the city BUMPING this song, looking for Hot Boys back in our day. Eve’s best verse ever.)

$5 Holla!

2006-06-13T09:02:00.000-05:00

Your horoscope for today: You're not watching anything on TV Thursday night and you need good music in your life. If you arrive at the Cove Lounge before 11 p.m. (a signal that means a early night home for all of you worker bees) you will be able to see Elevator Music's The 3rd along with Nicolay who has produced for Foreign Exchange, Havana and Little Brother for $5. Music this good shouldn't be this cheap. But since it is and you are so smart you are going to be there...unless you want bad luck for the next 30 years!

Big Ups and Shout Outs

2006-06-09T09:42:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning totally exhausted yet feeling wildly alive. It’s a beautiful day in the city and I hope you are able to make the most of it. Of course there are oodles of things to get into this weekend, I just hope that someone steps outside their box and tries something a little different…you never know what could happened!

Much love to my homie PTosh, who continues to wow the Art Department over at OSU. She was accepted into her major, after putting together a banging portfolio. One day, she’ll have all of her work on display. If you are lucky enough to be able to see any of her work, you know she is the wave of the future.

Whatsup to my homie Doni Jai who left the greatest little Donna song on my voicemail the other day. After going around the country, he and his band, Dawnstar will be in Columbus on June 16th at CBR rockin out to their special brand of rock, funk and soul…I can’t wait for this show!

Shout outs to Scott Woods who will be emceeing a jazz/poetry hybrid this evening at the posh Columbus Music Hall. It’s only $5 and every poet has to perform in front of a live jazz band. Do something different on a Friday night, okay!

Shout outs also to my boy J Rawls, who is up there with John Mayer and Van Hunt on getting the most spins in ’06 from me. I will never get sick of Bailar feat. Aloe Blacc on his Essence of Soul CD. Anyways, International J will be doing his thing at the Brownstone tonight, stop by and say whatsup to him.

Either Saturday or Sunday I will be at my favorite park in Columbus, the Park of Roses, for the annual Rose Festival. This place is a poet’s dream.

A big shout out to Montray, even though the Miami Heat lost last night, he seemed to be in very good spirits. Hopefully, he’ll win his bet this Sunday when Dwyane Wade scores 40 points! I know I’m rooting for him!

BTW: I just want to let everyone know that Dwyane Wade spells his name wrong…

Happy Birthday to my Godbaby-daddy J. Dave! Thanks so much for pushing your festivities back until after payday! I’m galvanizing to troops to make sure we party hard next week! Stay tuned!

I love all my friends and I love the summertime! Whatever I do this weekend, I’ll take lots of photos to share next week…be safe and have fun!

Coming Up: My two-year Nappiversary at the end of this month!

Song For Today: For The Love of You by Isley Bros. “Driftin’ on a memory/Ain’t no place I’d rather be than with you…”

Rules, Sucka!

2006-06-08T08:55:00.000-05:00

I’m at work this morning, listening to VH1 Radio because I'm concerned that I’ve run a groove in my Van Hunt and John Mayer CDs. And what song comes on the radio? I Like by Guy! Oh shit, the next song is When I Think of You by baby-fat Janet Jackson! Working in the ultra-conservative environment that I do, it’s hard for me to withhold my excitement. My first reaction is to start doing the Cabbage Patch and the Roger Rabbit down the hallway. That would have been extremely Afro-American of me.

That intro had nothing to do with this fresh crop of Rules, by the way…

Rule 18: Lying to Boys
Don’t lie to boys. Be yourself. Tell the truth. If they don’t like it, phuck them. There are plenty of boys to talk to.

Don’t lie about your expectations. If you want to wait nine months before you have sex with somebody, then do that. If you only like lawyers, doctors, etc., then only date them. And don’t compromise your personal rules and guidelines. You’re the only person who will end up unhappy.

Don’t lie about dating other boys. The boys I date know I date other boys. They don’t know explicit detail or names, but they all know I’m exploring my options before I decide to commit.

Don’t tailor yourself to fit any boy’s idea. If you really don’t like a boy’s without a steady gig, don’t date boys without steady gigs. If you really don’t like boys with children, don’t date boys with children. Don’t say you love football when you’ve never seen a game. Tell him the truth! You may learn to love sports in the process.

If you are stuck up and prissy, own up to that. Be genuine in your prissiness. Be who you are and know that anyone not attracted to that is just a waste of time.

Rule 19: Random Chicks (Random Boys)
If you are adhering to the standards that you are accustomed to, you have probably landed yourself a pretty hot boy, or are in serious negotiations on landing yourself a pretty hot boy. Shit, even if you are swooning over the local loser, someone besides yourself will probably think your boy is hot.

There is a sub-category of women in the dating arena. They are called random chicks. A random chick is a girl who feverishly pursues other women’s boys. They make public displays of their freakdom in clubs, on MySpace pages, in any situation where they want people to know that they will phuck your boy.

Random chicks can be intimidating. Some of them are really pretty. They seem to be everywhere, not just clubs and bars, but churches, gas stations, Radio Shack, anywhere that hot boys may be. They are always pawing all over your hot boy or making it ultra obvious that they want him in ways that will shame your momma.

So here’s how you handle a random chick.

Like I said before, the only way to “keep a man” is to find one who wants to commit to you. Fortunately for you, you understand that and random chicks don’t. If you are dealing with a boy whose head is easily turned by skanks, let the random chicks have him. He is a random boy.

If you are dealing with an upstanding boy, whose flesh may be weak, there are a couple things you can do to ward off random chicks.

Befriend them. Keeping your friends close and your enemies closer is one way to get inside the chick’s head so that you can plan an appropriate offense. I don’t suggest inviting her over or going places with her. I do suggest casual conversation that eventually leads to questions about her past and attitudes toward men. Find out who else she’s sleeping with, her views toward casual sex and her pick up game (see rule below). Don’t let her know anything about your man and your relationship. Many random chicks are so caught up in their own sexy selves that they may not be astute enough to ask you for details about your life anyways. After you gain all the information you need from her, discard her immediately.

Hang With Your Man. I know some girls that never go to the clubs, bars, kick it spots, wherever that their boy frequents. That’s just dumb. That girl has no idea of the random chicks lurking where he is. Next time your man goes to the BW3, tell him you and your girls may stop by. Come in, chat a sec and find another table to sit at…and watch the other women who watch him. Now, I know this seems borderline stalkerish, but you must understand that boys don’t always keep their priorities in line when a beautiful woman starts giving them attention. Don’t do anything or say anything to the chicks unless you can find a seamless conversation starter (hair, clothes, shoes (all of this, by the way may be tacky on a random chick, because they are random)), but don’t make yourself too obvious. Make sure the chick can identify you, then approach your man again. This will let the random chick know what’s what.

Always have a general knowledge of or at least be able to identify the women who think your boy is attractive. Ultimately, the fact that you are confident, sexy, knowlegable and have a definite plan and purpose will keep an upstanding boy interested in you. You don’t have to compete with or outsexy a random chick. Don’t worry too much about them, just be aware of their presence If they can’t bang your boy, they’ll move on to someone else.

Song of reference: Sisters and Bitches by Jay-Z

Rule 20: Pick Up Game
Don’t ever ever ever ever (think Chris Tucker) take another woman’s boy. That is a cardinal sin in the sisterhood arena. Don't ever pride yourself in the fact that you can or would take someone else's boy. The term “taking” includes: sleeping with, emotional bonding with, or fraternizing with a boy who is currently in a relationship or continuing conversation with someone who he was recently in a relationship with.

Any boy looking to form a serious relationship with a new girl will make sure he is free from the emotional baggage of a previous relationship. Any other arrangement and you are rebound pussy.

Any boy who can justify cheating on his current woman for you is a loser. He will do the same thing to you. He will probably tell you how much of a better woman you are than his current flame. At this point, you should lay out your standards of dating and ask that he adhere to those. If he cannot, he isn’t serious about being with you.

Ultimately, your concern should be the other woman. You should never do anything in someone else’s relationship that you don’t want done to you. Also see: Rule 7:Pussy Control

Song of reference: Booty by Erykah Badu

Song For Today: Come Close To Me by Common featuring Mary. J Blige

The Casual Thing

2006-06-06T10:25:00.000-05:00

“Hey Donna, why don’t you answer my phone calls anymore,” said the text message from a boy I used to sweat like a sauna a little over a month ago. “I’m on my way over.”

He’s very aggressive. And he knows I like that. And considering my day yesterday, I was in need of some company. When you are down, I know niggas treat you like a number 2 pencil and want to test you. This whole being committed to the house thing has been spilling over to other areas of my life. I don’t want to continue to have all these loose-ended relationships with people. I need people with a purpose in my life. Even if for the night. Donna from three months ago would have been in the shower, getting ready and putting on something fetching.

“I don’t do the casual thing anymore, sorry,” was what I responded. I was so proud of myself. Rule for today: You should want what you want, and you shouldn't take second best...because you aren't second best.

Things To Be Excited About

Janice Dickinson’s new modeling show starts tonight! Yeah, she’s kind of nutty, but she was the best element of America’s Next Top Model. Plus, she knows her ish. I’ll be Tivoing that.

Master P and America’s Next Hip Hop Star. I don’t know if this is a good idea…but it is long overdue that someone brought Hip Hop into this arena.

Making The Band 3 is back on June 15! Diddy is riding this thing until the wheels fall off, and I will be there to make sure he embarrasses himself into obscurity.

Song For Today: Newness by Musiq. "Everything is cool/when love is all brand new/ cause your learning me and I'm learning you..."

Everything’s Breaking

2006-06-02T09:43:00.000-05:00

I’m making a list of all of the things and people that need my attention right now.

The air conditioner in my apartment isn’t working. The drain in the bathroom is slow. The window in my car won’t roll down. My clothes don’t fit, I need new ones bad. One best friend needs help with a portfolio. Another, I haven’t talked to in weeks. My grandmother’s sick. My uncle’s sick. I don’t want to get sick, so I have to make it to the gym. I have to call my sister back. I have to finish this report at work. I have to check up with my clients. I haven’t been listening to any of the CDs I’m supposed to review. I haven’t heard from any publicist about pending interviews. I haven’t done the dishes. My hair needs a trim. I’m still waiting on a closing date for my house. I can’t pack until I get a closing date. I can’t schedule time off until I get a closing date. Should I get new carpet when I move in? Should I paint? Should I take this new job offer? Can I make it to Wali’s party Saturday at the Brownstone? Should I stay in and do my hair?

Relaxation is in the distance. I know that this is mounting because of all of the major moves that are pending in my life. I know that if I weren’t so competent, I wouldn’t be need to do so many things. So much is competing for my time, money and talents. I just have to stay focused and hope that the people who love me understand my scatterbrainyness. I hope the people who I carve out time for truly appreciate what their time means to me.

You thought I forgot about the Ultimate Guide To Boys? Don’t worry, there are plenty of rules left. Make sure you utilize one of these things on your weekend excursions.

Rule 15: Flirting
Every woman should know how to flirt. Flirting is knowing how to make a man feel like a man. It’s kind of like kissing up to your dad, but in a totally different context.

Flirting is not:

Showing a boy your thong

Tying a cherry stem with your tongue

Making you knees touch your elbows on the dance floor

Or touching any intimate part of a boy in a non-intimate environment

You should be able to flirt with someone without saying a word. You should also be able to flirt with someone without being overtly sexual. It’s all about expressing yourself, being observant and complimenting his qualities. For example:

A hot boy offers to buy you a drink…you should smile brightly and say something like “you are so generous!” You should remind him throughout the night how smitten you were by his generosity.

Or if a hot boy knows an awful lot about politics, even if you’re not into politics, you should compliment him…”you are so astute to current events! That’s impressive! Somebody has to know what’s going on with our hard earned tax dollars!”

If you want a boy to like you for more than your body, then you have to set the bar. If you want to be complimented, you must compliment boys too! If you meet a boy who doesn’t have anything to say besides bedroom chatter, ditch him. I’ve interviewed and met some of the hottest men and countless other boys that one could consider attractive based solely on their looks. And I’ve flirted with them all without considering their looks.

If you meet a boy, and you think he is hot, tell him. And leave it at that. Don’t let an initial conversation escalate into something sexual

Rule 16: Trade Up
Like I said before, dating is a lot like house hunting…you keep doing it until you tailor your choices to the one you ultimately want to commit to. So when you cease dating a boy for whatever reason, don’t ever revert back to a type of boy you wouldn’t consider normally, just because you are sad or bored.

Always seek better and better boys. You should only date a boy who would make your high school nemesis or ex boyfriend jealous if they saw how good the chemistry was. The last boy you dated should cringe because he knows you are currently dating a better boy than him. The boy you are dating now should know that he is the best of the best. Your time is limited. If you are dating an okay boy, and a better one comes along…ditch him for the better boy. Duh!

If two boys call you to take you out, always go with the better boy. Who has time for mediocre…you always deserve the best. Don’t draft Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan.

If an old suitor wants you back, only accept him if he has demonstrated meaningful change in his character. Not because he’s sad, he misses you or he bought you a puppy. Only if he recognizes that he can be a better person with your assistance. Anything else and you’re just settling.

Rule 17: Dumping Boys
You should probably dump most of the boys you date. Not because you are a ruthless, heartless bitch. But because, you won’t be compatible with many of the people you are attracted to. Why waste your time?

Dumping should consist of a simple statement: I don’t think we’re compatible.

Next week: I’m going to open up the Pink Ghetto mailbag and answer all those questions you have aching inside of you that only I can answer. So, if you’d like to test my haughty knowledge, make sure you drop me a comment or shoot me an email. I’ll be glad to answer anything.

Song For Today: Come and Get Me by Jay-Z

No Dwele Guys!

2006-06-01T19:30:00.000-05:00

So the Dwele show has been postponed until June 30th. That's the bad news. The good news is that the show will feature Eric Roberson this time around!

(Cheers from the audience)

So instead, go check out Scott Woods and the Writer's Block Poets at the Arts Festival.

A Million

2006-06-01T09:21:00.000-05:00

Remember that song by Jay-Z? I think it was the intro to the ghastly, uninspired In My Lifetime, Vol. 1. The CD had some bangers…Who Ya Wit, Real Niggas with Too $hort and Streets Is Watching is on that CD. But also Fly Girl with Diddy and Lil Kim, that awful, awful City Is Mine with Blackstreet, along with other lukewarm fodder. Damn you, Puff Daddy-era of Hip Hop. Damn you.

But this isn’t about Jay-Z or the materialistic demise of Hip Hop. It’s about all of the things you can do in Columbus this weekend. Because let’s face it. I can’t do them all. I’m not getting any younger. I’ll be 30 in five years and a month and a half. I’m getting old guys!

Tonight

Cove, Sugar and Spice bars, Global Nightclub…take your pick! All of those places will be jumpin this evening.

The Columbus Arts Festival starts today and runs through Sunday evening. I absolutely love the Arts Festival. I’ve volunteered in the past, and meant to this year but missed the deadline. Anywhoo, make sure you check it out on whatever day and support some beautiful artists.

Speaking of beautiful artists, my home skillet PTosh has a piece in a show this evening at the Ohio State University Foundation Art Show. The opening is from 5-7pm at Hopkins Hall. This is her second show in her first year in the department. Get down Tosh go ‘head get down!

Friday

First Fridays at Midwest Hotel and Convention Center on Sinclair Road

Foundation Fridays at Cove with my boy Krate Digga

Live Reggae with Vision featuring Deighton Charlemagne at Sunset Negril

My girl Cinnamon scored me some tickets to the ultra exclusive rooftop party to celebrate the Arts Festival Friday night. I may breeze by another spot on my way home.

Saturday

The 250th Gallery Hop in the Short North goes all day long! There will be all kinds of sales, and other goodies going on. Do yourself a favor and make an appearance sometime throughout the day.

Scott Woods and his gang of poets will be on stage at the Arts Festival. He promises family friendly, but I bet he’ll slide a vagina or penis in there some kind of way.

Dwele will be at The Art, Southern Theatre starting at 8pm. Middle Child, Cyrus Baty, Ed Mabrey, Krate Digga and all your other favorites will be in the building as well. I scored a hot, hot date (shout outs to my hot date ;) so my ass will mos def be in a seat. Tickets are only $15-$27, which isn’t much.

Sunday

I hear In8’s Wali and Lawrence are having a party at the BStone for their birthdays. I haven’t received an official invite (ahem) so until I do, looks like I’ll be watching Family Guy.

…Or catching the last day of the Arts Festival. I’m arsty-farsty according to some, what can I say!

Also This Weekend

I’m a bit of a health nut. So I’m excited that it is finally time to pick fresh strawberries and other fruits and veggies! You haven’t lived if you’ve never had fresh strawberries from the vine. I came from the hood, but my parents kept us cultured, okay! Here is a list of all of the area farmer’s markets, so I’m going to try to go by one this weekend and get some fresh goodies. You know you want to come over…

Did I miss anything? If I did, oy! I may not be able to make it there anyways. Have fun this weekend guys!

Song For Today: Marathon by Kelis

Whirlwind

2006-05-31T09:33:00.000-05:00

Granted buying a house, starting my business, trying to lose 20 more pounds and falling in serious like with someone doesn’t lighten my daily load. Nevertheless, I’m young and I can take it. I’ll keep reporting on the goods as long as ya’ll keep reading about it. I have been very impressed by how calm I’ve been as this whirlwind has swirled around me. In the past six months, I’ve learned a couple things:

1. It’s okay to be mean to people, even when you are in PR. Especially if they deserve it. People who deserve the mean treatment: “You know the type/Loud as a motorbike/But wouldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight.”

2. If you can’t find anything to do in Columbus, it’s because your ass don’t want to do anything. There, I said it. People are always complaining that the same people are always at the same spots, which is ridiculous in a city where so many different cultures and entertainment districts blend together. There is someone in the Brewery District, who is interesting as hell, who has never met me. Because I don’t hang out there. So, for all of those people ragging on Columbus’ entertainment and nightlife scene…you are LAME, not the city.

3. Since I have been loosed from the reality TV show demons of Tuesday and Wednesday night (ANTM and American Idol), I am able to commit two more nights a week to see what’s going on in the city. I say human interaction is always more stimulating that watching TV, especially in the summer, even if it costs you $5.

4. Sometimes misunderstandings arise. Even when you are right, sometimes you just gotta let shit go.

5. I’m not a Superwoman. I’m not the kind of girl, that you can let down and think that everything’s okay. (Thanks Karyn White!)

6. I really am open to everything and attached to nothing.

7. With life being as short as it is, conflict is funny.

8. My job isn’t to make people better, it is to help people be comfortable being themselves around me.

9. But I will call an asshole when I see one.

10. Nothing against big girls with big hair, but I don’t want to be one.

11. Van Hunt wrote Being A Girl about me, even if he doesn’t know it. I was shocked by how much that song is about me when I first heard it. I haven’t heard a song more about me since Frontin by Pharrell and Jay Z.

12. I like boys who act the same around me that they do their peoples. Don’t baby me or treat me too girly. Just be yourself.

13. When to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em, except in poker…I suck at poker.

14. I like double dating with PTosh and P.A. Flex.

15. I’ve moved from having to be with a crew, from being okay with rolling by myself to preferring dolo.

16. To laugh out loud at myself. I am a funny girl!

17. My hair has a personality of its own, and like other people I need to work on letting it do what it wants to do rather than what I want it to do.

18. There are plenty of people who don’t like me. There are 10 times more who love me and I love myself. (stole that one from Beyonce!)

19. Buying a house has taught me the principles of 1 Corinthians 13 more than any one person has.

20. I love the bronzy, sweaty glow people develop in the summer time.

21. I'm a daredevil, baby!

Tonight: Open mic at Cove with the band Ministry of Groove(shout outs to Brandon and Adrian). There will be some kind of drink special, I’m sure for Happy Hour.

The rest of the week: Tons of stuff! Tomorrow will be dedicated to all of the happenings for the rest of the week.

Song For Today: Whatever by Jill Scott. “Do you want some water baby/how about some chicken wings/do you want some fish and grits/I’ll hurry and go get it” Now that some good lovin’ right there!

Memorial Day Weekend...

2006-05-29T10:48:00.000-05:00

This weekend was long and beautiful. Shout outs to all the party people who had a good time at the Cove Anniversary on Saturday. I can't stand to see an uncaptioned photo...and even though I don't know errybody, I am going to put down sumthing...SO, if you see yourself, and no name, then tell me who you are! Blame it on my mind and not my heart...Enjoy!

Me post eye makeup, pre lip gloss and accesories. I had to make sure the eye shadow would photograph well.

My sis took a full-body, yet fuzzy shot of me...but you get the gist, right?

I clean up pretty well, I must say...

2006-05-29T10:46:00.000-05:00

Sybil was looking fresh at the start of the evening

I found singer Tone posted up in the back of the Cove

2006-05-29T10:45:00.000-05:00

Me and Meghan look like top models

Me and Ray...the Columbus version of Nas and Jay-Z

Tesa, Mia, Tyeshia and their unidentified, but really nice friend

2006-05-29T10:43:00.000-05:00

Brandan of TheUrbanStarr.com is always making funny faces...

My high school crew! Allen, Dave, Sharif and their friend who I can't remember his name(see, I warned you this would happen!)

Big ups to Krate (l) who noticed my work out efforts. I like to see my deejays in suits. DJ O Sharp, The Closer, was doing his thing all night...

2006-05-29T10:42:00.000-05:00

I was glad that Emanuel came out to kick it...

You see ReuEl trying to outsexy me?

Me and my girl Afrika were prettying up the joint

2006-05-29T10:41:00.000-05:00

My new favorite bartender Keith, who pressured me and Afrika into some lemon shots...

From left to right: My homie Niel, Shelly, Maria, Tanisha and Uri

My girl Dawanna and Malena

2006-05-29T10:32:00.000-05:00

Still hot, but now I know your name! D'Juan, yeah, that's it!

Neccesary of the legendary S.P.I.R.I.T. impressed me by knowing all the words to all the reggae songs that came on...

Afrika is such a mack...here she is with Brandon

All Weekend Long

2006-05-26T09:50:00.000-05:00

1. I was able to find a banging dress and sexy red shirt for this weekend’s festivities. I spent a grand total of $54.

2. I was happy that I no longer have to shop in the big girl’s department…not that there is anything wrong with plus size clothes…but it feels good not have to buy them anymore.

3. This means that I don’t have to do a lot of worrying about a store not having my size…for the first time since high school!

4. I am going to be about the town All Weekend Long, so if you want to meet me and tell me how much you love my blog…or how stupid I am…this weekend is the time to do it.
5. I get off of work an hour early today!

6. This gives me an extra hour to get my “Maintenance Day” started.

7. “Maintenance Day” is an essential precursor to any sexual or summer activity or any other activity involving people being close to you, touching you and/or you feeling and looking glowing and feminine.

8. “Maintenance Day” includes, but is not limited to: full body salt scrub, head to toe hair removal, removal of excess cuticles and skin from feet and hands, application of polish to toes and fingernails, facial including steaming and mask, application of bronzer (for the summer tanned feel), deep conditioning of my hair, along with the trial of a new hairstyle.

9. Yes, I do this at least once a month from Memorial Day until Labor Day and any other time when someone will be extremely close to me.

10. Have fun this weekend, don’t OD on BBQ, don’t drive drunk and saying hi to me as a fan of my blog may land you a free drink!

Just in time for the holiday weekend…More Boy Rules

Rule 12: The Importance of Dating
I theorize that many of the Waiting To Exhale, HateANigga.com women spewing venom at potential mates are women who don’t date enough. Because once someone has dated their fair share of men, they begin to hone in on exactly what they want. For example:

When I started house hunting, I was excited at the possibility of seeing different homes…the next weekend I went out, my realtor and I had eliminated a style of home I didn’t like. Eventually I knew I wanted a certain kind of condo…and that’s all I need to look for. I didn’t have the energy nor time to consider cape cods, ranches, etc., because it wasn’t my taste.

I think if women were more open to dating (not meeting a guy and sleeping with him before you sit down with him and see where his head is at), then you can begin to eliminate character traits you don’t like…which will eventually lead to you focusing your interest one type of man. I’ve dated tons of men, and there are certain kinds I just don’t entertain anymore. Sure, it’s fun to take a test drive, but I’m not bringing that puppy home.

Rule 13: Sex For Shits and Giggles
“Lying is the most fun a girl can have with her clothes on,” says Natalie Portman’s character in Closer. I’d rather lie all night long than have sex with someone just because I have nothing better to do.

If you are in a committed relationship and you are your honey are bored…throw him on his back and ride him like a cowboy whenever you want.

If you are single with a cell phone full of losers and horny…buy a vibrator.

When you have sex with someone, you should always assume that the worst-case scenario will happen. Do you want to face those scenarios with that person? AIDS, pregnancy and STDs can be life changing. But so can a girlfriend you don’t know about who barges in. Or his momma. Or he may purposefully try to get your pregnant. Or introduce you to his peeps the next day. Or he laughs like the Joker. Or any other commitment-type situation that you didn’t bargain for when you tried to just get your rocks off.

Rule 14: Hard Dick and Bubble Gum
Don’t have sex for money, dinners out, Coach purses or your cell phone bills. Prostitutes have sex for money. If you’re going to be a prostitute, whore for big-ticket items like real estate, career advancement and stock options. Don’t have sex for hard dick and bubble gum.

Don’t even run in the same kind of circle with boys who want to trick girls off. You are an item to them. Your time, effort, personality, charm and beauty is worth more than any expensive restaurant, I don’t care how expensive it is.

I’ve had boys buy me really expensive and outlandish things. Once, I had a boy that bought me at least one designer purse a month. I wasn’t into designer purses…I gave them to my friends. I thought he was fiscally irresponsible.

Boys who like you will do things to impress you. And I’m not saying don’t accept gifts…but you must stress that his character and personality far outweigh anything he can buy.

Song For Today: Doin’ It by LL Cool J

Cove Anniversary Info

2006-05-24T09:48:00.000-05:00

OK, I've been getting a lot of questions about the Cove's Anniversary party. So, at the risk of repeating myself a million times, here is the flyer! Notice that festivities begin TONIGHT! Singers, poets, and whatever else kind of performer you are, there will be an open mic and a live band at the cove tonight...Shout outs to Ed Mabrey and the Black Pearl Poetry Slam Team who will also be rockin the mic.

For the Saturday Exclusive party...once again, you have to sign up at the Cove's website by May 25.

NO I can't get you in!

More info also available at TheUrbanStarr.com

Rules-O-Rama

2006-05-23T09:30:00.000-05:00

American Idol’s down to the Final Two. Who will win?

I predict Taylor. I can’t see Katherine making any sellable, contemporary music. She should sing for the Disney Channel or something. But competing with what’s out there now? I just don’t see it. Taylor is my Michael McDonald-fantasy…though that’s not a particularly freaky fantasy…I just like funky, white boys, OK!

I don’t get Shakira. Is it just me, or does she look like a messy, unkept Beyonce?

More Rules!

Rule 9: Sex on the First Night
Or the first week, or whatever. Basically, this is about sex before having some type of meaningful connection with someone. And meaningful isn’t being able to dance to Between The Sheets on the crowded Cove dance floor without bumping into anyone else. I’m the furthest from prude, I’m not judging you.

You either have to decide that you want to have casual sex with people or you don’t. You shouldn’t have casual sex if you can’t deal with emotional unattachment. There’s nothing wrong with being either kind of person, but you can’t be both.

Know yourself enough to know that you cannot handle the emotional burden of potentially having a one-night stand, and don’t do it. This is extremely important and something you should notify all of your girls about before you even set foot in a place that sells alcohol by the glass. Either you are a person who occasionally gets caught up in the moment and has premature sex…or you should never have it. Decide beforehand what kind of person you are and stick to that.

If you are a hit’em and quit’em type of girl, that doesn’t mean that you should go spreading your eggs like the Easter bunny. My advice has always been that if you are going to have unattached sex, that still isn’t a reason to not get to know the other person. There should be some type of friendship before you have sex. It may not be the strongest friendship in the world, but you should know the person outside of just wanting to jump their bones. If a boy wants to have sex with you this Saturday, he’ll want to have sex the next Saturday. He can wait another week.

Don’t ever have sex with someone you just met that night. Now, I know I said I wasn’t judging you before…but in a world of kidnappings, rapes and murders, that shit just ain’t safe. Always take out enough time to Google someone before spreading your legs. That’s the least you could do for yourself.

Rule 10: Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Don’t go anywhere looking for a boy. You are way too fabulous for that. Go out to network, meet people, have fun, rub up on a couple penises on the dance floor. But don’t go out with the intentions of finding a boy.

Life is too short to limit your experiences to either being single or attached. I may go out and not get any numbers, but I met two new graphic designers, someone who can do natural hair and a mortgage broker. I may talk to a hot guy about Hip Hop all night, and he may become a resource for my next story.

If a boy becomes interested in talking to you when you go out…don’t go on full out attack. Let him offer to buy you a drink. Talk to him about anything besides your body, your clothes, his boxers or anything like that. Ask him about work, school, music, art, culture, current events…all the things that you supposedly want to talk about with a boy anyways.

Don’t end up with your ass in the air before you realize that the only culture he knows about is hyphy. Don’t get upset that you went out with your friends and didn’t get any numbers. That used to get me down, until I started to realize that I was always meeting tons of people. I just wanted some ignorant nigga to holla at me.

Rule 11: Where to Find Boys
So you say fuck it…you are cute, independent and you have a huge social circle. You want to find a boy. Fact: The only kind of guys who hit on girls exclusively at clubs are boys trying to have premature sex with you…let that marinate…deal with it.

So you need to put yourself in an environment that you would want your boy to go with you. Your boy should already be there. If you like art and culture…go to the Gallery Hop, a poetry night (though you have to be careful of poets), an African drumming/dance class, something like that. If you like political savvy fellows, meet some lobbyists and go to happy hour with them. You get where this is going? You have to step outside of your usual circle in order to be around the type of person you want to meet. If you continue to hang in the same circle, of course your options will seem limited. But they never are!

GO OUT BY YOURSELF! Sit alone, and take in the experience for yourself. You may learn something. Somebody may approach you, they may not. It’s okay. Part of being independent is being comfortable by yourself. If you can’t stand to be alone with you, what makes you think a boy wants to be alone with you?

Tonight: Black Pearl Poetry with a mystery slam…TiVo Idol and come out to support live people!

Song For Today: Being A Girl by Van Hunt. I just can’t help myself!

Mama's Gun

2006-05-22T09:18:00.000-05:00

I am declaring a state of emergency. Time and time again, I must remind people the The Pink Ghetto isn’t a gossip rag. And lots of people should be glad it isn’t. However, I have some friends that are in a pretty bad situation. So, I’m glad I made the decision to expedite my Ultimate Guide to Boys Rules. I just can’t stand to see my pretty, intelligent and worthy girl friends fall victim to scrubs.

Another emergency: Memorial Day is coming up, I’m on a virgin tight budget and I need some new clothes! I’ve lost a good 20 plus pounds, and my good friend PTosh has pointed out that I have the saggy booty syndrome (SBS). This is when your pants are too big and the material kind of hangs there. I mean, I was never Buffie the Body to begin with. But it’s time to get some tighter gear.

Being the fabulously fiscal chic I am, I am on a mission with $50 to find something hot for Saturday night, the Cove’s Anniversary Invite-Only Affair and Sunday night’s special installment of Mahogany’s Soul at the Brownstone. I’m open to any suggestions, but at this point one of these nights will consist of the wife beater and jeans with mad accessories combo.

Onto the rules!

Rule 6: My Type
All women should only like one type of boy. The intelligent, responsible, charming and stable ones. Other stuff is just extra toppings. If you have a list of qualities in a boy, and those four things aren’t on the top…you aren’t serious about wanting a committed relationship.

Sure, I like personal style, wit, aggressiveness and creativity. But those four things above trump all of that. Who needs a boy who dresses like Pharrell but can’t balance a budget? Who needs a boy who’s ultra cute, but can’t keep a job? This is not about money, it’s about character.

There are tons of human characteristics that are attractive. I like boys with interesting hair, who are into art and can match me on current events. But those things are just elements of attraction. Ultimately, every woman wants someone who is smart, handles their business, who will find ways to make her feel special and can provide something constant in a world full of chaos.

Rule 7: Pussy Control
Don’t ever try to out-fuck another woman. Your vagina is not special. It feels like any other vagina out there. If your stance on getting a boy is that your pussy is better than someone else’s, you are stupid. Boys love stupid girls like you…you make unattached, freaky sex easy for them.

Sure, you can be the best fucker on this side of the Mississippi…but that’s not going to make boys want you any more. They’ll just hear about how freaky you are and want to experience it for themselves…but they won’t want you. Don’t ever let a boy tell you that you are special because your sex is better than someone else he is having sex with, or had sex with. If you said that to him, he would punch you in the face and you would deserve it.

Your pussy is powerful…but it won’t keep any man around. Neither will your cooking, the way you braid your hair, your big ole booty, your money or resources. The only thing that keeps men committed is their willingness to commit…anything else and you’re just spinning your wheels.

Rule 8: No Scrubs
T-Boz, Left Eye and Chili hit the nail on the head with this one. I don’t care what ANY boy has to say about this. If you are entertaining a fellow who doesn’t have the equivalent of what you have or the drive and potential to get it, you should cease seeing him immediately.

It’s one thing if a boy is a struggling entrepreneur who can’t take you to the Miranova every damn Friday. You’re not stuck up, so that shouldn’t matter. It’s another thing if this boy is over 25 years old and doesn’t receive an easily identifiable tax-deducted paycheck. Once again, this isn’t about money, it’s about character. This isn’t about homeboy who doesn’t have a car and is trying to make ends meet. This is about a boy who doesn’t see the importance of being responsible.

Because being a fabulously, fly girl, you wouldn’t dream of stepping out on your kids (if you have them) or living off of someone else’s spoils in order to sit at home and watch 106 &Park all day. So why entertain a boy who does the same?

This rule is simple. No scrubs, no exceptions:

“If you don’t have a car and you’re walking”

“If you live at home with your momma”

“If you have a shorty that you don’t show love”

“You want to get with me with no money”

You are a scrub. You are not Whitney Houston or Hoopz, breeze by scrubs.

Song For Today: Priest or Police by Van Hunt. This song is so clever, I swear Van Hunt is trying to impregnate me via sound waves.

Punishment and More Rules

2006-05-19T08:51:00.000-05:00

I had to punish myself last night. Because ever since I had that po boy in Cleveland, I have been craving salty, greasy stuff. My Kanye West Get Right For The Summer Workout Plan is still on full blast…I’ve still been hitting the gym and eating pretty good despite my recent Dairy Queen addiction (I’ve been a little stressed out, okay!). But after considering that there is only one week until Memorial Day weekend, and the Cove is having an exclusive party that I must wear something hot to, I had to nip this greasy food thing in the bud.

So I went to McDonald’s. And I got a Quarter Pounder meal. I knew it would make me full in that kind of way that makes you just want to throw up…but I had to do it. The cravings are gone. For now on: salads, fresh fish, fruits and veggies.

This Ultimate Guide to Boys is taking way to long to reveal. What you guys don’t know if that there are more than 20 tips that I am anxious for you to know. So, a quick vote…would you rather have five a day, or one everyday? Trust me, I’ve got tons of stuff to write about.

Somebody emailed me yesterday asking me why I am so critical of Tyra Banks, when she's supposed to be somebody I look up to. Well, in The Pink Ghetto (said like Elvis Presley), I don't talk about people I don't like. That should be real easy to see. I remember doing a post about women I had anti-crushes on...Monique, LisaRaye and Vivica Fox were on that list. Them heffas aren't ever on the my site. I talk about Tyra because I love her. It's a black thing you wouldn't understand. (Remember when people used to say that all the time? What a great answer to all life's problems!)

Shout outs to soul brotha Scott Woods…I checked out the Writer’s Block Poetry night held in the ultra pretty Columbus Music Hall. It also helped that the bartender there was really hot. But the poetry was to! Next Wednesday, due to the end of ANTM, I’ll be there for the poetry slam/decathlon. Poets will be reading…but also participating in a pie-eating contest…you’ll have to ask Scott about that one.

Okay, because you’ve been so receptive to my rules, here are two to start the weekend with…

Rule 4: So He Likes You
We already discussed in Rule 3 the characteristics of a man really feeling you. So what do you do once you’ve realized that you got a brotha jonesing like Darius Lovehall? You decide if this guy wants to have a casual or a meaningful relationship with you.

Boys really do like a lot of girls. Women are beautiful, witty and fun. And I’ve had guys like me, love me, but not want to be with me. I know that I am attractive. But I don’t get all excited just because a boy starts liking me.

Chances are, he likes a few other girls too. So it’s not about how he feels, it’s about what he is willing to invest in that feeling. He likes you…okay. He likes you, and makes plan with you on Tuesday to see you every Friday…investment! He sees you out, and whispers cute shit in your ear…okay. He sees you out, buys you and your friends drinks and calls you to make sure you got in okay (not a booty call)…investment.

This isn’t about money…it’s about character. You are fly. Boys will always like that. The ones willing to take time out their experiences to make yours more enjoyable are the only ones to entertain. Just be flattered by the other suitors.

Rule 5: Platonic Friends
Sometimes the tension between opposite sex friends is a lot like having a shaken up soda; if you’re not careful, the pressure will have fizz all over your face and your shirt. I have several male friends, and all of them are sexy. But I don’t sleep with any of them, nor do I have the urge to. Why? Because we flirt with each other.

If I see my male friend and he looks ultra hot, I tell him. Sometimes he may rub up against me in a suggestive manner or play with my hair. We may sleep in the same bed, he may touch my booty. Sometimes I tell him to touch my booty. The key to staying platonic is releasing all the damn sexual tension. It’s bound to be there between men and women. If you are free enough to flirt with each other, the possibility of having sex won’t cloud an otherwise stable relationship.

How about those Cavaliers?: I may be watching the NBA Finals tonight. Who says I'm only into lip gloss and music?

Song For Today: Lucille by Anthony Hamilton

The Ultimate Guide To Boys-Rule 3

2006-05-18T10:05:00.000-05:00

Rule 3: Oh, I Think He Likes Me

How do you know if a man likes you? He tells you. He calls you all the time. He sends you all kind of unnecessary gifts and shit you don’t need. His attempts at trying to fight off liking you is so obvious to other people that they warn him when you enter the room.

He has to consciously pick his face up when he sees you. And he’ll get to the point that the panting he does doesn’t matter because he wants you to know that he wants you. Even if he’s dating other girls, they’ll be able to tell.

Whatever this man does for a living, being art, banking, construction or NASCAR racing, he will eventually tailor his success to involving something about you. He’ll begin divulging stuff to you that embarrasses him, shows his sensitive side, stuff you could use as ammunition, but because he trusts that you never will…he’s comfortable telling you. Not “oh, baby the sun moon and stars,” shit. I mean, “I peed in the bed until I was 12” type stuff. Anything less that that is just lust.

Shorty But Goodie

2006-05-18T09:56:00.000-05:00

ANTM: Danielle won! All that is good and holy in the world has been restored! To the judges: don’t hate Jade because she has a model’s attitude. I know, I am a ride of die Jade fan. I would have liked to see Nnenna make it up to the final three…even before Jade. Tyra and Co. didn’t work with her as much as they should have. Oh, well…I hope Danielle doesn’t sink into the nether regions of ANTM post-fame.

Reviews/Interviews: Bossa Nova musician Sergio Mendes on Hip Hop, the Black Eyed Peas and staying Timeless. Reviews of the new CDs by Rapper T.I. and Smooth Jazz Flautist Althea Rene.

Tonight: Writer’s Block Poetry is battling to form their Slam Team! Check out the carnage tonight at the Columbus Music Hall on the corner of Oak and Parsons. $5 holla

After That: I may swing by Cove to see my favorite deejays at The Mixer. If you come out, make sure to ask Rich Nice whether to take the red pill or the blue pill…

The rest of the weekend: I guess there’s nothing really cool about going to the gym and Home Depot. The rest is kind of up in the air…

Song For Today: Hot Stage Lights by Van Hunt

The Ultimate Guide To Boys-Rule 2

2006-05-17T11:59:00.000-05:00

Rule 2: Flipping Out

If you don’t know the story I have about the girl flipping out over a boy we both loved, then you’ll never know it. To give you some context, my friend told me that a man will always know who truly loves him based on the way a girl flips out when he threatens to leave.

Time went on, and years later I ended up falling for this guy and he ended up threatening to leave. So I flipped out. And I meant what I said, but I decided that I wasn’t going to hold back, and I was going to show how raw and aching my love was. I turned on my Jennifer Holliday and prepared for a full-fledged flip out. Wrong move.

I don’t believe in proving myself to people, especially boys. Either you believe me or you don’t; either it’s mean to be or it ain’t. After my flip out, the level of respect this guy had for me plummeted. To keep his interest, I think he started to expect me to flip. My first and only flip out yielded disastrous results.

So don’t run down your boy, don’t chase him out the club, don’t barge into his house. Either dude really wants you or he doesn’t. Outlandish behavior is far from lady-like.

Hey, Hey, Hey! Quote of the Day

2006-05-17T08:23:00.000-05:00

"Brown v. Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem. We've got to take the neighborhood back. We've got to go in there. Just forget telling your child to go to the Peace Corps. It's right around the corner. It can't speak English. It doesn't want to speak English. I can't even talk the way these people talk. "Why you ain't where you is go, ra." ... Everybody knows how important it is to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't land a plane with 'Why you ain't ...' You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth."

--Bill Cosby quoted in USAToday. This from the same man who introduced Fat Albert, Dumb Donald and Mushmouth...

"Waba hapbin Fatba Alburtt?"

"My hebba hurt!"

"Budeep a bubba da beep my lubba. "

- Mushmouth

The Ultimate Guide To Boys-Introduction

2006-05-16T08:30:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: I am a writer who doesn’t believe in disclaimers at all and this is only the second one I’ve ever made, so listen up. The hazards of being friends with/having sex with/knowing/being interesting/being stupid around a writer is that you may be mentioned in their writing. So don’t write me/call me/run up on me complaining that I talked about you in the vaguest of terms on my site. My grandmother gets talked about. My parents get talked about. Everyone’s fair game.

Successfully dealing with boys has nothing to do with how many brothers you had or if your daddy was in your life as a child. It all has to do with being honest with yourself and knowing yourself. I know so many women who put such an importance on finding a man, keeping a man and dumping a man…life is so much more than that!

Boys are not that complex. Dating is really easy and fun. Once you are able to realize that, the rest is finding a purse to match your shirt…just go out and have a good time!

My Ultimate Guide to Boys is not just about boys. It’s about helping women find out who they before they start sharing it with other people. Some of these tips come from questions my friends ask me. Some of them come from observations from loser and winner boys. All of them are because I’m sick of seeing women dumbfounded about what to do with inaccessible boys…you ditch them!

**I don’t want to see any comments about how there is a difference between men and boys. Any person with male genitalia has always been a boy to me. That’s just what I call them.**

Over the next weeks, there will be several tips about dating, sex, flirting and overall interacting with boys. But let’s start out with the most controversial topic of all…

Rule 1: Size does matter
Size only matters to men with little dicks. The only thing women care about is whether it feels good. You could be poking me with a fetus-sized penis, but if I can feel it in my spine, I’m good. Men with little dicks are the cause of wars, poverty, unsportsman-like competitiveness, the rise of snarkiness, cheating, the demise of Hip Hop (need I go on?) because they feel inadequate and take it out on the world.

I won’t date a man with a little penis (and I can always tell) because I don’t have time for all the buttering up I have to do in order to make you feel like a big boy. Men with big dicks are arrogant, self-assured and don’t worry about competition from other men. Men with little dicks are always whining about being compared to someone else. The world would be a better place if little dicked men, stop worrying about dick size and just concentrate on pleasing women.

This is Cleveland, Sucka!

2006-05-15T06:45:00.000-05:00

I have never seen so many leather suits in this decade. However, what Cleveland is lacking in style, they make up for it with the bomb food.

I went to Cleveland Friday evening, to see the Van Hunt/Heather Headley/Anthony Hamilton tour, and I didn’t get to see much. After sitting in traffic, trying to find my tickets and missing Van Hunt (the one I wanted to see the most), this trip wasn’t stacking up to be a good one.

Cleveland looks like The Wiz was shot there. Upon driving into the city, all you see is factories, smoke stacks, tall and old buildings. There were all these closed bridges that looked perfect for easing on down. Once me and PTosh finally got into the venue around 8 p.m., we felt pretty confident that Van Hunt wouldn’t be going on until 8:15 or 8:30. I don’t know how this works, but the brotha went on before the start of the show! I mean, come on now…this is a Grammy nominated artist! Why is he going on before the start of the show?

I don’t get Heather Headley. Sure, she can sing like a mofo. From the distance I was sitting, I guess you could say she’s cute. But her songs suck. She’s on that, “I hate a nigga, but I love your ass” style of music. One minute, she’s talking about how the man never comes home and she crying…the next it’s about how much she’s in love. I’m confused and not impressed. All of the reviews I read about the show say that she could be carrying the show. Sure, if you’re into that Changing Faces, Keyshia Cole, man-hating shit. Anybody with a penis had to hate that part of the show…I don’t even have a penis, and I wasn’t feeling it.

The ala mode on top of this apple pie was at the end of her show…after introducing her band and background singers (one of whom was from Cleveland) she says, “Goodnight Columbus!” Of course, me and PTosh were just chillin…but Cleveland got pissed and started booing! There was a woman behind us, who started going off for a good 15 minutes about C-Town and she needs to recognize and whatnot. She ended up yelling, “This is Cleveland, sucka!” And I was just cracking up!

Anthony Hamilton shouldn’t dance. I mean, he should be feeling his music, but this nigga was shuckin and jiving…I think it was supposed to be break-dancing. It was not becoming. He was filling out my Wiz fantasy, dancing just like the Scarecrow. After so much of that, we said phuck it and left…

Thanks to our wonderful Cleveland chauffer, I had my share of the city’s delicacies, including a po boy (with sausage, cole slaw, french fries and BBQ sauce...it was the BOMB), some kind of Middle Eastern chicken wrap, and mass candy and coffee. After all that gorging, I ended up still losing two pounds this week…I’m a bad chick, what can I say!

I wanted to hate Cleveland, but after the bomb food we had and the extremely nice (though tackily dressed) people…I might go back.

New Series: I am going to roll out my new series called The Ultimate Guide to Boys this week, because I’m tired of you girls not having any game. I’m going to take you through boot camp this week, so be on the lookout! Tell all your girls to get ready to take some notes...

Concert reviews: Remember when I seen Jaguar Wright last week? Here’s the review of that show at Cove.

Upcoming show: Dwele and Eric Roberson, June 3 at the Southern Theatre. I want to give mad props on Dwele for stepping up his sexy. I mean, he was okay before, but he is reall coming into himself, and it’s translating into his music, attitude, look and all that…

Breakfast and Weekend Haps

2006-05-12T09:52:00.000-05:00

I had an exchange this morning that was something like the beginning of a porno movie. It went like this:

I stopped by the corner store while walking to work this morning, because I didn’t want any of the crap I had at my house for breakfast. When you are looking for a house, starting a business and trying to find a shirt to show off enough cleavage to get Van Hunt’s attention, food gets a little sparse. So I’m in this store, and of course there is granola bars, cookies and whatnot. After the grueling kickboxing class last night, there was no way I was going to get something high fat or high sugar. And there is a big pretty pile of fruit on the corner by the cash register. I let out a Napoleon Dynamite-esque “yes!”

I go to the counter, where there is a 20ish Arab man manning the money. “Those are pretty nice bananas you got there,” I say, and instantly want to recall hearing how dirty I sounded.

“Oh yeah,” says the Arab guy, as his eyebrows hunched up and down like his penis was already out of his pants behind the counter. I’ve got to figure out a way to turn this sexy off, people.

There’s been tons of new stuff going on with me. New hairstyles, new hairstyles on friends (which you would have seen in PTosh (ahem) and Donya (aHEM) would have emailed me the photos from last week’s party), new friends and new attitudes.

As you know, I’ll be in Cleveland this evening scouting both of my potential husbands. I heard Van Hunt, Heather Headley and Anthony Hamilton rocked it last night. If you’ll be in Columbus, here are a couple things you can check out:

Friday

My boy J.Rawls will be doing his thing at the new BStone Friday night jump off. Evenly spread your love for deejays around, and stop by the Cove as Krate Digga does his thing as well.

You may also want to show some love to Poet Scott Woods who will be deejaying at the Carabar (the old B Flats on Parsons Ave.), who will be opening for Doctah X's new band. If his skills on the 1s and 2s are anything like his skills on the mic...this show will be nice...Check out this site for his potential reggae-themed set list.

Saturday

I’ll be on a combination business meeting/kickin it/I accidentally asked this guy out type thing. But DJ O Sharp will be closing down the Cove as always. If you’re late, your ass might not get in.

At the King Arts Complex, a program called the Colors of Passion will feature Columbus’ hottest urban performers including Middle Child, Ed Mabrey and the Black Pearl Poets, Jimmy McGee, The Flex Crew, DJ BHB and the incomparable Nancy Wilson. Food, games and overall sexiness included. Well worth the price of admission. Check out TheUrbanStarr.com for more info…and shout outs to Dawn Dickson for her new position at KAC!

Sunday

When’s the last time you’ve been to Bernie’s Hip Hop night? I may be in there, who knows?

Song For Today: Hot Stage Lights by Van Hunt

Mood For Today: Feeling good, feeling great…feeling great, feeling good how are you?

What's That Smell?

2006-05-10T10:12:00.000-05:00

I had to hip my girl to some game last night. She’s dating a guy…with a few questionable recreational activities, and she wanted to know if she was in for a problem. “He smokes weed,” she said. “And I don’t smoke weed, so I don’t know how comfortable I am with that.”

“Well, is he a casual weed smoker or a weed head,” I asked, assuming she knew the distinction. “Umm, what’s the difference?” she questioned me back. Of course there’s a difference. It may not be noticeable, but there’s a difference. The man who’s been working at a job for 30 years could be a casual weed smoker or a weed head…either way it could be a problem for wifey at home. And it’s not that weed head cause significantly huge problems (I’ve done extensive research on the issue). It’s just that they do little, seemingly unnecessary things to enhance their love of marijuana…some folks just can’t handle it.

How To Know You’re Dating a Weed Head (this goes for men and women)

1. This person knows more about marijuana than they do about their family history. Anyone with more than a casual database of knowledge about marijuana is a weed head. If you can tell me about the humidity that it grows best in and the medical advantages of its usage…you are a weed head.

2. This person will tithe to their weed man. Meaning, this person takes their first 10 percent gross of any money they receive to buy weed.

3. This person owns more than one device to smoke week out of. A pipe is fine. Some blunts are cool. A pipe, Cuban cigars and hydrological system that extracts THC directly into your bloodstream all in one residence is a sign of a weed head.

4. This person smokes before going to work or as they wake up every morning/afternoon.

5. This person has traveled to another country that allows marijuana usage. If your new girlfriend just happened to visit Amsterdam, that’s cool. If the only reason she went is to smoke weed freely in public…she’s a weed head.

6. This person has lost a job/got kicked out of someone’s house/been arrested or had any other life altering event occur because of marijuana. It seems nearly impossible for a casual smoker to be arrested for smoking weed…a hint that this person isn’t a casual smoker.

7. This person refuses to stop smoking even though they have a debilitating disease, a new job, an infant or at their family/significant other’s request. “I can stop if I wanted to. It’s not like it’s dangerous,” is a usual quote from a weed head.

8. Regardless of what city, state, township or municipality this person is in…they can always find a weed man. If you and your sweetie are lost is Hanganigga, Arkansas and he can make friends and find a spot for you to hang a smoke weed…he’s a weed head.

9. This person has attempted to or currently does grow marijuana.

10. This person, this person’s possessions and this person’s residence smells like a combination of marijuana, patchouli incense, Febreeze and Cool Breese or some other type of over-bearing cologne/perfume always.

11. This person has recipes to cook/eat marijuana.

12. For a good time, this person tries to convince non-marijuana smoking people to smoke, just to see their reaction.

13. You’ve seen this person with at least a brick of marijuana, and you’re pretty sure they aren’t a drug dealer. If this person works at a bank, a pretty legit office and/or has a degree and has large amounts of marijuana…they are a weed head.

Bonus
If this person has dreadlocks, they are a weed head. Not to say that every person with locs are weed heads, but if the person in question has locs, they are. However…

Any white person with locs is a weed head. Not to discriminate or anything. I don’t make the rules, I just report them.

I’ve dated weed heads, and they are cool peoples. I know a man who is a college professor and a weed head like no other. I’m not saying don’t date a weed head…I just think people should know what they are getting into before they begin dating seriously. Be on the look out!

Van Hunt Interview

2006-05-08T13:11:00.000-05:00

The most exciting news of the day has to be that my Van Hunt interview has been posted on AllHipHop.com. And the fact that his people invited me to his show in Cleveland on Friday has got me pretty pumped as well. You know, I may come back to Columbus as Mrs. Hunt (in my dreams)...

Van Hunt, along with Heather Headley and Anthony Hamilton will be in Columbus at the Palace Theater this Thursday...haven't heard any news about the after party, though I'm sure it's somewhere.

I Got A House...Way Over Town

2006-05-04T10:02:00.000-05:00

Get down Donna, go ‘head get down…

Get down Donna go ‘head get down…

Well I’m sayin’ I’m a homeowner…but…well, I don’t know how to rhyme with that. The deal is done, after much negotiations, disappointments and joy…the contracts have all been accepted and I’m about three weeks away from home ownership! Yeah!

I mean, who else can say that Jackie “FreedomSuite” Stepherson and Stan “The Brooklyn Butcher” Simmons helped them to get their first home? The whole situation started out real fly, I must say.

So onto the fuss about closings, packing, moving, new hardwood floors being installed, wall colors, wanting to decorate and all the perils of owning. Once I move in I’ll show you all photos. But onto more important things…

Ding Dong Furonda’s Gone!

Now if I got an email from Furonda saying I was dissing her on The Pink Ghetto, she would have much merit! I think I feel worse for Nnena, who according to Tyra and Co. is a suckier model than this

Furonda is so extra and irrelevant. You gotta bless her heart for trying so hard. The panel called her entertaining. Chris Rock is entertaining. When people laugh with you, that’s entertainment. When people are laughing at you because you are making an ass of their culture, that’s tomfoolery. Maybe Nick Cannon will give her a job on Wildn’ Out (however you spell that).

My prediction to win: I want Jade to win...I see them trying to make a case to get rid of Joanie (the lack of personality clause). Danielle is my pick though. For being a fabulous model and having to endure Third World country health care and having to close up her beautiful gap. Phuck the drama over her accent...everybody on the damn panel has one, why can't Danielle?

As I close, I just want to give sincere thanks to all of the people who make this blog daily and required reading. You know, all a writer ever wants is for their words to be meaningful, make change, start controversy and be heard. All those hits will make me famous, and I promise to shout you out when I get my book deal. Thanks!

CD Reviews: I dissed a CD! Oh, how I hate to do that! Check out my review of Kulcha Don’s new one.

Stay Tuned: Creamy Crack updates next week with my girl PTosh’s shocking new hairdo!

Song For Today: We Major by Kanye West (Feeling better than I ever felt before today!)

Once Again: Pink Ghetto on MySpace.com...make sure to subscribe and ask to be added to my preffered viewers list...I'll be doing extra special things over there!

Single, Single, Single...Life!

2006-05-02T15:10:00.000-05:00

I swear some of the stuff that happens to me as I scout men, and the things people say, you wouldn’t believe. But, I’m going to talk about a couple guys I’ve met (shout outs to Tray) and how…colorful my life as a single girl has been…

Jake, 28
This guy has a body like 50 Cent. And I’m not even all into those beef-eatin, just out of prison-looking guys. He wears three-piece suits. He has those ill 360 waves. I haven’t dated a guy with waves since…well they were never my type. But he’s fly, so we hook up. Come to find out he has about as much personality as a brown M&M. He’s never eaten a tomato, a watermelon, thinks Jamaican food and fondue is “exotic.” Only goes to Chipotle for the “beef and cheese” and is an out of the closest metrosexual. I’m fly…but this guy had more sexy than me! My boy DYoung says it’s never good for a man to outsexy a woman…well Jake was such a waste. I seen him last week and he asked why I haven’t called him…I told him I was too busy eating tomato soup.

Daron, 26
I used to be all about this guy…until he played me for this random chick I knew. It was cool, they made a connection and an almost cute couple. And I respected the fact that two black people could find love in a world full of chaos…but does he actually expect for us to still be friends? I don’t think so. I tried to find a nice way to say “the thought of you talking to me after you kissed all over her makes me want to throw up and I hate you” in a nice way, but I figured by ignoring his calls, he’d get the point. The nerve!

Elijah, 24
He was young. Yeah, I know I’m 24…but I haven’t dated anyone under 25 in a long while. And he was a Cancer. Now I am a blubbering, indecisive, rollercoaster. But I’m a woman, and it’s sexy. Those characteristics on a man…well, I won’t stand for them! After the first week, this guy whined to me about not being able to make a connection with anybody…he was about to say phuck it and move away from it all. After I didn’t text him quick enough the next week, he told me I wasn’t being serious and maybe it wouldn’t work out at all…finally, I had to tell him I couldn’t stick my tit in his mouth every hour of the day and we called it quits…

MySpace Mike, 26
MySpace Mike is a combination of guys who swear they know me in real life, but I never ever remember them. Or it’s the guy who thinks that just because he’s cyber friends with one of my cyber friends that I’m going to holla. If the first thing you ask me is:

“How far do you live from campus?”

“What kind of panties do you wear?”

“What’s your favorite position?”

There won’t be no holla back, boy.

Karl, 25
This is the guy that is my straight up platonic friend. But sometimes, when the moon hits my eye, or I scan the room quickly, he catches my eye. And sometimes he’s kind of hot. But I get squirmish just thinking about the what ifs…as hot as he is, he’s still like a brother…ewww!

Jacob, 24
This is the guy that I would pack my bags and roll with destiny for…if he wasn’t such as asshole. Last night I’m talking to him about the house buying stress and the going back to college stress and the starting the business stress and he says, “Sounds like you’re just being a woman.” What the phuck? He ruins lots of the tender feelings I have with stuff like that, so I don’t jones for him like I once did. Plus he’s moving 3,000 miles away, so I’ve already distanced myself…

**BONUS**

Curtis, 28
Me and this guy have been having cheer sex for about a year or two...everytime I saw him he'd give me the eye and vice versa. Well, during the same week my mom gave me that nine-month rule talk...I told him about it. And we talked for hours about having a meaningful relationship and how beautiful it is loving one person. And when he left my house, he kissed my forehead and said he would call me when he got home...that was about a month ago. I haven't heard from him since! I guess just talking about the nine-month rule scared him away!

And the search continues…

Tonight: Black Pearl Poetry is having Ladies night (two dolla holla) with feature Mike McGhee and Krate Digga on the boards…

Song For Today: Aht Uh Mi Hed by Shuggie Otis

BTW: I'm posting this also on my MySpace page...I'm doing a little experiement to see if people like it over there better.

Jaguar Wright Roundup

2006-05-01T08:14:00.000-05:00

The atmosphere: The show was at the Cove, a place that makes most claustrophobics nervous, but with a little furniture rearranging, it was actually a cozy space for the intimate show (way more comfortable than a crowded Brownstone). It was kind of inconvenient having to wait until 11:30 or so for the show to start, especially on a Sunday night…but I guess that was due to circumstances out of our control.

The crowd: At first, there were plenty couples, 30 plusers and women who love to come to shows like this in droves. As the night progressed the crowed thickened out with the younger demographic. Shout outs to Daniel Moss who tore himself away from HBCUConnect.com to see the show,my girls Akilah and Morgan were in the building as well. Fellow PR girls Dawn Dickson, Niel Jurist and Rasheedah Crawley were caught getting their networking on. I haven’t seen my girl Chasity in forever…luckily she tells me she’ll be celebrating her birthday at the Cove next Friday. Shout outs to Queen Roshae as the women of Napps, Kinx & BBs had the VIP on lock. We all know how stuffy Columbus crowds can be, but when these ladies entered the room, about 10-15 deep, the whole place livened up! Shout outs to Triumph, Smiley and Naton, the photographers who were on the prowl that evening. Next time you see Naton, make sure he tells you all about the drink he made up…it is yummy!

The music: Blek was on the boards, and I could have had a conniption when he played Crazy by Gnarles Barkley and Being A Girl by Van Hunt. But I was having a rather business-like conversation, so I had to stay cool. He also added some mojo to the evening with a line-dance song or two…black folks are always receptive to line dances…

My boy Tone did a couple joints off of his new release while the audience waited for Jaguar and the crew.

The band was on point and warmed up the crowd with an Ed Mabrey-off-the-top-sound-check-rhyme that was pretty dope.

Jaguar Wright: She should change her name to Rattlesnake Wright…chick’s attitude was ferocious. It was obvious she was upset at the band for something…but it would have been nice if she could have hid that from the audience. I mean, the band was full of some hometown boys (shout outs to Attention Disorder) so Columbus could have been muy defensive. Plus, her issues don’t have nothing to do with the show. Keep it professional, treat everybody with respect and keep it movin, Jaguar! I’m doing a full review of her portion of the show for AllHipHop.com, so you’ll just have to stay posted for the music roundup.

The verdict: The show was great overall, even if it ran a little late for my taste. It would have been great to see some more local music representing as opening acts. I’m assuming the organizers didn’t expect the evening to be so long. Regardless, the turnout was great. Some of Jaguar’s real fans…that knew all the words to the songs were right up front. I think that may have been the thing to improve her stanky attitude. I’ll be way more receptive to shows at the Cove for now on, the atmosphere was comfy with great places to see the show, yet hit up the bar without disturbing lots fo people. Overall the night was great! More photos to come!

Runaway Bride

2006-04-26T12:59:00.000-05:00

I think I may be pregnant. I'm having strange food cravings, morning sickness and I'm always tired. But instead of giving birth in nine months, it may be one. Or maybe I’m getting married at the end of May and moving off to New Mexico…sans parents, best friends and Godbabies. I feel like I’m doing all of those things, but I’m buying a house. And all of those commitment phobic situations I’ve listed above are nothing compared to 30 years with a dwelling…I want a pre-nup. I want to know that if after a year…if this house isn’t the one. If my furniture doesn’t look right, or the safari feel I’m going for doesn’t mesh…or the cathedral ceiling starts to crack…I can get out and get on with my life.

I’m buying a house. And there is no babydaddy to contribute to the groceries or husband out toiling for the mortgage. Just me and PMI…and taxes. I’m scared and excited all at once. A feeling like losing your virginity, except that you know, for a fact that for the next 30 years there will be a baby…something that you have to take care of and maintenance. Wouldn’t this change your mind about having sex?

I was proposed to once. Right after high school. I said no. And even though I was madly in love with my high school boyfriend, I knew what kind of woman I would be. I am a serial monogamist. I find temporary beauty in many. The longest relationship I’ve ever had without cheating was about a year and a half. And once the loving feeling was gone, no matter how hard we both tried to rekindle it, we couldn’t. Even when I meet a guy and I can check off 99 percent of his excellent qualities, that looming one percent will always haunt me. Something better is always abound. The last guy I was serious about…I used to think ‘maybe this is as good as it gets.’ I’m kind of glad I cheated on him, though…

I’m buying this house, and it is way out of my league. It’s like dating a football player. Not for some team a girl wouldn’t recognize. But like a multi-Super Bowl winning-Dallas Cowboys-in-their-prime quarterback. Like the kind of guy your closest friends even know is out of your league. This house is so out of my league, it’s ridiculous. I’m not bragging. Because I feel real insecure about all of this. Yes, I can afford it. Yes, I do deserve it. And it’s perfect. But…

What if Elle Magazine calls and wants me on their staff or…

What if my next boyfriend moves to Los Angeles or…

What if I stumble upon a Manhattan condo for the same price as this Columbus house…

The what ifs are looming as hours count down to me putting in my first offer. I know I won’t run away. I will say yes. I will except the ring…I mean the deed. In the last couple months, I’ve made the following considerations.

1. I’d rather have a new bedroom suite than a bottle of wine every week.

2. I’d rather have clothes that are too big for me and spend my money on a fence for my new backyard.

3. Talking about taxes and painting techniques with my realtor is more fun than getting ready to go out to the club.

4. I’m the second of my friends to buy a house.

5. Of all of my degree clad friends, with great jobs…the one with the house doesn’t have a degree (they should all being shuddering at this point)

6. Owning a house is not about whether you can afford it…it’s about whether you can commit to it.

7. House hunting is too much like dating…and living in an apartment is like having a one-night stand, every day for a whole year.

I’m ready for commitment…whether I’m ready or not. Being a bachelorette has its perks…and I will still have all of those perks in the comfort of my garage and walk-in closet and upstairs washer and dryer.

Song For Today: Getting Married by Nas
"Say hello to the man, goodbye to the gigolo/It was difficult for me to find a chick I want"

The Week/End

2006-04-25T09:35:00.000-05:00

I don’t know where the weekend begins…I don’t know where the weekend ends. I will be kinda short with you guys for the next couple week for a couple reasons. First, we are having a huge event at work so the PR department is really picking up. Everybody’s busy and I’m writing tons of stuff. Secondly, I am closing in on a house and that takes up most of my evenings. So The Pink Ghetto is getting stiffed, I know, but when it’s all over I’ll have the best photos and whatnot to show you. Plus, I’ve got some big interviews and big plans for my career going down this summer. I am a busy bee. Here are some things poppin off this week…

Tonight

Black Pearl Poetry has got Sonya Renee in the building along with Krate Digga on the wheels. National Poetry Month is coming to a close, so make sure you pay homage in some form. Come early, pay a little extra ($7) and get free stuff in VIP…or pay the regular admission ($4) and slum it with everyone else…or flash your student ID and pay $2!

Don’t forget that tomorrow is the last day to vote for Albert Matthews AKA P.A. Flex’s song “Shine,” which is up for the John Lennon Songwriting Contest Song of the Year. Hear the song at P.A.’s site and VOTE HERE.

Wednesday

Stay home and watch America’s Next Top Model. If Jade goes home, I swear to promise…

Thursday

All of my favorite deejays will be in one room: O Sharp, Krate Digga and J Rawls, at the happy hour turn into 2 am party called Mixer at the Cove. If you’re into house, R&B, hip hop (old stuff…like Whoodini and The Get Fresh Crew) then you should duck your head in…drink specials, and all that will be in effect.

Scott Woods will be hosting a poetry slam for the Writer’s Block Poetry group at the Columbus Music Hall…a fine forum for poetry I might add. You can still qualify to be on the Columbus Slam Team (if you’re good, that is) and the cost is $5. Another chance to bid adieu to National Poetry Month…

Friday

J Rawls will be manning the boards at the Brownstone starting at 10 p.m...for a new night, every Friday at the BStone. The Pink Ghetto will have to be in the building to make this hot, of course...

Say Happy Birthday to Middle Child at the Cove as well…if you don’t know Middle, then I don’t think you can get in! The guest list is up at the Cove’s new and fabulous website. So if you can’t make it…

Saturday

Check out Middle as she performs at the City Center Mall at 2 p.m. I haven’t seen my girl perform in a while, so I’ll be in the building.

Sunday

Jaguar Wright will be at the Cove, starting at 8 p.m. (this isn’t a regular club night, people) Tickets are $15 at the door, $10 advance…so call 614-207-6346 to save yourself some doe…don’t front, you know I’ll be calling…

If you still can’t find anything to do after all of this activity, I don’t know what to tell you. Hope to talk to you in the near future…

EMInk Biatch!

2006-04-23T22:05:00.000-05:00

Okay to be honest...there were so many people in the building...and the show was so hot...that I didn't get to take as many pictures as I wanted to. I was excited okay! Reason enough for you to come out to the enxt Elevator Music show to see it all for yourself. Oldfield's was packed and everybody had a good time...

Co-City and PA Flex rockin the mic...

This photo is via PTosh...The 3rd is focused while rhymin on stage...

2006-04-23T22:01:00.000-05:00

Me with my good friend David, while we listen to Rashad croon with the Musical Masters...

3rd rapper Co-City bustin a groove..

PTosh and me looking at pictures while getting pictures taken...we're going to put this one on our album cover...

2006-04-23T21:56:00.000-05:00

J.Dave, the photographer, posing for a photooutside fo Oldfield's

SugaRay showing off his baby mowhawk...what he likes the call the "shark fin"

It's a wrap! The show was great...but I was tired by the end of the night. One...last..picture..before...I....fall...asl....

Gap or No Gap?

2006-04-20T14:00:00.000-05:00

I was watching ANTM last night…texting Jessica who was in class and needed updates. When Tyra Banks said something kind of disturbing to me. There’s a contestant named Danielle, who has a gap in her teeth. Not a huge gap…no ‘next tooth three mile’ signs. Just a noticeable gap that has not hindered any of her photos so far. (I would say Danielle is one of the front-runners).

So Tyra sends all the girls to get their teeth whitened and whatnot, and the dentist wants to close up Danielle’s gap. She says no. Tyra says, “Do you think you can be a Cover Girl with a gap?” Danielle says, “Why not?”

I don’t have a gap. But I don’t think there is anything wrong with Danielle’s. It is a part of her individuality, probably something that took years for her to accept. And now Tyra wants her to close it up?

Don’t these image and fashion forward folks know that in African cultures gaps are considered beautiful…dare I say sexy. In America, Black people with gaps are finally coming to a place of acceptance after years of looking at their teeth as an imperfection.

Do you think someone told Queen Latifah, “Do you think you can be a Cover Girl being overweight…or a rapper?” Do you think somebody told Tyra, “Do you think you can be a Cover Girl with that big forehead?” Or being Black? Or having a mole like Cindy Crawford?

I would think Tyra would be a little more culturally sensitive to the matter. I mean, maybe something cosmetic like a gap isn’t a good look in modeling. But she could have at least mentioned the cultural significance. Are gaps (like moles) accepted in the mainstream? And if not, then why not?

And while I’m barking about Tyra (a chica I absolutely adore, by the way), she is being way harsh toward Jade. Lots of people don’t like Jade, but what more can she do? The judges think she’s fake? Being a model is being an actress…so does that mean she’s the second worse one of the lot? Not when she’s winning challenges. Get down Jade, go head get down. You are doing your thing girl!

Song For Today: Yes Sir by Jerreau (check it out at his MySpace page)

CD Review: Of Dialated Peoples' new joint...check it out!

Tonight: Duh! I’ll be at Oldfield’s on High getting my “Shine” on with the mucho talented Elevator Music crew (see more details below).

My Horoscope For Today:
There is apt to be a powerful aggression to the day that may leave you feeling like you want to declare war on everyone you meet, Donna. You may get the feeling that everyone else is completely off their rocker and that you are the only one who really knows what is going on. Be aware of misinformed people and false information. Wars could erupt over facts that seem true at first but are actually just someone's misguided dreams. (say word)

Today is 4/20

2006-04-19T21:11:00.000-05:00

Shhhh...be vewy, vewy qwiet. I had to wait until i got home from work to tell you this. By the time you read this...it'll be 4/20. What is 4/20 you may ask? Some people say it's some secret code for marijuana , the best time to grow it the best time to smoke it...the best time to grow it...Did I say that twice? My bad...Hitler was born on this day...so were the Columbine murders. Of all the myths behind this special day in a weed smoker's year, all I know for sure is...

Elevator Music will be doing their thing tonight at Oldfied's on High starting around 10ish. The best live Hip Hop show in the city will be tonight. And I've been excited for weeks. I may pass on the dro...but not on the show! i got $5 on it...that's all it costs to get in!

Check the flyer for more details...

Peep some of the artists performing on MySpace:

Rashad
http://www.myspace.com/elevatormusic

P.A. Flex
http://www.myspace.com/paflex

Jerreau
http://www.myspace.com/jerreau

The 3rd
http://www.myspace.com/the3rd

House Music

2006-04-19T08:23:00.000-05:00

No, I’m not talking about the booty shaking sounds that my boy Rich Nice is so good at dancing to. I’m talking about the thumping music at 5am you hear in your apartment coming from your next-door neighbors that reaffirms your interest in buying a house. Imagine with me if you will…

Your good friend Donna is fast asleep, dreaming of belly button rings, lip gloss, sexy men and all of the other things she thinks about. All of the sudden, she hears banging on her bedroom window. Her neighbor has gone beserk! Is something on fire? Has someone just died? Who cares? It’s 5am and Donna has to be up at 7am. If I knew this was going to happen, I wouldn’t have stayed up to watch Robot Chicken last night.

After about an hour worth of tirade from my drunken, crazy neighbor…it was about 6am. So I got up. No use of trying to salvage a good night’s sleep. This is was confirmation like a mofo that moving into a house is on my way. Where's the burly boyfriend or psycho brother I so desperately need? So at work, I’m sipping on some pretty bad coffee…trying to keep sleepy dust out of my eyes…trying to stay awake. This is going to be a long damn day.

100 Unsexiest Men: And Flavor Flav isn’t one of them?

Song For Today: In My Head by No Doubt

AI Prediction: Kelly Pickler or Ace will go home...if there is any justice in this crazy world.

Poems!

2006-04-18T10:15:00.000-05:00

In honor of National Poetry Month, I want to post a poem. I started out writing as a poet, and finessed my love for words into a pretty bitchin' writing career (if I should say so myself). I don't usually share my poems...for all of those reasons that poets say they don't share their poems. But I'm just feeling ultra-giving today. I just wrote this one this morning...enjoy!

Mid-April Love

Songs of summer love are anxious to resonate
But not by me
Because what I feel
Is not conjured by some drum
Not beckoned by some slow groove
It’s no long, lazy stare
With feelings high like cherry blossoms on a newly
Spring tree that grazes the sky
It’s not that high or that fluttery
No butterflies in bellies no overwhelmingly sweaty
Palms when he says my name
No preliminary games to test my faith
Just his clear eyes on my
Unaltered face
Telling me that any mask I used to hide behind
Or corset I used to stuff
Or embellishment I used to dress up
Any of the mistakes and mishaps
In my history books
Didn’t matter at all

His sincerity was sturdy like a wall
I reached to touch his honesty and felt
Like I might fall through
What I love is the feeling of calm
He evokes and the temper tantrums he
Never strokes
His love settles slow in the crevices of my
Uneasiness
He makes my queasiness
Nonexistent like saltines
His laugh is like green tea
And I cannot gulp or toss back any of the
Flavors he gives to me
Once allergic to his advances
And stuffed up by enchanted chances
Made asthmatic by what could be
Now
All I can do is breathe
All I can do is breathe

The Gift and the Curse

2006-04-13T10:41:00.000-05:00

Of course it would happened like this. Spring is here, everything’s anew. And niggas are falling off like fall leaves. I have a friend that is really unhappy with me, I don’t know if he reads my blog or not. All I know is:

I don’t like to do lots of ‘splaining
I don’t feel I should do lots of ‘splaining
I’m in too good of a mood today to ‘splain

People are spring cleaning me out! Isn't this insane?! The critic circling around in my head is hammering, “well, maybe you’re the reason why all these people are pissed at you.” Possibly by being inactive and removing myself, I’ve come off disloyal. No, I can’t come to all of your parties, and call you for hours on end. No, I can’t globetrot to see everybody and party like it’s my birthday every weekend. I’m buying a house. I’m starting a company. I’m getting in shape. Where was all ya’ll concerned niggas when I was broke, in debt and getting fat? This same thing happened when I was in college, trying to get my shit together and graduate…all the party people were pissed that they didn’t have somebody to chip in on rounds and act a fool. I don’t have a crew mentality anymore. Donna gotta do what Donna gotta do. Please, don’t be mad at me because I have to do a lot of shit to get myself together. A Lot. I’m more phucked up than you. It’ll take more work.

Kimora Lee says be nice 99 percent of the time, and that one percent of time that you have to be a bitch, own it...I'm owning it this week.

On to cheerier things: I’m seeing a lot of sandals, sundresses and bare legs in the city which means that it’s hot outside. And though one shouldn’t have to, one must give guidelines to this awkward season in Ohio weather I like to call Sprinter (Spring + Winter)

White pants
Not okay. I stay with the Memorial Day rule…Now, you can pull out your pastels…hell, even a white jacket. But keep your white pants folded up until that first picnic. Which brings me to…

BBQs
Now, my friend Reu is from the south, and will BBQ on any day that the rain or snow doesn’t threaten to put the charcoal out. Last weekend, it was a good 32 degrees, and I had three non-connected friends tell me they were going to cookouts. If it isn’t at least 60 degrees in the nighttime, I say no to a BBQ.

Toes
Ladies, toes! I don’t want to see them unless they are pedicured. All that winter crust is still there regardless of your red polish. I would rather see a naked toe nail bed than a crusty heel. The 60 degree rule applies to this one as well…

Pits, Legs, ect.
My boy Naton had to call me out on this one…if it’s hot enough to be without a coat…it’s time to shave. Now, I hate shaving. I’d rather wax. But since I can’t exactly get wax on some of the places that need it by myself, a razor won’t hurt. From now until October, it’s time to clean it all up.

Tonight: Apply all of those rules and check out Remix Thursdays at Cove with DJ Ororo, DJ Sparrow and DJ Krate Digga and DJ O Sharp…from 6pm until 2am bitches! I heard last week that they were partying like it was a Saturday.

Song For Today: Superheroes by Esthero (I'm not what I used to be...)

My Horoscope for Today: You may not realize just how truly entertaining the sound of vowels and syllables rolling off the tongue can be (trust me, I do more than anyone), and how much they can improve yourlove life. You don't need to lay a finger on your sugar honey to get them inthe right mood - you just need to talk them into submission.

Have a great weekend, don’t OD on boiled eggs and remember a man in a bunny suit has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus’ ressurection…

Queen For A Day

2006-04-12T08:46:00.000-05:00

Boy, am I tired this morning. A pilates class last night, coupled with an hour of Queen renditions on American Idol and restlessness right before bedtime adds to Donna, sleepy in the morning. Pilates always makes me want to throw up, puts me in utter pain and I’m always tired as hell afterwards. Am I doing something wrong, or is my core just out of shape?

I just have a couple of things to say about AI (I promise this won’t become a blog all about Simon n’nem)

1. Doesn’t Taylor Hicks look like Bill Clinton?

2. And Paris like an old-school Janet Jackson (which was fab to me)?
3. And how unattractive is Elliot Yamin? His name sounds like something a rapper would say. (I’m keeping it real, Yamin?)
4. Ace singing We Will Rock You is comparable to Justin Timberlake singing with Aerosmith at the Super Bowl a couple years ago.
5. What rapper is going to be first to sample Fat Bottomed Girls?

Fantasia was in the audience, an Idol I love but…being in the audience isn’t a good look career-wise. I’ve had her CD since it came out, and for some reason today, I’m listening to it for the first time. After Summertime, I’m going back to J Rawls. Baby Mamas is next...damn!

I couldn't imagine Man-tasia...I mean Mandisa singing any Queen songs. Their songs are awesomely constructed, so it takes a true personality to tackle them. Not that she doesn't have one...but what would she sing? And why didn't anybody sing Another One Bites the Dust?

My prediction on who should go home BUCKY. And while we’re on Bucky…please don’t tell me his momma named him Bucky. I know I’ve been the name police lately, but by just changing the first letter in his name, I can come up with about a dozen offensive names for this cat. The Jessica Simpson/messy Johnny Depp look isn’t hot either.

Okay, so it looks like this will be a reality show post. Sue me, fuck you.

In defense of Jade on ANTM, it seems like the producers are splicing some of her comments to make her seem eviler than she is. Now, the bitch is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. However, last week when she was discussing how love can make you distracted, then the camera cuts to her advising Nnena to stay with her man…you know that doesn’t mean Jade is being conniving. She could have said that before or afterwards. I see them trying to make a connection that just isn’t there.

If I were on ANTM, I would probably be like Jade, wacky, overly-confident, though fly (but not a drag-queenish, that’s for sure). I would probably set a skunk lose in Furonda’s hair weave too, but that’s for another day.

Thursday evening through Tuesday: I’m on vacation bitches! I’ll be out of commission so tomorrow is the last post of the week.

Finally: Creamy Crack updates. Check out some of my recent hairstyles.

Song For Today: I Can’t Help It by Michael Jackson. So sexy! Thanks to Krate for encouraging me to dig out my Off The Wall CD.

Waiting to Exhale...Or Scream...Or Cum

2006-04-11T08:38:00.000-05:00

The Pink Ghetto’s male correspondent, Ernest, was a little concerned after I half-assed claimed celibacy last week. Some advice soon followed...

There is a big trend these days with more and more people trying to abstain from sex and/or become celibate. Most who are doing it are in their late teens to mid/late twenties. Now this trend has been linked to a lot of things such as:

-concerns for STDs such as AIDS

-the rapid growth of the 'outer' gay and lesbian community. This means those who do not claim to be gay or lesbian in their lifestyle but are having same sex sexual affairs and chalking it up to either curiosity or experimentation. (A lot of gay and lesbian folks call these types of people "tourists" since they are not ascribing to a lifestyle choice but one of sexual fulfillment)

-the increase in youth in religious beliefs. (supporting a faith)

-the increased maturity and rapid emotional and physical (and therefore sexual) growth in youth in this current generation. This leads to self awareness faster, quicker and seemingly more meaningful relationships sooner, and therefore sex happens sooner or seems to carry more emotional content for those having it, so therefore when the relationship (and subsequently the sex) ends, the emotional letdown which comes over as heartbreak leads to a more introspective person earlier in the maturation process.

Now all of this is fine and good on quite a few levels. One of the problems however, is that once you are no longer a virgin, you can't go back. No matter how great or horrible the experience was, you have had sex with someone and that knowledge is key in future relationships and how you will act.

In discussions such as these, it is always important to gauge where you are in your life and what role if any does sex play in it.

-You’ve had sex
-You liked sex
-You want more sex
-You want to wait till it is 'right' the next time

Some of those things are wise and some of them you simply will never ever know for sure.

Example- Put your self in this situation. You, for whatever reason, decide to become celibate. Years go by and you are tempted, but you wait. After some time, you even give up masturbation just to make sure you are fully ready for that special someone.

You meet them, and things go well. This person respects your wishes and the two of you grow in every way but sexually. You finally decide to go all the way in your now fully committed relationship.

You have your big night of re-releasing your virginity.
And it sucks.
Bad.
It is horrible and you are unsure if it will ever get better.
Or you can flip this scenario and say your partner does not enjoy themselves one bit with you.
You can't do it for them in the bedroom.

Now what?

This is but one thing to think on when determining your true desires to hold off on something you like. If you hold out due to social views of promiscuity, then you are a fool who is moved by only social standards and have no view of yourself that is not spoon-fed to you.

If you hold out because you are unable to or find yourself mixing sex with emotions to begin with, then removing sex won't fix the problem, though it will appear to do so simply because while not focusing on sex in your life you will find other things to fill in that gap and therefore grow as a person, which is what you should have been doing in the first place.

In the end, we all should be virgins until marriage and then it has to be great since there is nothing to compare it with. But once you have laid down with someone, even if you do not want to remember, your body has recorded everything that happened, every place that was touched, all of it, and it never, ever forgets. (if you don't think so then ask anyone who has been raped or molested if they have sensitive zones on their body now.)

If you have had sex and choose to stop having it for a period of time, be frank with yourself as to WHY you feel the need to pause that part of your life. It is no different than eliminating a food, a vice, drug, alcohol, sports, anything else. You must know why you need to stay away from this thing in order to truly gain a grasp and be in CONTROL of the thing you wish to hold off on.

Notes from the editor...

Tonight: Black Pearl Poetry with Krate Digga on the boards...this guy gets around the club scene more than 2Pac, if you haven't noticed. AKAs and Alphas get something special, so show up in droves.

Random Shout Out

2006-04-11T08:26:00.000-05:00

I'm the type of person who opens emails and read them...but not always for comprehension. I miss a lot of stuff, okay! Came across this photo from a couple Fridays ago and just wanted to give a random shout out to the party people! From left to right: Jessica, Veronica, Cinnamon, Donna and Jada leaning down in the front.

Houses and Sex Boots

2006-04-10T09:31:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning really confrontational. Jay-Z Takeover lines swirling in my head and all. I’m trying to smoke out a rat. See, I’m feeling like Lindsay Lohan or something, because people have been spreading rumors about me. The Pink Ghetto isn’t a Columbus gossip rag (though it could be) and me being a journalist and all, I don’t take kindly to unsighted sources. So, I listened to T.I.’s new CD King to work this morning, a good one for boxers and basketball teams I’m sure. Got me real excited and confident. And for someone who isn’t really into Hip Hop (Southern Hip Hop at that), I think T.I.’s newest is pretty hot. As far as the gossip columnists are concerned…that situation is dead to me. I’ll just go on continuing to be fabulous. And that’s all I have to say about that.

From all of the things I experienced this weekend, I probably grew an inch or got a year older. If it wasn’t the sex boots and fetish corsets, it was the first time at house hunting, and really wrapping my mind around the fact that I am about the make a multi-thousand dollar investment. Stepping foot in my first potential home made me feel real grown up. No more frat boy neighbors, no more Indian cuisine smells leaking into my home. No more loud-wall banging sex (was that them or me?), no more walking a half a mile to the trash can. The most life-altering thing: a garage. Yes! No more hands turning red from trying to carry all of my groceries up three flights of stairs, almost falling because I have to lock my car doors and open my house door and make the trip twice more. No more getting up early to scrape my car in the inclement weather. Maybe…finally…my car can shine and stay somewhat clean.

Houses have beds out front for flowers and spots in the back for gardens. Shade for a swing…even a grassy plain across the street for me and my boyfriend, I told my realtor, Jackie, who looked at me like “girl, you ain’t got a boyfriend.” I’m working on it. Most importantly I’m working being committed. My friend Jessica says to me, all the time when making a decision about a boy or a new shirt, “You better commit to that.” And I noticed I was treating this whole idea of a house like a relationship. Getting all excited about the possibility and not about the work behind it. But after walking into different houses, I am envisioning myself coming home to my home. Painting walls and having more than one room to store my stuff. And it being mine. Wow. I can’t wait to go house hunting again.

Oh, I’m sure you want to know about the sex boots and fetish corsets too. Went to The Chamber on N. High St., which distinguishes itself as Columbus' only fetish store. I am a vanilla freak compared to the nasty, kinky stuff other people are into. And seeing the pain and blood on some of the chicks on the back of the fetish store porn, boy, that was the best birth control a girl can have. I thought my little box of goodies was freaky…nothing like the G-Swing and leather whips at The Chamber. The corsets were hot though…but at $400+, I think I’ll stick to the house payments. At $70, the sex boots were a steal though!

New things are arriving beautifully and old things past away this weekend. All is for productivity and that’s all that counts. I’m really for another brilliant, exciting and sunny week!

Congrats to me: AllHipHop.com’s newest Senior Writer! Yeah!

Song For Today: What You Know? by T.I. (This song is my new anthem…the lyrics just remind me of me!)

“You know about me dog/Don’t talk about me dog/And if you got me dog/You better out me dog”

I Know You Seen Me On The Video...

2006-04-07T08:49:00.000-05:00

I always want any opportunity to talk about sexy people...

Black Dudes I Crush On
Michael Ealy (those eyes)
Andre 3000 (leather in the summer, silk in the winter)
Pharrell
Maxwell
Van Hunt (just interviewed him and he was CrazySexyCool)

Black Dudes I Anti-Crush On
Flavor Flav
50 Cent (matter of fact, the whole G Unit) (matter of fact all of Shady/Aftermath)
Cam'ron and the Dipset
Kanye West (his style is a little too fem for me)
Jamie Foxx

White Dudes (like we don’t know the answers to these already)
John Mayer
Clive Owen
Thicke
Nigel Barker
Jamie Cullen

Older Dudes (can’t really think of any…suggestions?)

First Ever Celebrity Crush
Chris (the one in the red) from Another Bad Creation (he had the hottest lips, yo)

Girl Crushes (I Love Glamazons!)
Beyonce
Tyra Banks
Kimora Lee Simmons
Natalie Portman
Buffie the Body

Girl Anti-Crushes
Vivica Fox (there’s nothing I can’t stand more than Vivica)
Mo’Nique
LisaRaye
Fergie from Black Eyed Peas
Furonda! (just had to mention her again!)

Roadtrip: I will be going to Dayton, hollering at some Central State students about being a writer and whatnot. I’ve always secretly wanted to go there! Anyways, it’ll be slow motion for me this weekend, so catch you on the flip side.

But I do plan on: Hollering at Krate Digga tonight at the Cove, watching Alfie, getting some eyebrow servicing, washing clothes and hair…and who knows what else!

Song For Today: Portuguese Love by Teenie Marie (say you love me, say you love me, say-you-love-me-ba-by!)

Holla, holla, holla!

I'm Sweetie!

2006-04-06T21:21:00.000-05:00

Which Flavor of Love are you?

Sweetie aka Tika
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Here's the Reality: Your Name Sucks!

2006-04-06T08:29:00.000-05:00

First the Fugees gonna break up, Ike and Tina Turner split up and I get gotta wake up to more bullshit. Now granted I haven’t been into American Idol like I had been in the past, but I had to sit up this week and pay attention. Because the best singer in the competition, Mandisa, was kicked off last night.

In her favor, it was country night and the show seemed to be designing itself around not picking a soul singer this year (50s night, country night and Queen night next week?). Some people want to say it was her size that polarized voters, maybe her many mentions of religion. But I have another theory. She has a drag queen name.

Not a ghetto name, definitely a black name, utterly a drag queen name. I don’t know what Momma Mandisa was thinking when she named her daughter after a character in To Wong Foo. Mandisa already sounds like the name of some underwater mammal. And to be big boned, well it’s just not a good look. Nobody wants to hear the name Mandisa for the next 10 years, especially pairing it with no last name makes it seem like a seven foot tall man with red lips and sequins. Especially after fans nicknamed her Man-Diva. Come on…Man…Diva…drag queen.

The key to winning American Idol is to not get typecast into a diva. Because divas are sideshows, not pop princesses. Fantasia (another black name, not necessarily a bad name) (okay, it’s a bad name too, but all black names aren’t bad names) won because of her quirky personality. She sung a Queen song on big band night. She could sing anything, belting high notes, simmering on cool notes. Mandisa sung big like “It’s Raining Men” all the time. Nobody could see her being anything more than a big man diva singing gospel and thundering tones. That’s not pop music. She’s a great singer and will probably have a career full of gospel plays are in her future. But if she wants to be a pop star, she should change her name to Carmen or Jennifer…maybe develop a last name…and stop wearing all that damn weave! Look a little more natural and less like you’re hiding snausages in your pants.

And while we are on the topic of horrible names:

FURONDA, FURONDA FURONDA!

With a name like Furonda, you could look like Vanessa Williams and still be ugly. Because Furonda has a name like Furonda it makes her uglier that she already is. Guys, imagine if you will:

You’re boy has a pretty girlfriend who wants to set you up on a blind date. You ask what she looks like (of course). She says, long hair, very tall, hey, she was on America’s Next Top Model. You instantly stiffen up at the possibility of crushing lemons with a girl who touched Tyra Banks. Then you ask, well, what’s her name. FURONDA. You get softer than bread dough. Fantasy’s over. To be fair to Furonda, here's a picture of her that she doesn't look so much like a space alient ant....

Some things Furonda sounds like besides America's Next Top Model:
1. A mushroom (Are those shitakes or Furondas?)
2. LaFawnduh’s little sister
3. A porch or balcony (I’m gonna go sit on the Furonda)
4. A hooptie (Girl, he drives a Ford Furonda)
5. An ointment (Just put some Furonda on it, that should clear that up)
6. An African country (Hotel Furonda)

Who Says You Can’t Find God in Isaac Hayes and the Elliptical Machine

2006-04-05T08:15:00.000-05:00

Who says you can’t find God in Isaac Hayes and the elliptical machine? My mom* for one. She religiously attends our church every Sunday morning, and noticing my close to a year absence, she periodically asks me, “Well, are you going to church this morning?”

*By now you must imagine my mom as this conservative nutcase, but trust me she’s absolutely adorable and we laugh about this stuff all the time. I may not be the craziest one in the family, but I’m a serious contender. *

My answer used to be just straight up “no.” Now, it’s “No, I’m going to the gym.” Yes, I haul ass to the gym at 10:30 a.m. every Sunday to partake in Huny’s step class, or to pump away on the elliptical machine. Sure, it’s not the foot-stomping, hand-clapping time I would get at my church. But, I think, it’s just as good for my soul.

Because when I’m climbing to the peak of physical forgiveness, with “Walk On By” building to a release on my MP3 player, something beautiful happens. Drowning in Isaac’s sadness while overcoming my own helps me breathe harder. Listening to the haunting “walk on” his chorus demands over the classic stutter beat gives me some kind of confidence. And as his coolness crashes mid-song, and Black Moses comes down from that mountaintop of his soul commanding only that he be left alone with his teardrops when she said goodbye...I feel for him. And for myself. Because I’ve been there, having to tell a person to get out of my life, the person I want there the most. I know I’m chasing away some kind of enemy…if not the devil himself.

Maybe a couple hamstring curls and some crunches are really good for my soul. Because let’s face it, I haven’t been treating my body as a temple. Yeah, I try to eat well, and I probably eat better than many people I know. But I’m not perfect. And even though I am a human, which gives me the wiggle room to make mistakes. I will still be accountable for my actions, maybe not murder or theft…but drinking too much in college or eating too many servings on mac n’ cheese at Thanksgiving. God forgives, but those jeans in my closet don’t.

And I must repent for this. And we all know repentance is not just saying the words…it’s changing your life to be a better person. So on Sunday mornings, I get together with some women and we try to atone for the abuse we’ve subjected our bodies to because of sloth and greed. Some people are there just for the maintenance. One day, I’ll be there for the maintenance. But on Sundays, I’m there to get myself under control.

Church is not the only place you find God. Sometimes, people expect God when they get there and are surprised when He’s not. To each is own, and wherever you find happiness is where you should be. But I get a little salvation on Sunday mornings, dressed in my Sunday best of red Cincinnati Bearcats sweat pants and an HBCUConnect.com T-shirt. Sometimes it’s Isaac Hayes’ deep sadness and interpretation of words that moves me to be a better person. Sometimes it’s Huny’s annoyingly slim waistline. And sometimes it’s the lady who says “girl, you are looking good!” after I pigged out on Cuban food the week before. But on Sundays, I feel the breakthrough, I feel the salvation and I feel blessed after leaving the gym.

My First Sex Talk

2006-04-04T08:22:00.000-05:00

Could be an organ donor
The way I give up my heart
---Happy Valentine’s Day, Andre 3000

The other day, I called my mom when I got off of work. This isn’t the abnormal part of the story. I often call my mom when I get off of work. Well after trading pleasantries and evil coworker rants, she says, “There’s something I should have talked to you and your sister about a long time ago?” My mind began to wonder…is my dad really my uncle? Am I adopted?

“Okay,” I said reluctantly, considering that I could dodge this conversation, hang up and blame it on bad cell phone reception.

“It’s the nine month rule,” says a woman, who never in my long legged life, has ever said anything about sex to me outside of what happened on The Young and the Restless or the Flavor of Love. The only sex talk I had with her growing up was on prom night, even though I was going with a platonic friend. “You be careful and watch yourself” was all she said.

“Excuse me?” I had to ask for clarification. Because I just knew she wasn’t talking about what I thought she was talking about.

“Well, I don’t know who you are intimate with, but it seems like you talk to a lot of guys,” my mom said. Things look that lucrative on the outside, but a nigga is dry as a well, was what I was thinking.

“I just have lots of male friends,” I said.

She goes on to tell me that, from experience, she knows that one can have a more meaningful relationship when they wait nine months before they get physical. Telling a man upfront, my mom philosophizes, can weed out the booty hounds from the for real, genuine, upstanding, brothers. She doesn’t think I date enough of those kinds.

“You really can’t know somebody for nine months, until they show you all of their ugliness and stop putting on heirs.”

Right.

“And if they turn out to be a jerk, then you haven’t given up anything in the process.”

True.

“Your body is precious and like MTV says, when you sleep with somebody, you’re sleeping with everybody they slept with.”

Ewww.

After about 20 or so minutes of this conversation, me and my mommy hung up, and I called my best friend PTosh.

I asked her how long she waited to sleep with her husband when they first started dating. She gave me a respectable answer. Then she asked, “Well, what counts as sex?”

“So how long should I wait?” I asked her knowing that she knows me better than my mom, knows my weaknesses and my will power.

“Really…like a year,” she says, I gasp. “Ultimately, until marriage.” OMG, I think I’m going to faint.

After much discussion and debate, we decided:

1. Oral sex and intercourse are the same in many ways and different in many ways.

2. My mom is right.

3. But after one has dipped her toes in the fountain of man, one must modify the nine month rule.

“Nine months is a long time!” PTosh says in her normally, excited voice. “But you would cut out a lot of crap!”

So the question for the day is: how long should one wait to have sex with someone? A set period of time or as soon as they get the urge? And if a woman decides to wait, say, nine months, should she tell her potential…or just let him wait for an undisclosed amount of time?

Song For Today: Obstacles by Eric Roberson

Tonight: Ladies night ($2 admission) at Black Pearl Poetry...Sorority girls get a special sumthin from the host!

Birthday shout outs: GO Krate Digga! It's your birthday! Get busy! Get busy!

You Can't Always Get What You Want

2006-04-03T11:30:00.000-05:00

The best part of this weekend was that Friday was gone…boy was that a fuckin’ bad day! I went to get my eyebrows waxed, and my waxer treats me like a boy who knows he has good dick…the service is so so bad, but the outcome is so so good. And every time I go, I vow to never go again. But then I start looking in my mirror, and next thing you know I’m in the chair laying back and getting hair pulled off my face. Well, I was P-I-ssed that I couldn’t get my eyebrows done…Anyone in Columbus who knows a good eyebrow waxer, PLEASE let me know.

To make a long story short, I squeezed in some after the gym shopping (not trying on anything because I was sweaty) got the clothes home and all of them were too big. Was trying to make it to my girl Jessica’s Jammy Jam, so I put on a throwback shirt my boy Ray made for me and headed to the Cove.

I had to get a drink as soon as I walked in because I would have punched somebody if they got rank with me. The party was cool, despite me being hangry all day.

I watched Closer this weekend, which I thought was a smart love story. I couldn’t figure out which character I related to the most…the conniving Anna…the young, heartbreaker Alice…or the sappy writer Dan. Great movie, plan on watching it over and over like Nelly and Tim McGraw.

I also caught the Flavor of Love Reunion…uhhh, not so much. It was very staged and all the girls looked gross (except for Goldie). New York was funny as hell, she’s the one who should pursue the comedy career. She said something to the effect of:

“I’ve been on pause all this time, and I’m about to press play in a minute!”

Ha! And though I am adamantly against Negroes showing their color on TV, Pumkin deserved to get her ass chased around the set Jerry Springer style. Punk ass. If somebody spit in my face, I would do the same thing!

Hoopz is wack, and if I were NY I would have laughed in his face for chasing that pot of gold…like Flav could really hit that.

Some Happenings: Tomorrow is a huge night at Black Pearl Poetry. Marc Bamuthi Joseph will be in the building to preview his show, When Words Become Flesh that will be at the King Arts Complex this weekend. He has this spoken word/dancer thing going on that should be awesome up close.

If this isn’t enough incentive, it is also ladies night, where ladies get in half off…and Sorority Night so all of you AKAs, Deltas, SGRhos, umm…all of you sorority girls come out and get your discounted admission on. I know for a fact a couple of ya’ll read my blog, so rally your troops and come out Tuesday night.

Promise: Creamy Crack updates tonight…after my Van Hunt interview…ooowee!

Song For Today: You Can’t Turn Me Away, Sylvia Stripling…for a boy who has me jonesing for real!

The Flavor That Never Stops

2006-03-31T14:27:00.000-05:00

I couldn't go into my weekend without reminding ya'll that the Flavor of Love reunion show is airing this Sunday. It was supposed to air last week, but for whatever reason it was moved back a week.

And for all of you single ladies that feel bad for Flav for being dumped (again), the show is casting for Season 2 already!

Check out this article the Detroit Free Press did on Hoopz today.

Say It Ain't So!

2006-03-31T12:29:00.000-05:00

After a seven year marriage, Kimora Lee and Russell Simmons have split! But they still live and work together...how does that work?

This Weekend

2006-03-31T09:39:00.000-05:00

Wash your rides and pull out your shades because spring is here and this weekend is full of fun stuff to get into. Yeah, so I’ve been kind of secluded lately. But if you know where the hotspots are in Columbus, you will mos def get a glimpse of Donna.

Had the most fabulous Cuban dinner at Starliner Diner last night. It was on the west side of Columbus, and for the Columbus people, they know that's like another city. But boy, it was worth the ride. Had tortilla encrusted salmon, sweet potato french fries and the bomb southwestern veggies. Whoever wants to make tracks out west to got here again, I'm down. Anyways, back to the weekend plans...

Friday

My girl Jessica will be celebrating her “Supple 26” as Krate Digga calls it. Make sure you by her a shot of Patron tonight at the Cove, where it’s going down all night long. Shout outs to DJ BHB who will be rockin the boards in Krate’s absence.

Saturday

Gallery Hop bitches! Not only will the galleries be packed with art, culture, wine and other goodies, but my man J Rawls will be spinning at the High Five Bar.

And for those who like to see poets sweat, make sure you stop by the Acme Art Co. (tucked between High St. and 5th Ave.) where Scott Woods will be attempting a 24 hour poetry reading starting Saturday night and ending Sunday night. I’ve already sent him all of the feminist poetry I could find for him to read, let’s see how much he actually does read. For more on this man’s madness, check out his website.

Sunday

I solemnly swear to get some work done, watch Closer and relax.

Have a great weekend and don't get suckered into any April Fool's jokes. You know that girl isn't really pregnant. Holla!

Will It Ever Be Clean?!

2006-03-30T11:01:00.000-05:00

You ever thought you lost something. Or someone. And at times when you think your life was once easier, less lonelier and more complete, you search and search for the thing that you thought once made it better. Maybe it’s in that stack of old pictures. Remember when people used to write letters? Maybe you left it there. And then, in a routine move, you find it…or it finds you. Have you ever been reintroduced to something you thought was gone forever? Did you expect it to be the same as before? And it’s difficult to be yourself, the shallow adult, the independent yet still flighty child that you’ve always been. And you didn’t even know it was you until you were confident enough to show it. Can you be yourself around lost items, lost people, who knew you when you were lost? Back when my life consisted of boys and bullshitting, it seemed like a good idea to carry around mini-handcuffs on my key chain. And this instant camera probably has photos on it that I don’t even want to see. Why be reminded of the person I hated being so much, the person who hoarded all of these stupid things and created all of these ill memories that I’m trying so hard to discard now?

The more and more I try to categorize my life, what to keep, what to work on and what to cast away, the more dirty it gets. The more shit I pull out to dissect, the more I wonder, if it will ever be clean again? Was it ever clean in the first place? When I was born, did my mom give me a bottle, an onesie and a box full of photos and knick-knacks that I could never get rid of? Rummaging through old hair curlers, homemade T-shirts and shoes, I wonder if this stuff is even mine. I don’t even remember bringing this in my house. And this sock has got to be my ex boyfriend’s. And I don’t even use this brand of condoms. I don’t even know the people in this picture. Why are there pretty pink and purple boxes with ribbons decorating the exterior, with nothing inside? Now the question is why I even have these things in the first place. They aren’t even mine. Why am I accepting other people’s stuff into my home? Why am I allowing people to stick their shit with me? I don’t have more room than anyone else. I’ve got my own shit to hoard.

The cleaning continues. And the deeper I get into it, the more I realize that this is more than just spring cleaning.

Going to: Starliner Diner tonight. It’s a Cuban fusion restaurant. Don’t know what that means, but I’ll find out this evening. Afterwards, I’m heading to Club 202 to see my friend Tone strum. His songwriting skills are quickly being realized by Columbus.

Song For Today: Hey Ya! by Andre 3000

Check out: The Urban Starr’s shout out to P.A. Flex as all of Columbus tries to help him win the John Lennon Songwriting Contest. Find something fun to do this weekend while you’re there!

Cleaning My Closet

2006-03-29T08:40:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when you are getting rid of things, you come across something you had no use for before, and now you need more than ever. Maybe it is a shirt that fit too snug during your “freshman 15” days. Maybe it is a book you thought you’d never want to read again. Maybe it is a person who was once a minor detail, a lamp on the table in a novel, which was once insignificant but is now a major plot device in the story. Sometimes you look up and all the things you’ve tried to avoid, try to tuck away and deal with another day are now sprawled across your bed waiting for placement somewhere in your life.

It’s good to get rid of a lot of things. Sure, it was painful to put those old Cross Colors of mine in the Goodwill pile. And maybe once more I’ll need my old jewelry box, filled with the kind of jewelry only found in 25-cent machines. And maybe that person that fooled me once, really won’t try to fool me twice. But unfortunately time waits for nothing and clutter adds to confusion and I would rather rebuild from nothing with things that help to propel me into my future than things that bog down my past.

And then out of nowhere comes those items that tug so hard at the heartstrings you think they might break. The ring my first boyfriend gave me. The first Vibe magazine with Treach on the cover. Or the Honey Magazine with the article that inspired me to be a journalist. And the memories are so in my face and real now, I can taste the tears mixed with sweat that painted my face that day in the Park of Roses when my 17-year-old, broke boyfriend gave me the brassiest gold ring I ever saw in my life. But it was from him. And I absolutely loved it.

Sometimes in my mind, when I try to store away people, store away attitudes and mindsets that I swear to bejesus I’ll never harbor again, here comes someone…not a new someone…just a sideline player, who unknowingly changes your game. You can throw away old pants, tuck those old magazines back in and wait another year to decide about an old worthless yet priceless ring. But the Salvation Army doesn’t accept feelings and you can’t drop off your emotions at the back door of the Goodwill. Memories you’ve made and memories you yearn to make just aren’t disposable.

Song For Today: Never Can Say Goodbye, Isaac Hayes. Easily better than the Jackson 5 version.

Spring Cleaning

2006-03-27T10:04:00.000-05:00

Right now I’m about as focused as a blur. You’ll have to forgive me if I seem all over the place, because I am. Remember all that stuff I said I was going to do on Friday to get out of the house…well, I didn’t do any of that.

I did go see Inside Man, and I must say the movie kept me on my toes with all of the twists and turns. I don’t think I have it all figured out quite yet…I may have to go see it again to get everything.

I couldn’t be more bored with my job and the things I’m doing right now. I also couldn’t be any less excited about the new Fugees, but that’s another topic. Everything just feels like a huge sigh waiting for a solution on the end. You know I’m part weirdo because some weeks I am bubbling over with ideas and creativity and some weeks I’m just meh. Shout outs to SugaRay who I couldn't be blah around, even if I tried...this guy is on his creative kryptonite right now!

I have been feeling the urge to purge lately…getting rid of the old and making way for the new. And I’ve been really secretive about a lot of things because I don’t want anybody to talk me out of them. I’ve been kind of mean to some people lately, and I’ve felt really comfortable with it. People need to know what jerks they are and I like to get in on the snubbing action. PR is just my job, not my life…so I don’t have to be nice to everyone.

What are some ways that you deal with spring cleaning?

Things I pondered this weekend:

I hate sleeping with boys. Not having sex with them…just sleeping with them. Unless I really like you…but even then, I don’t like being touched and held all night. That is what the sex is for, right? Post-coital caressing and massaging is really annoying and makes me want to kick a nigga out. Go that way!

I want to start a book club. I had been thinking about it for a while, but I saw Slow Metamorphosis doing her thing on her site and thought I could do it too! So, anyone in the central Ohio area interested in reading a book a month (or so) holla at me.

I am growing very tired of twists in my hair. One more week and the fro will be back!

My grandmother tried to test me this weekend. And I know I got mad because this happened on Saturday and it’s still on my mind. We had a bit of a heated discussion about seafood and why I don’t eat lobster. I told her that on top of the fact that it is a bottom feeder and the pigs of the sea, they look like insects. She’s like, they taste good and that’s no reason not to eat them. Looking at me like that is a strange stance on seafood. This from a woman who doesn’t eat lamb because it allegedly smells like pee. I love her though…

Song For Today: I Used To Love You, John Legend

BTW: Anyone go to the New Jack Swing Reunion concert? Dish, dish!

Vote For P.A.!!!

2006-03-26T16:20:00.000-05:00

My boy PA is a finalist in the John Lennon Songwriting Contest, which means he could get a publishing deal, go on a national tour and all kinds of good things! The only way he's gonna win is if we (me and us) go to the website and vote. So check out PA's site to hear the song, "Shine" (it's hot). Then go vote for Albert Matthews here. Come back and let me know that you voted...and thanks for the support.

This Weekend

2006-03-24T09:09:00.000-05:00

I was considering staying in this weekend, curling up with this book I got from the library called The Love Diet. It’s all about seduction and since I am, well, single, then maybe I need to step up my game a little more. Plus the book teaches you 35 ways to kiss...damn, I think I know about five. When my good friend Scott Woods seen me with this book, he told me I write too much to have a love life (yeah, I told everybody you said that), so I’m going to hit the scene with my girls and see what I can get into.

Friday

I am still most curious about the forbidden fruit. I’m going to check out the movie Something New tonight and see how Sanaa handles it.

Hopefully inspired, afterwards I am going to hit up some place to get my white-holla on. Haven’t been to In8 Inner-Prizes' Groove Lounge/Club Shake at the Global, so I may check that out.

Saturday

Oh, how I wish The Dispatch wanted me to cover the New Jack Swing Reunion Tour! SWV, Blackstreet, Tony Toni Tone and Guy will all be in the Veteran’s Memorial. And prime tickets are $75 so I won’t be treating myself to that. But if anyone feels compelled to give a ticket to an up and coming writer, holla at me.

I need my hair busted in the worst way, so unless something more exciting pops up (and I’m open for suggestions)…I’ll be twisting my hair for the final week of the Protective Hair Challenge. Look for Creamy Crack updates soon.

Sunday

I could have sworn the Flavor of Love reunion show was coming on this Sunday, but since I can't find a time and listing for it, check out the $5 holla at the Cove. Anthony David will be performing live along with my homie Middle Child. If you can swing hanging out late and getting up early for work the next day, I say go for it!

Racism 101

2006-03-23T16:32:00.000-05:00

You can tell a white person is racist by the way he or she says the name Arnold Schwarzenegger

-If the white person says his name really slow, emphasizing the nay-gar, they aren't racist.

-If the white person blatantly says Schwarzenigger, well...

You can tell a white person is racist by his or her opinion of the FX series Black.White

-If the white person thinks he or she is learning something by the vivid portrayal of race relations in America, they are racist.

-If the white person thinks the show is dumb because the white people look like white people in bad makeup, they aren't racist.

Expectations

2006-03-23T10:38:00.000-05:00

I’ve been kind of conflicted lately about The Pink Ghetto. Only because it takes up so much of my time and energy, and like many other bloggers have realized, you start to write more for audience response and less for whatever reason you started. I started The Pink Ghetto because I couldn’t get a gig anywhere else. Because I am a writer, covering urban culture in Columbus and no publication wanted to be abreast to what was going on. So on weekends I started scouring the streets, looking to appealing events to keep people interested in my site. Because where else were you going to get urban culture plus the commentary.

And of course stuff got personal. And I have always been cool with the level of intimacy I share with the readers. At times, I scrap whole posts because I feel like I reveal too much. I’m not anonymous by any means. I don’t want to be Wendy Williams. But I want ya’ll to feel me.

I got an email the other day from an anonymous someone that said he was going to stop reading The Pink Ghetto because it was too feminine. And I was male-bashing and talking about aerobics and all other stuff he wasn’t interested in. Well…

I am a womanist. I am interested in womanly things…sometimes in individual men. But not masculinity in general. Coming from a line of women who have been oppressed racially and sexually, I have concerned myself with men long enough. So yeah, The Pink Ghetto probably relates to women more than men.

Back to my conflict: I think this site is becoming more of what I think you will get a response out of and less of what it was designed to do. I’m a Cancer. I draw back into my shell. Even my friends have noticed I’ve been a little more reserved. It’s because shit ain’t rubbing me the right way. People, places, ideas. And instead of trying to do what people want me to do, I’m following my intuition and doing me. So if you get the impression I no longer like you, you are right. If I haven’t been showing up at your spot that means your shit is wack to me. If I don’t respond to your emails and calls, then I don’t want to talk to you. I know, this is all reverse of PR…but it’s real.

So The Pink Ghetto is feminine because it’s pink, but it’s real, that’s why it’s ghetto. I don’t know what you can expect from me in the future. Shit might stay the same…it might be totally different. But the real Donna isn’t for everybody…and this site will now reflect that.

E is for Emu Eggs

2006-03-20T09:35:00.000-05:00

I had an eclectic and hectic weekend. I went on two dates:

The first was with my girl PTosh to Whole Foods in Dublin. We are both on a slow track to becoming vegetarians that involved us slowly eliminating certain foods from our diet. So far, I have eliminated dairy* and pork. Next up: red meat.

*Now, I do eat cheese and yogurt, because 1. milk and ice cream has the most lactose in it and that what causes the most problems and 2. soy cheese is gross.

So Whole Foods is a Kroger’s-sized store full of organic and wholesome alternatives to the crap sold in regular stores. I am ready to do a week’s worth of grocery shopping, when I walk in. But then I see oranges for $1.29 each. And a pint of blackberries for $3. Eggs are three for $1. Damn, it costs a lot to be healthy! The craziest thing at Whole Foods are the emu eggs, which are about the size of a grapefruit, that they sell for $20 each. A $20 egg is the craziest thing I’ve ever seen! I can imagine cracking that bad boy open, and a baby emu being inside. What the hell do you cook with an emu egg? If anybody has a recipe, I swear I’ll go buy one and eat it.

From Whole Foods, I bought some eight dollar Burt Bee’s soap and some two dollar body wash. My arms are a little too short to box with Whole Foods

I went to see V For Vendetta Saturday evening. It is an awesome mix of real-world politics, theatrics and Matrix-style cinematography. Hugo Weaving was the sexiest, masked, burned-up, not revealed villian/vigillante in a move since...well I don't know when. Call me a crazy, freak but there was something regally attractive about V. This is the same guy that played Agent Smith in the Matrix movies. Anyways, I can’t wait to see it again and again.

I had a dream last night that I won an Oscar for best supporting actress. I was in What’s Love Got To Do With It. And I came into work the next day! They announced my win at the staff meeting. This tells me:

1. I’m becoming way too attached to this job though…
2. I can still get famous while working here.

I’m processing all this info and trying to make some moves, trust me. I’ll let you know how things progress.

Song For Today: Only You by Portishead

My Personal Trainer Mounted Me

2006-03-17T09:53:00.000-05:00

…but we’ll get to that in a second. So I met with my personal trainer last night for my first free session. He was a cutie, kinda brown, kinda short, but buff. But that didn’t matter. We talked about health, fitness, diet and all that stuff. He told me I was on track and he thinks I can make all of my fitness goals. He took my BMI, which was way higher than I expected it to be. I am more cushiony than I thought. Off to the workout…

Six minutes at my target heart rate. That was nothing. I probably could have gone another 15 minutes or so. Was this guy being soft on me because I was a girl (a thick girl at that?). I lifted some weights, using way heavier weights than I would have chosen for myself. Dude promised me that he wasn’t trying to make me look like Dexter Jackson, but trying to get me some definition. He said I didn’t have to work out until failure…I’m thinking I was going to get wheeled out of there in a stretcher. He laughed…we moved on to drills.

I was good at first. We did squats, lunges, jumping jacks…and then my head got a little woozy. Now anyone who knows me knows that I’m always a little spaced out for one reason or another anyways. But I tried to push through because 1. Dude was a hottie and I didn’t want to collapse and embarrass myself and 2. Because I didn’t want him to think I was a punk because I am a thick chick. So I’m pushing and pushing and jumping and lunging and he asks me “are you okay,” and I’m sweating and panting and I say, “yeah!” And he says, “you look a little flush, you need to take a break,” and I say “I’m good, let’s go!” and he grabs my hand and tells me “you’re really cool, I think your blood-sugar level has dropped, sit down” so I sit down and that’s the end of my workout.

In total, I did about 12 minutes, which is wack but the personal trainer told me there’s nothing I can do if my blood sugar level drops and that I need to eat more. I tell him, “you know, I can go all night, let’s go again.” I always have to flirt with somebody. Then he asks me, “well, have you ever been stretched out before?” And I laugh and say, “not professionally.” So he puts me on this stretching table and asks me what feels tight. At this point, I think this guy is trying to bone. But I tell him my hamstrings and he gets on top of me and puts my legs over my head. He says,” wow, you are pretty flexible,” and I say “I bet I have to put my legs over my head more than you do.” So then he has me breathing in and out and pressing against him and he’s pushing on me. If I had a penis I would have pitched a tent, but since women can be unnoticeably turned on, I just kept saying “wow, this feels good,” and he would say “yeah, makes you want to fall asleep, huh?”

He didn’t ask me out or for my number or anything like that. He did try to get me to buy 16 more sessions with him. That’s not really in the baller budget, but I wonder how I can get a boy to stretch me out like that on a regular basis.

Tonight I’ll be going to Whole Foods in Dublin to get some whole foods and not processed crap.

I’ll be doing my hair this evening and avoiding the drunken foolery on the road. I don’t care what the rhyme or reason is…everybody PLEASE be safe and drive slow tonight.

I really do want to go to the movies this weekend…so I am going to try to catch V for Vendetta and Chappelle’s Block Party. Wish me luck!

Song For Today: St. Patrick’s Day by John Mayer

The Cocoa Cure

2006-03-16T09:58:00.000-05:00

You can take the girl out of the Ghetto, but you can’t take the Ghetto out of the girl. So yesterday, I was out of the Ghetto, actually working at work, having an absolutely boring time. I felt so drained and tired last night, and I attributed it to not being able to write all day. I knew I had to do something to make today feel refreshed.

There are only two men that I’ve ever felt connected to as a writer. One of them lives in Cleveland…and one of them is Maxwell. Of course, all kinds of crazy people feel connected to celebrities. And if he ever got into an accident in front of my house, I swear I would never drug him like Paul Sheldon in Misery. But he and I have similar creative writing styles. The way he puts words together. The lush alliteration. Even though he hasn’t released an album in ages, just the thought of dusting off my old Maxwell CDs make me all giddy.

And this morning, I was actually looking for the Sting CD with If I Ever Lose My Faith In You on it…but I kept running into Embrya. So I took that instead. And boy, did I almost miss my exit on the way to work. I am Red and Meth high today. The more I anticipate a great, orgasmic, poetic release, the more excited I get. I may have to call off for the end of the day today, it’s so intense.

I’m looking for some things in the next couple of weeks. Maybe somebody can help me find:

1. A cheap Photoshop class

2. A reasonably priced entertainment center

3. A place to inspire me. I was talking to Is Said, THE poet of Columbus. If you don’t know now you know. During a rather inspiring discussion about writing, he tells me that he has several places he goes when he has a block that inspires him. I haven’t had a place like that since college. I have found inspiration like that in people. There is a guy who I saw the other day, that always makes me want to create. Remember that scene in the last Matrix movie where Nona Gaye and Harold Perrineau are dancing in slow motion and everyone else is moshing...we are kinda like that. But he is not a stationary thing and he isn’t mine. So transferring that idea from a person to a thing is going to be quite a challenge. This place needs to be the next place I live.

4. A recipe for asparagus (because just boiling them ain’t hittin)

Song For Today: Drowndeep: Hula by Maxwell. This is my wedding song.

Reviews: Not only did I get to interview Ralph Tresvant the other day...but I also reviewed his CD in the Columbus Dispatch...you'll have to wait a couple days for the interview.

Startling Facts

2006-03-14T10:33:00.000-05:00

Did you know that people born in 1987 can now buy cigarettes? I was leaving Meijer’s yesterday, and a sign said 1987 to buy cigarettes, 1984 to buy alcohol! I remember births from 1987…damn I’m getting old.

I hate to even tell you guys this. I got an email yesterday saying that Hoopz from Flavor of Love will be hosting a night at the Obvious in Columbus (you know, the same club where Maurice Clarett robbed somebody). This goes down March 24. Don’t believe me, check out Hoopz’ site for the flyer.

More on Michael Ealy: I would be his Shar Jackson based solely on his performance in Their Eyes Were Watching God.

Isaac Hayes has quit South Park, after years of playing Chef. He says he doesn’t like the way the show portrays religion. This after a show about Scientology. I love Isaac Hayes, and will keep my comments on him strictly music-based.

Umar Bin Hassan of The Last Poets will be doing his thing at Black Pearl Poetry tonight. For those with no history, the group is one of the founding fathers of Hip Hop. You heard The Corner by Common…yeah, that was him. The Brownstone, 8:30 p.m. Be there or be square.

I have a very exciting interview this evening…one I can’t even tell you about! It’s with a guy who is in a boy band. And most of you probably had a crush on him.

You can (doesn't mean you should) pop your eyes out of their sockets by trying to exhale with your mouth and nose closed, according to Slate.com.

R.Kelly is receiving the Soul Train Stevie Wonder songwriting award this year. Every time I think of great lyrics, I think of great works like:

'Cause we off up in this jeep
We foggin' up the windows
We got the radio up
We all up in the back
We got the shit bouncin'
We goin' up and down
And we smokin' and we drinkin'
Just thuggin' it out
--Ignition by R.Kelly

Speaking of bad songs, one of the worst, popular songs ever is All My Life by K-Ci and Jo Jo. Yes, this is a fact.

And because somebody will send me an email or call me or run into me at the BStone tonight and tell me I’m a hater because I’m always dissing somebody…one of the best, unrecognized songs ever written is As by Stevie Wonder. I heard this song on the radio this weekend and was very happy. Matter of fact, the lyrics to Songs In the Key of Life should be written on Bible paper, they are so good.

Song For Today: Crazy by Seal

THE Flavor of Love post

2006-03-13T11:12:00.000-05:00

When talking about the outcome of reality TV, it is always under the pretense that you’ve suspended the reality. I mean, if you actually believe that two working models, with bodies like goddesses could actually be attracted to (let alone copulate with) a former drug addict and dead-beat father, than you are just as crazy as Hottie. But, since the curtain fell for me a week or ago when I found out that most of the girls on Flavor Of Love are models and actresses, the outcome of the show isn’t really surprising. Like my girl told me this morning, Flav already had New York. So, of course we as the viewer thinks he should have Hoopz too.

That is, if you consider Hoopz as a catch. I mean, she is very pretty. Her eyes do have fire in them (probably not for Flav) and her body is sick. But she is just as immature and conflict-driven as New York. New York is a nut, but so is Flav. I think the two were meant for each other. And if you feel Flavor Flav should the most upstanding woman, than you have to be kidding yourself. He has already admitted to both women that he fully plans on pursuing other chicks while with them. Sure, if you were Michael Ealy (who is so fine, I'd be in one of his harems) or Morris Chestnutt, there would be some sacrifices you would have to make as a woman in order to appease his female fans and keep your man from thinking you are a head case. HOWEVER, and let this be for the record. If I ever fell in love with a loser, his ass would have to be more exclusive than a Jay-Z comeback album. Losers do have the right to pursue beautiful women. Love is blind. But losers (especially ugly losers) do not have the right to be philandering. In laymen's terms: your ugliness and loser qualities make you have to be a sincere and one-woman man, i.e. only cuties with game and qualities can run out on their women. Men who have nothing to offer but a clean dick must provide that to only one woman. Anything else just violates the circle of life.

The most unfortunate part of Flavor of Love (notice the writing credits on the IMDB site) is that it has allowed all sorts of losers to think that they too, can land models, actresses and otherwise successful, hot chicks based solely on their character (in Flav’s case, minstrel) and not anything else. Character is important, but so is stability, a track record of clean living and being responsible. Though history has proven that losers can get women out of their league (most infamously, Bobby Brown) it is mostly annoying to us ordinary people who don’t know which way to go.

So the award for Flav’s affection went to the best actress, the one who concealed her internet-hoeism and the one who successfully hated on the other chick. Who cares if she really loves him or not. She is about to blow up in the year 2006, probably get another reality show and make a ton of money, all based on the fire in her eyes. For that, I say you go girl. New York is probably going to blow up and toss Omarosa to the back to claim reality TV’s biggest bitch. I noticed that the announcer was emphasizing that this was the season finale of Flavor of Love…maybe signaling a “series” or another season. Because, I’d bet me gold teef that Hoopz is dating some athlete by now…there’s no way she’s really actually truthfully gonna be with that nigga. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Hair: Updates on Creamy Crack…natural hair is so divine!

Photos: Below are some shot of this weekend, thanks to Jessica!

Song For Today: Domestic Violence by RZA as Bobby Digital

Weekend Photos

2006-03-12T21:37:00.000-05:00

Another weekend, another two days to kick it and check out the city. This time, Jessica, Afrika, Cinnamon and I checked out a new restaurant called Lux Lounge. Think Cove, if it served food and had three floors. Very nice, chill, romantic spot in the Brewery District. And for the month of March, all entrees are buy one get one free. So how else do you get steak, crab, calamari and salmon for $10 a person?

Just wanted to take a couple pictures of me looking fresh before heading out with my girls...

Here's me and Jessica at the Lux Lounge looking sexy. We almost dressed alike...

2006-03-12T20:53:00.000-05:00

Cinnamon and Afrika tried to be sexy against the posh atmosphere at the Lux Lounge...

Meant to take a picture of our appetizers...but they were so good, they didn't make it!

Afrika is sippin on some Cherry Long Island Iced Tea

Cinnamon chose the shrimp pasta...

Afrika's salmon looked divine...

2006-03-12T20:45:00.000-05:00

I had the steak with mahed potatoes and asparagus...I really need to learn how to cook asparagus...it's so good!

I was originally going to get crabcakes, but I kind of deboed the steak from Jessica instead. She got the crab cakes, and they look great.

On to the Cove! here's Cinnamon, Afrika and me before it got really stacked in there...

One more picture of Jessica, Cinnamon and Afrika before it got real ignorant up in the Cove.

Naton and his boy Larry (not James) hung with us during the end of the night...

Destiny to Suck

2006-03-10T09:20:00.000-05:00

I was driving into work today (in the slow lane, of course, because I’m in no rush) and I was feeling somewhat free and inviting. So I popped in my Destiny’s Child DC3 CD, you know the one with Survivor on it. My best friend Elaina is going to kill me for this but…this has got to be the worst Destiny’s Child album ever.

This is from someone who has a huge crush on Beyonce. But just because I like Beyonce, that doesn’t mean I like everything she does (see Fighting Temptations). And maybe you don’t even care…the album was out a long while ago. But of the songs that weren’t covers…the others sound like Muppets wrote them.

Now back in the day, this CD used to be my ish. I was an independent woman, who was bootylicious and dangerously in love. But then I grew up. I used to love Happy Face, but this morning, listening to Beyonce wailing in the background of the entire song actually made my stomach hurt. I stopped going out looking for my baby’s fava fava (as Kelly says in Cutie Pie). And I stopped braving people’s verbal attacks and calling myself a Survivor. Shit like that stopped mattering to me.

I’m not sure how much the ladies of DC3 have grown up. Their last album, though the women proclaimed to be more vixen than hood, was still a little juvenile to me. And by the way, how does Michelle totter back and forth from being a gospel singer to slow grinding on Magic Johnson’s lap? Doesn’t she say she wants to bone somebody in that Soldier song? Maybe I do miss LaToya and Latavia a little (yes, I remember the kicked-out chicks names)

But enough about Destiny’s Child…

This weekend there will be a lot of foundation being laid…so as far as activities go, me and my girls will be going to the Lux Lounge Saturday night to try out some buy one get one free entrees before March is over. Those crab cakes have Donna written all over them. Balling on a budget is the motto in the Ghetto.

Tonight I will be catching up on the new America’s Next Top Model episode I missed (which I recorded on my new TiVo)…I had to beg Slow Metamorphosis not to tell me any details.

And between meetings and typing up CD reviews on Sunday, I’m going to see Dave Chappelle’s Block Party, capisch?

More reviews: Check out what I have to say about the Kem concert in today’s Columbus Dispatch. I’m not usually too pressed about articles I write, but dammit it’s been three this week in the Dispatch. I’m feeling a little good about myself! (Brushes dirt off shoulder)

Weekend Prediction: More people will watch the Flavor of Love finale than watched the State of the Black Union 2006 (if you don't even know what that is, you need to cancel your cable).

Song For Today: Since You’ve Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson. Kelly is so gangsta in this song. Why wasn’t this on my Fuck You CD? I’m so moving on…yeah, yeah!

Let's Get Physical!

2006-03-09T10:09:00.000-05:00

Because of my busy, busy, busy schedule (did I mention how busy I am?) I have missed two days of working out, and I am in utter shambles about it. So tonight I've cleared a couple hours to get my elliptical on. Here's my workout mix I'll be listening to...I wanted to add more house music, but unfortunately, I don't know the names or the artists of any house songs. Of course, I can sing those muggs, but who knows the name to house music songs? Anyways, I'll be busting my ass to these tonight...what else should I add?

Touch, Omarion

Don’t Change For Me, Eric Roberson

The New Workout Plan, Kanye West

Ass N Titties (who sings this song???)

Rock Your Body, Justin Timberlake

Little L, Jamiroquai

My Humps, Black Eyed Peas

Lose My Breath, Destiny’s Child

Naughty Girl, Beyonce

BOB, Outkast

Feel Good Inc., Gorillaz

Throb, Janet Jackson

Lose Control, Missy

Temperature, Sean Paul

La, La, Ashlee Simpson

Wanna Love You Girl, Thicke

Reviews: Kem put on a fabulous show last night...would tell you more but I get paid to to do this now! You'll just have to wait until my review runs in the Dispatch.

To hold you over, here is my CD review of Jaheim's latest. You know the deal, scroll all the way to the bottom!

Song For Today: Love TKO by Teddy Pendergrass (thanks for the correction!)

Dia de los Muertos

2006-03-08T10:24:00.000-05:00

I was a bit of a hot tamale in high school. Think Dead Prez with a perm, a Guess jacket and a lip gloss fetish. And my girl, PTosh…she was the urban chic version of Malcolm X to me. She was rockin a natural way before it was popular. Her style of clothes was eclectic and sassy. She made the kind of art that made the counselors call her parents in and question her sanity (I did too). We had lots in common, but the most important thing about our friendship was that she helped me to see who I really was as a woman and an artist.

Well, her son, my two-year-old Godbaby who I talk about to no end, just started speaking Spanish. He watches Dora the Explorer. Well, it was funny because me and PTosh became radicals and friends after being kicked out of Spanish class, threatening to boycott, while in high school. Our argument: the Spanish teacher wasn’t teaching us anything, which would make our college years much harder. We were right. I got kicked out of class several times, had several meetings with the principal. They all knew we were right. And when I got to college, I flunked out of Spanish and had to spend a summer taking three French classes to graduate on time.

Last night, we chuckled over the fact that little baby PTosh is running around yelling “ocho, ocho, ocho!,” adn we can only count to "once." Then she tells me that our Spanish teacher died. “Oh my God, when?” I asked her. She told me she heard last year that this woman died about three years ago. “What did she die of,” I questioned. “Stress,” PTosh said.

“We killed our Spanish teacher,” I sobbed. She laughed. And after about five minutes of her reassuring me that all people die, it’s natural and we didn’t kill her, I felt a little better. But we did kill our Spanish teacher. We stressed that woman out. Her union representative worried her about her job. I know she was worried about it too. Because of me and PTosh’s lack of cooperation in class, none of the other students respected her. At least once a week, she had to leave class, crying, because we questioned her teaching skills. Watching the Lion King with a Spanish Mufasa wasn’t exactly my idea of language immersion. She was a bad, bad teacher. Even the principal admitted that to us. But we didn’t have to kill her!

Maybe PTosh’s son is reminding us of the stress we caused our old Spanish teacher. Maybe I’m overreacting. I tend to do that. But in standing up to that teacher in high school, it taught me that equality and public schools doesn’t exist. It also taught me that Disney doesn’t know squat about Latinos.

Song For Today: Dinner With Delores, Prince. The new Prince CD is coming out next week, so be on the lookout for another banger. This song is a quirky throwback from Diamonds and Pearls.

Tonight: Kem featuring Leela James will be at the Ohio Theater. Will you be there?

Leela James will be having a listening party at the Cove afterwards. You can get in free with a ticket stub...and maybe a mention about the Pink Ghetto will earn you some clout, who knows? Check out The Urban Starr for more details.

Also Columbus College of Art and Design will be hosting a panel discussion about women and hip hop, complimenting their BLING exhibit. It’s at the Canzani Center and starts at 5:30 p.m.

Some New Deep

2006-03-07T13:10:00.000-05:00

I apologize for posting so late yesterday…Blogger was being a bia bia, so you are treated to three posts in one day! Aren’t you the hot ones. So much is going on and progressing and it’s so good to be able to share all the greatness of Columbus art, life and culture. It’s a bright, sunny day and it’s slated to be a great, warm week so make sure you start using your TiVo and get out and support great culture! (Stepping down from my soapbox) I have had my hand in all sorts of things over the past week, here are some new and upcoming deep:

Books: I am reading Baby Brother’s Blues by one of my favorite authors, Pearl Cleage. She has some what of a series with this book, Some Things I Never Thought I’d Do, Babylon Sisters and I Wish I Had A Red Dress. So if you pick up her latest book, it may make more sense if you read the others. She’s had a lot of books come out lately, but don’t sleep; the first book I read by her was a collection of short stories called The Brass Bed that is the bomb.

My Toure book, Never Drank the Kool-Aid, just came in from the library. It’s a collection of his interviews and commentary from several publications. If you are not hip, this man has the hippest insight on pop and urban culture…check him out!

Music: Shout outs to J.Rawls as he embarks on a fantastic voyage to push his newest collection, The Essence of Soul, across the country. If you like progressive soul, you have to check it out. I’ve had the CD since November, and I still have it on heavy rotation. My favorites: Pleasure and Pain featuring Eric Roberson and Bailar featuring Aloe Blacc.

TV: Thank the good Lord for TiVo, because the new season of America’s Next Top Model begins tomorrow and I have plans (more on that later). My girl PTosh is a little tired of the series, but I LOVE me some Tyra and will be watching it Thursday evening.

Does anybody watch Deal or No Deal? I am getting an addiction to this show like you wouldn’t believe. For future reference, the following numbers should never be picked on a game show: 7, 13, 21 and your birthday. Why? Because the damn producers know those are lucky and unlucky numbers, you idiots!

Interviews: Check me out in the Columbus Dispatch, my first interview printed with them! Me and Kem busted a chat before his show Wednesday night. You’ll have to stay posted to the Dispatch to see my review…of course, I’ll let you know when it runs.

Hair: I’ll be updating Creamy Crack a little more frequently because of the March Protective Hair Challenge. I posted something yesterday, and I have at least another post this week. Thanks to all of the ladies who are putting in the good fight for fab hair.

Feed us Eddie George!

2006-03-06T22:03:00.000-05:00

So me and my friends went to check out the Eddie George 27 Grill, to see what the two hour waits were all about. Lucky for us, we only had to wait about 20 minues (due the the waitress calling us ultra early) and the food was good and well-priced. The new South Campus district on Ohio State's campus has lots to offer to urbanites, along with Eddie George's restaurant there is Mad mex, Skye Bar, a new movie theater, Panera Bread, Coldstone Cremery, Barnes & Nobles and several boutiques. If you are in Columbus, make sure you check it out!

me and Morgan wait for our food, and wade through the channels as each booth has a television. The only hing on was sports, but at least athletes are attractive to look at!

2006-03-06T21:52:00.000-05:00

Morgan ordered the yummy quesadillas (top left), I had an Asian chicken salad (top right) and Dawn had chipotle salmon with cous cous (middle) Akilah just nibbled off of all of our meals, which was cool. But the food looks great, huh?

Dawn and Akilah are ready to get their grub on...the food and the atmosphere was great!

Yes, I took a picture of a toilet, and yes that is a Michigan football in there! OSU fans don't play when it comes to the school spirit. At Eddie George's restaurant, Michigan footballs are in the bottom of all the toilets...so you piss on Michigan whether you want to or not!

After our tasty meal, we ventured around the CAP and ended up at the Skye bar, another new place. The atmosphere was kind of blah: the music was too loud and not danceable...the people were just standing around. This is a picture of a chick jumping on a trampoline in the bar...

Dawn, Akilah and Morgan look real pretty, but we didn't like the Skye bar that much...

One Small Step For Juicy J...One Giant Step For Rap Music

2006-03-06T10:54:00.001-05:00

Not only were these guys granted the distinction of being the first rap artists to perform at the Oscars, but they won. They kept is gangsta the whole time. And while I don’t listen to a lot of their music, I’ve always thought their production has been the hottest out of the south. (Look, I’m suddenly on their nuts). Krunchy Black got to do his dance on the phuckin’ Oscar stage! It doesn’t get much better than that! They had to have Queen Latifah announce that one, because nobody else would have been able to say the name of the song and represent like her. Did you notice how the camera panned to everybody black in the audience, who were up cheering? It got a little Source Awards in there for abut five minutes, but everything was good!

I was so excited that they won for best song…and for all of those distracters who will say that awards will only reward blacks when they are talking about pimpin and whatnot, I say that that song is a perfect depiction of that movie. If you saw the movie, you would know that it was extremely hard for the pimp in particular. Everything that black people do artistically does not translate to represent the whole race. Just that damn movie. Go Hustle & Flow!

Song For Today: It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp….yeah baby!

This Weekend

2006-03-03T09:41:00.000-05:00

It’s getting to be that time of the year! So the temperatures in Columbus have dipped a bit, but the people are coming out and the events are heating up. This weekend is going to be a busy one for me, as you know I am trying to hit up all the hotspots in two days. Wish me luck!

Friday

Tonight me and my girls Morgan, Dawn and Akilah are going to hit up the Eddie George Grill 27, the newest, livest sports bar in the city. Obviously the cute girls will be there, so make sure you come out too! Check out TheUrbanStarr.com as my girl Anita the Diva gets the exclusive with Eddie George about the new venue.

My girl/financial guru Jackie Stepherson will be celebrating her birthday at the Red Zone tonight for First Fridays. Come and buy her a drink if it’s in your budget.

If you plan on staying in the house tonight, watch Toure, my writing hero, as he deciphers the beef between Nas and Jay-Z in a BET special. Encores will be running all weekend, as there will be much to discuss Monday morning.

Saturday

The ACME Art Company will be full of live music and some “bomb ass Indian food” according to the music program director Gerard Cox. I’ll be there checking out Eddie Bayard and Rolando Matias…and the bomb ass Indian food. It’s also Gallery Hop, so everything around the Short North will have something fly to offer.

Sunday

I am going to see Dave Chappelle's Block Party this weekend. Not just because I am black and miss the comedy of Dave. Not because it features hot performers like Lauryn Hill, Kanye West, The Roots, Erykah Badu and Common. But because The Central State University Marching Band from Dayton, Ohio received top billing alongside all of those other cats. Anybody with some true Columbus knowledge knows this band use to get crunk (before crunck was a word) at the Capital City Classic waaaayyyy back in the day. Shout outs to the Marauders!

Make sure you watch the Oscars, where the first rap performance in the Academy’s 78-year history, will be in effect. Three Six Mafia willbe performing "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp" on Sunday night. Check out Juicy J’s interview with USA Today here. This is Hip Hop history, we should be tres proud!

Everybody stay safe and productive this weekend. I’ll catch you on the other side of Sunday!

Library vs. Credit: The Battle of the Cards

2006-03-02T10:40:00.000-05:00

I’m broke, we all know that. Well, actually I’m a baller, but I must live like a broke person because I’m trying to buy a house and start a business and ultimately live life like it’s golden. And I’ve made a lot of sacrifices.

I haven’t bought any MAC lipgloss this year. Instead, I’ve been buying Loreal. Going out to eat and kicking it on a tab…forget about it. I’ve been shopping at Aldi’s instead of Meijer’s. So far everything’s been all good. But of course temptation has started to set in.

I’ve told myself I needed an iPod (well, I think Apple kind of made that decision for me). My coworkers kind of laughed at me, saying that I could get a much better brand for a better price. And I can. But there is something a lot better than cheap…free! Last year I bought my dad an iPod for his birthday…he uses it to cut the grass and show off to his friends at work. Well, he’s not going to let me borrow that, I know. But he has a cheapo 50 song holding MP3 player that he was rockin before the iPod that I will be asking to borrow this afternoon. Sure, it’s not the top of the line, but it will do for now and I can savor my $150 I save.

And that was a decision I felt really good about. Until my lust for books was aroused. Toure, Saul Williams and Kimora Lee Simmons all have books that I am itching to read. And while an investment in literature is always a good thing, I had my credit card out ready, browser tuned to Amazon.com and dammit I was ready to drop $32 on three books that I could probably read in a week. But then I started to think about my washer and dryer. And my new bedroom suite. And my medical bills. And the balance on my Macy’s charge. And I couldn’t do it. Laying right beside my Visa was my library card. So before I could even doubt myself, I went to the Columbus library web page and reserved all three books. I figure, if I like them enough to own them, I can buy them later. Whoa, that was a close one!

Reviews: Check out my Leela James review in the Columbus Dispatch. She will be opening for Kem next Wednesday at the Ohio Theater and yes your girl will be reviewing the show. Stay posted!

Clothes: Don’t fit! I have on a fly brown outfit that use to hug everything, and now my pants are falling down and my shirts drooping. That’s a good thing, right?

Song For Today: Touch by Omarion. This will be the first song I add to my MP3 player to get crunk in the gym with!

Hair: Don’t forget to get with the Protective Hair Challenge on Creamy Crack. The first day is this Friday!